I have decided to add something funny to this from now on because I am too serious and think too much about serious things.
I wanted to tell somethings funny.
So, a few years ago, about 5 years ago, I have a Nephew named Ian that was in a play for school. I was talking to him over Thanksgiving Holiday and I was asking him what he was up to, and what he was planning on doing with his High School life, etc (he is not in High School anymore)Anyway. He said he was so excited because he was going to be in an up and coming play. I forgot the name of the play but ı was really excited for him (I think it was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or something) Anyway, I ws so excited for him, I went up to my mom and said... "Mom, we have a thespian in our family!" My mom pulled me aside and was really upset. I could see in her face. She said,"Dena, Don't talk like that" I said, "Mom? What? Ian is a thespian" My mom was even more annoyed with me and said "Don't talk like that! You know that is really judgmental of you and very rude" "Mom, I am not being rude, he is starring in a play at school and he is really excited about it. He will turn into a regular Thespian." Mom was not happy about what I said and even said a comment about how we should be loving and accepting of others in our family, no matter what they think and especially of their sexual orientation... Say What???? HAHAHAHA... My mom is hilarious sometimes
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
I have been too serious for too long recently
A Touchy Subject
I was on Facebook the other day and I rarely hear from some of my friends with the new Facebook page, (which I really hate, another blog idea) And I thought I would check in on a friend from High School who is really a great person.
Well, she wrote something about how it is criminalization to try to change someone, or change their nature, (which I would call brain washing) If the people that were brain washing knew what they were doing, but since the brain washers do not know what they are doing, we just need to move on and learn to forgive them, and then say NO MORE and then she added... Forgive me God for allowing me to hand my head over to someone like that again...
It got me to think.
So I wrote her that some people don't realize they are being abused or brain washed. Some never wake up from that and sometimes feel like they can not get out.
I wrote on her wall about how I have known a girl that was being manipulated into a relationship and she never really felt like she could out. As much as her family tried, she never was able to get out because I think she felt like her life at that point was out of her hands.
She would come to my home and there were bruises on her face, her back, her arms. I would take pictures and then I would call police. They would come to my home and they would look at the pictures and ask her questions and a few times they would even catch him. A couple of times he got away. The last time he beat her badly and I finally said to her that she has to not be there for him. She asked me to help her and I said I would if she promised me that she would not ever let him in her home, and she would seek professional help in assistance so that if he ever came around she would call the police and get rid of the loser.
She did promise me. We were doing really good with it, and he got out of jail. She did not tell me he was out, but I stopped seeing her. I was going to work one day and stopped by my mail box and happened to see him at hers. He started running after me because he wanted to talk to me but because I did not believe a word he said I did not trust that he was wanting to just talk.
I saw her alone after that and asked her how she was doing. She said she was fine and had not seen the guy in a couple of months and told me she was getting help. But, a day after that I saw her again, but this time with the loser.
I was more annoyed at that point that she lied to me and I could tell she knew as soon as she saw me I was disappointed. I was not showing her but she knew she lied to me and yet she went the path she chose, lying and covering up for a really bad guy and staying in a really bad situation.
I ended up having to tell her that I would no longer support her with this guy and that if she was going to chose him I had no choice but to not have anymore contact with her because I am putting myself in danger and I can not watch a friend of mine get abused and allow it to happen.
Well, my friend on Facebook said that there is no doubt in her mind that a person being perpetually abused is responsible in some way for allowing someone to abuse them.
I thought about that comment for a week now, and decided to answer her.
I disagree with her.
I think yes, in this case, the woman was allowing her boyfriend for reasons I can not put my head around, to abuse her especially after she had been aware that he is abusive and she lied for him to cover u pthe fact that he was still living with her although she had said that she wanted nothing more to do with him.
There is a lot of abuse in many countries, not just America and domestic cases are the most common. They are also the least reported.
I also have seen an increase in Domestic Violence, is it an increase or just more people are becoming more vocal about it?
Another thing: Children can be placed in a situation where they are being abused and I do not feel like they are responsible for their own victimization. How can they be?
Abuse is in many shapes and forms and I feel like that many people all over the world are more often abused, more so than in USA. Those cases are not as reported and Domestic Violence is a lot lower in other countries because Abuse in those countries, although the government says is not acceptable, it is either not reported or the perpetrator is not caught. So, we can not compare other countries to America.
Upon saying that though, I will also like to say that just because someone is being abused it does not mean that they always recognize it nor do they feel like they have a way out. Especially in the case of children. Some children that are teens chose to stay at home to protect siblings. Something I failed to mention to my friends FB wall.
I also believe that more people are not vocal about abuse, because it is humiliating. I feel that we should not put a generalized nor judgmental statement like that on people who has been victimized by abuse. I, while saying that, I would like to say that when someone knows and understands that they are being abused and are in an abusive relationship like my friend, they need to get out. There is not one good reason to stay. I know a couple of women that would have stayed because they have children in the marriage or relationship and that is more reason to leave. There is never love in abuse. Ever.
I have another friend that lived in Arizona. She was married to a jerk and we all thought that he was one, but she was always upbeat and kind. We had no idea that she was being abused. Well, I saw her at a Night Club with mutual friends. We talked a long while and she and I had known each other because she worked at a big Department Store in a Mall I used to frequent to buy make up. She would give me great stuff for shopping there and she was just a great fun person.
She had told me her divorce was final and so we with our friends had a round of drinks. Well, three days later I found out she went home that night and the next morning her Ex-Husband came by. He was supposed to come and get their two year old son for a few days. He did not. he came in the house and shot her in the head. She died before she even made it to the hospital. My friends and I were talking about it. We were all women and I had been in an abusive relationship myself, and a couple of others had been also. Were there silent signs? I could not think of any. Of course I knew her first from her line of work and started hanging out with her only a few months before then. I never met her husband, maybe once but for a brief moment and I do not think I would be able to pick him out in a crowd. I never thought that that would have happened to her. It was really devastating.
I spoke with the Sheriff Department about Domestic Violence, and found that in USA among Hispanics and Blacks it is more common. Now, in Arizona the reason for Domestic Violence is stifling. It is near frustrating for the Authorities. This is why. Because there is a 50% - 50% law in Arizona and New Mexico, these two states have the highest per capita of Domestic Violence. What that means 50-50 is that when there is a break up or dissolving of a relationship: A Domestic Relationship meaning two consensual adults living together as married couple or two people married living together, the property in which they own together is shared 50% to each person. Now, what is fair is fair, however this is where the law is actually hurting people. That means that when my friend, fearing for her life, thought that she would be free of her ex-husband and thought she would be safe really was not. She was not safe because she could not have bought changed locks for her doors with out either first consenting her ex-husband or giving him a key. This also means that he broke no law in entering her home. The only law he broke was shooting her n the head which most likely he tried in every way possible to get out of that case against him too. (I did not follow up on what happened to him... I hope that he is rotting in prison now though)
This means that say for example, you reader, got a divorce with your horrible husband that beat you all the time and you wanted him away from you. If you own a home with him, and your divorce is final, that home is his home just as much as it is yours. Whatever happens to the home will be both of your responsibility. So, if he just walks right in to your home, he can! He is not asked to leave the home until you can prove that he is doing bodily harm to you or abusing you and believe me it is difficult to prove that in Arizona in that situation. So, you can see where tempers rise and there are two poele not wanting to stay married but because of lack of money or for what ever reason unknown or known, if that person does not want to leave the home he or she does not have to and are in the rights of the law!
This has been cause for many many domestic violence cases to happen.
The Sheriff Department in the City that I lived in in Arizona said that they see more Domestic Violence after the divorce or during the separation period than they see while the people are fighting during the marriage. I now sound like I am rambling and I hope I don't... I just wanted to say that I feel that people should not take lightly nor talk lightly about this subject.
I think that we should not judge others based on what little we know about a person.
I hope that any of you that are reading this and are being abused, I hope you find the help you need and find the strength and courage to get out and run fast, get away from the one that is abusing you.
Well, she wrote something about how it is criminalization to try to change someone, or change their nature, (which I would call brain washing) If the people that were brain washing knew what they were doing, but since the brain washers do not know what they are doing, we just need to move on and learn to forgive them, and then say NO MORE and then she added... Forgive me God for allowing me to hand my head over to someone like that again...
It got me to think.
So I wrote her that some people don't realize they are being abused or brain washed. Some never wake up from that and sometimes feel like they can not get out.
I wrote on her wall about how I have known a girl that was being manipulated into a relationship and she never really felt like she could out. As much as her family tried, she never was able to get out because I think she felt like her life at that point was out of her hands.
She would come to my home and there were bruises on her face, her back, her arms. I would take pictures and then I would call police. They would come to my home and they would look at the pictures and ask her questions and a few times they would even catch him. A couple of times he got away. The last time he beat her badly and I finally said to her that she has to not be there for him. She asked me to help her and I said I would if she promised me that she would not ever let him in her home, and she would seek professional help in assistance so that if he ever came around she would call the police and get rid of the loser.
She did promise me. We were doing really good with it, and he got out of jail. She did not tell me he was out, but I stopped seeing her. I was going to work one day and stopped by my mail box and happened to see him at hers. He started running after me because he wanted to talk to me but because I did not believe a word he said I did not trust that he was wanting to just talk.
I saw her alone after that and asked her how she was doing. She said she was fine and had not seen the guy in a couple of months and told me she was getting help. But, a day after that I saw her again, but this time with the loser.
I was more annoyed at that point that she lied to me and I could tell she knew as soon as she saw me I was disappointed. I was not showing her but she knew she lied to me and yet she went the path she chose, lying and covering up for a really bad guy and staying in a really bad situation.
I ended up having to tell her that I would no longer support her with this guy and that if she was going to chose him I had no choice but to not have anymore contact with her because I am putting myself in danger and I can not watch a friend of mine get abused and allow it to happen.
Well, my friend on Facebook said that there is no doubt in her mind that a person being perpetually abused is responsible in some way for allowing someone to abuse them.
I thought about that comment for a week now, and decided to answer her.
I disagree with her.
I think yes, in this case, the woman was allowing her boyfriend for reasons I can not put my head around, to abuse her especially after she had been aware that he is abusive and she lied for him to cover u pthe fact that he was still living with her although she had said that she wanted nothing more to do with him.
There is a lot of abuse in many countries, not just America and domestic cases are the most common. They are also the least reported.
I also have seen an increase in Domestic Violence, is it an increase or just more people are becoming more vocal about it?
Another thing: Children can be placed in a situation where they are being abused and I do not feel like they are responsible for their own victimization. How can they be?
Abuse is in many shapes and forms and I feel like that many people all over the world are more often abused, more so than in USA. Those cases are not as reported and Domestic Violence is a lot lower in other countries because Abuse in those countries, although the government says is not acceptable, it is either not reported or the perpetrator is not caught. So, we can not compare other countries to America.
Upon saying that though, I will also like to say that just because someone is being abused it does not mean that they always recognize it nor do they feel like they have a way out. Especially in the case of children. Some children that are teens chose to stay at home to protect siblings. Something I failed to mention to my friends FB wall.
I also believe that more people are not vocal about abuse, because it is humiliating. I feel that we should not put a generalized nor judgmental statement like that on people who has been victimized by abuse. I, while saying that, I would like to say that when someone knows and understands that they are being abused and are in an abusive relationship like my friend, they need to get out. There is not one good reason to stay. I know a couple of women that would have stayed because they have children in the marriage or relationship and that is more reason to leave. There is never love in abuse. Ever.
I have another friend that lived in Arizona. She was married to a jerk and we all thought that he was one, but she was always upbeat and kind. We had no idea that she was being abused. Well, I saw her at a Night Club with mutual friends. We talked a long while and she and I had known each other because she worked at a big Department Store in a Mall I used to frequent to buy make up. She would give me great stuff for shopping there and she was just a great fun person.
She had told me her divorce was final and so we with our friends had a round of drinks. Well, three days later I found out she went home that night and the next morning her Ex-Husband came by. He was supposed to come and get their two year old son for a few days. He did not. he came in the house and shot her in the head. She died before she even made it to the hospital. My friends and I were talking about it. We were all women and I had been in an abusive relationship myself, and a couple of others had been also. Were there silent signs? I could not think of any. Of course I knew her first from her line of work and started hanging out with her only a few months before then. I never met her husband, maybe once but for a brief moment and I do not think I would be able to pick him out in a crowd. I never thought that that would have happened to her. It was really devastating.
I spoke with the Sheriff Department about Domestic Violence, and found that in USA among Hispanics and Blacks it is more common. Now, in Arizona the reason for Domestic Violence is stifling. It is near frustrating for the Authorities. This is why. Because there is a 50% - 50% law in Arizona and New Mexico, these two states have the highest per capita of Domestic Violence. What that means 50-50 is that when there is a break up or dissolving of a relationship: A Domestic Relationship meaning two consensual adults living together as married couple or two people married living together, the property in which they own together is shared 50% to each person. Now, what is fair is fair, however this is where the law is actually hurting people. That means that when my friend, fearing for her life, thought that she would be free of her ex-husband and thought she would be safe really was not. She was not safe because she could not have bought changed locks for her doors with out either first consenting her ex-husband or giving him a key. This also means that he broke no law in entering her home. The only law he broke was shooting her n the head which most likely he tried in every way possible to get out of that case against him too. (I did not follow up on what happened to him... I hope that he is rotting in prison now though)
This means that say for example, you reader, got a divorce with your horrible husband that beat you all the time and you wanted him away from you. If you own a home with him, and your divorce is final, that home is his home just as much as it is yours. Whatever happens to the home will be both of your responsibility. So, if he just walks right in to your home, he can! He is not asked to leave the home until you can prove that he is doing bodily harm to you or abusing you and believe me it is difficult to prove that in Arizona in that situation. So, you can see where tempers rise and there are two poele not wanting to stay married but because of lack of money or for what ever reason unknown or known, if that person does not want to leave the home he or she does not have to and are in the rights of the law!
This has been cause for many many domestic violence cases to happen.
The Sheriff Department in the City that I lived in in Arizona said that they see more Domestic Violence after the divorce or during the separation period than they see while the people are fighting during the marriage. I now sound like I am rambling and I hope I don't... I just wanted to say that I feel that people should not take lightly nor talk lightly about this subject.
I think that we should not judge others based on what little we know about a person.
I hope that any of you that are reading this and are being abused, I hope you find the help you need and find the strength and courage to get out and run fast, get away from the one that is abusing you.
Bus News II
It has been a few months now since I posted about the problems with the bus systems here in Çorlu.
I have not heard a lot lately. The Long rock's dad did have to pay a fine for what... We have no idea.
It was an asinine reason they gave to make him pay but in Terkirdağ, and I think all of Turkey, if you have more than 5 violations on your driving record, you can not drive in Turkey... At least, this is what I understand.
His father Big Long Rock is a great bus driver, so this is just one way to try to use some kind of intimidation.
big Long Rock... Mr M has a really nice boss who is also a wonderful personal friend. This Boss of his has bought several new buses (Blue ones, of course) that will improve the business and make all the operations legal in Corlu. right now the city said the older buses are too old to be running... (Another way to try to discourage the other bus drivers to not function)
Well, I will be wrting more but it is 2:21 am here and I need to get some beauty sleep
Until we meet again...
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
A Closer Look
This has been really bothering me for the longest time and I must say something about it.
Well, how do I begin?
Let me start at the beginning.
All my life I have been very self conscience. I have always been really shy, but never showed it. And I have always struggled with my self esteem. I lived in about 20 different places from the time I was just wee little until my mom married my father. (not my birth father). There are many contributing factors to my self esteem issues, and some of it I think is just part of my making.
Well, When I was about 12, my self esteem was getting more and more critical and my mom could see it. For my age, I was taller than most children. I stood about 5'9" (1.752meters) and honestly, I was taller than my teachers. I was not a fat girl, really tall.
I was having problems with kids at school taunting me. Everyday.
My mom could see the signs of my self esteem effecting me. She wanted to help me feel like I could walk tall and give me some self confidence. So, She enrolled me in some modeling classes. They were not the "ooh you can be a huge model" type of classes. they were more of the "walk this way, turn this way, sit this way", and show the world you have confidence because people will take notice of this. There were practical things I learned. How to put on make up what to wear in a job interview, how to walk and stand with confidence. My mom was right to put me in those classes. She always told me that I was beautiful. She was not saying it like those mothers in Babes in Tiaras... She always said I walked so gracefully and just things like that. But I always felt like she had to say that because I am her daughter. Of course she is going to think I am so pretty! I am her little girl... right?
Let me now talk about a girl I knew from the time I was in Seventh grade. So, that would make us about 13 years old.
Her name was Marilyn. Marilyn was my friend in everyway. She was funny, cute, very sweet. I really liked Marilyn and talked to her all the time. We did not have any classes together. Marilyn had Down Syndrome. She had to go to some classes to help her understand what was taught. But, she really was intelligent. She was also a couple years older than myself. I didn't care. I really liked Marilyn. I would get upset because people were really mean to her and teased her. Not around me though.
Many kids made fun of her and they would tell her she was not pretty. Oh how that upset me. It would make her cry too.
I would shoo away anyone that was rude to any of my friends but Marilyn especially. Who does that to anyone?
Well, I survived High School and so did my friends.
I went through life, it just was inevitable to happen. Years later, about 20 years after high school I moved to a tiny apartment that was hardly big enough for me, yet alone my five kids but I did have one child living with me at the time and would you know: I moved right next door to two childhood friends. Marilyn who married her high school sweet heart, who is mildly autistic and highly functional.
Marilyn was in my home one day and I was getting ready for work. We were talking and I was in a rush so I told her to come to my room while I got ready. I was looking for something to put on when she was talking. We were talking about her favorite singer(Micheal Jackson) and she paused and said, "You know I have a friend at work that is really beautiful like you and me" I said "Oh Marilyn, thank you. You always called me beautiful. How can you say that so easily? I have the hardest time with calling myself beautiful." She said"Well, did your mom call you beautiful?" "Yes", "Does your mom lie? I know Sister Jensen, She never lies. But you trust your mom?" I said "Yes. And you are right my mom never lies." She said "Do you remember when we were in school and the kids were mean and made fun of me and call me ugly and make me cry?" I said "It always bothered me, Marilyn. It was horrible." She, in a matter of fact tone said,"Do you know that I was angry at them and cried not because they called me ugly, but because my mom always said I was beautiful and my mom never lied. They were calling my mom a liar, Dena. That was so mean to tell me I was ugly when my mom was not lying. I am beautiful"
Here I am, 20 years after high school still struggling with my self Esteem when someone with Down Syndrome has a better self esteem than me! How amazing that Marilyn could know something so easily. She taught me so much about myself and I learned a lot about her too.
If we can see ourselves for what God or the people that love us the most, we would think differently about ourselves.
If we knew our daughters or sons thought badly about themselves, we would want to come to their side and tell them... You are wonderful! You are beautiful! And wouldn't you wish that he or she believed you!? I am sure that that is how God feels when we hurt our bodies and cloud our minds with bad thoughts about ourselves.
As Marilyn said... My mom doesn't lie. Why don't you believe her?
Do I have enough trust in someone to believe that what they say is true? When you look at yourself in the mirror, is your daughter around? Is she watching you and looking at herself too? Does she grab her stomach or butt like you do and say..."If I did not have this fat right here I would look sooo much better in these jeans" ? Does she tell you that she is ugly? Do you know what she says to her friends about her weight? What she feels about her body? Do you think that your sons do not have anorexia? Did you know that Athletic boys get pressure to be slim and trim? Did you know athletes are pronged to being anorexic? Sometimes bulimia?
I wish I had Marilyn's matter of fact self confidence, and sadly I do not. But I am lucky and bless I was able to have that conversation with her that day.
I hope that upon reading this you remember that you are beautiful. God does not create junk.
Well, how do I begin?
Let me start at the beginning.
All my life I have been very self conscience. I have always been really shy, but never showed it. And I have always struggled with my self esteem. I lived in about 20 different places from the time I was just wee little until my mom married my father. (not my birth father). There are many contributing factors to my self esteem issues, and some of it I think is just part of my making.
Well, When I was about 12, my self esteem was getting more and more critical and my mom could see it. For my age, I was taller than most children. I stood about 5'9" (1.752meters) and honestly, I was taller than my teachers. I was not a fat girl, really tall.
I was having problems with kids at school taunting me. Everyday.
My mom could see the signs of my self esteem effecting me. She wanted to help me feel like I could walk tall and give me some self confidence. So, She enrolled me in some modeling classes. They were not the "ooh you can be a huge model" type of classes. they were more of the "walk this way, turn this way, sit this way", and show the world you have confidence because people will take notice of this. There were practical things I learned. How to put on make up what to wear in a job interview, how to walk and stand with confidence. My mom was right to put me in those classes. She always told me that I was beautiful. She was not saying it like those mothers in Babes in Tiaras... She always said I walked so gracefully and just things like that. But I always felt like she had to say that because I am her daughter. Of course she is going to think I am so pretty! I am her little girl... right?
Let me now talk about a girl I knew from the time I was in Seventh grade. So, that would make us about 13 years old.
Her name was Marilyn. Marilyn was my friend in everyway. She was funny, cute, very sweet. I really liked Marilyn and talked to her all the time. We did not have any classes together. Marilyn had Down Syndrome. She had to go to some classes to help her understand what was taught. But, she really was intelligent. She was also a couple years older than myself. I didn't care. I really liked Marilyn. I would get upset because people were really mean to her and teased her. Not around me though.
Many kids made fun of her and they would tell her she was not pretty. Oh how that upset me. It would make her cry too.
I would shoo away anyone that was rude to any of my friends but Marilyn especially. Who does that to anyone?
Well, I survived High School and so did my friends.
I went through life, it just was inevitable to happen. Years later, about 20 years after high school I moved to a tiny apartment that was hardly big enough for me, yet alone my five kids but I did have one child living with me at the time and would you know: I moved right next door to two childhood friends. Marilyn who married her high school sweet heart, who is mildly autistic and highly functional.
Marilyn was in my home one day and I was getting ready for work. We were talking and I was in a rush so I told her to come to my room while I got ready. I was looking for something to put on when she was talking. We were talking about her favorite singer(Micheal Jackson) and she paused and said, "You know I have a friend at work that is really beautiful like you and me" I said "Oh Marilyn, thank you. You always called me beautiful. How can you say that so easily? I have the hardest time with calling myself beautiful." She said"Well, did your mom call you beautiful?" "Yes", "Does your mom lie? I know Sister Jensen, She never lies. But you trust your mom?" I said "Yes. And you are right my mom never lies." She said "Do you remember when we were in school and the kids were mean and made fun of me and call me ugly and make me cry?" I said "It always bothered me, Marilyn. It was horrible." She, in a matter of fact tone said,"Do you know that I was angry at them and cried not because they called me ugly, but because my mom always said I was beautiful and my mom never lied. They were calling my mom a liar, Dena. That was so mean to tell me I was ugly when my mom was not lying. I am beautiful"
Here I am, 20 years after high school still struggling with my self Esteem when someone with Down Syndrome has a better self esteem than me! How amazing that Marilyn could know something so easily. She taught me so much about myself and I learned a lot about her too.
If we can see ourselves for what God or the people that love us the most, we would think differently about ourselves.
If we knew our daughters or sons thought badly about themselves, we would want to come to their side and tell them... You are wonderful! You are beautiful! And wouldn't you wish that he or she believed you!? I am sure that that is how God feels when we hurt our bodies and cloud our minds with bad thoughts about ourselves.
As Marilyn said... My mom doesn't lie. Why don't you believe her?
Do I have enough trust in someone to believe that what they say is true? When you look at yourself in the mirror, is your daughter around? Is she watching you and looking at herself too? Does she grab her stomach or butt like you do and say..."If I did not have this fat right here I would look sooo much better in these jeans" ? Does she tell you that she is ugly? Do you know what she says to her friends about her weight? What she feels about her body? Do you think that your sons do not have anorexia? Did you know that Athletic boys get pressure to be slim and trim? Did you know athletes are pronged to being anorexic? Sometimes bulimia?
I wish I had Marilyn's matter of fact self confidence, and sadly I do not. But I am lucky and bless I was able to have that conversation with her that day.
I hope that upon reading this you remember that you are beautiful. God does not create junk.
Monday, November 21, 2011
I just wanted to say:
Maybe I have been speaking too much lately. I have been really serious recently and I have been doing some deep thinking.
Over the years I have grown more and more cynical and less trusting. which is interesting and contrary to what people would think because I met my fiance online. I want to say that although this world is terrible and cruel, and life is not easy, God sends people to us that loves us and loves us in ways that only God can.
Am I making sense to anyone?
In my life I have seen a lot of pain and heart ache and hurt.
I have had a really hard and difficult childhood. But, I have experienced lve and I have a very good mother that even when we had nothing in the home to eat, she would get on her knees and pray and somehow someone would just so happen to be thinking of us when a knock on the door right as my mother would finish her supplication to god. me or one of my sisters would run to the door with no one there, and large amounts of food would be placed at our door step. Who brought the food and how they knew my mom would be in such dire need, I will never know.
I will say that the world has gotten, since my childhood worse and not a better place to live.
But still, I have been able to find love in times of despair, light where there seems to be endless darkness and although I will never know the answers to why in a lot of my deepest questions to God, I know that when I am alone and in need of feeling like I am not so far away from the warmth of my mothers arms, I feel a sense of peace and comfort in my darkest hours.
I have a lot to be thankful for.
I would like to list those things now
If you feel inclined, you can leave a comment of the things you are grateful for
Over the years I have grown more and more cynical and less trusting. which is interesting and contrary to what people would think because I met my fiance online. I want to say that although this world is terrible and cruel, and life is not easy, God sends people to us that loves us and loves us in ways that only God can.
Am I making sense to anyone?
In my life I have seen a lot of pain and heart ache and hurt.
I have had a really hard and difficult childhood. But, I have experienced lve and I have a very good mother that even when we had nothing in the home to eat, she would get on her knees and pray and somehow someone would just so happen to be thinking of us when a knock on the door right as my mother would finish her supplication to god. me or one of my sisters would run to the door with no one there, and large amounts of food would be placed at our door step. Who brought the food and how they knew my mom would be in such dire need, I will never know.
I will say that the world has gotten, since my childhood worse and not a better place to live.
But still, I have been able to find love in times of despair, light where there seems to be endless darkness and although I will never know the answers to why in a lot of my deepest questions to God, I know that when I am alone and in need of feeling like I am not so far away from the warmth of my mothers arms, I feel a sense of peace and comfort in my darkest hours.
I have a lot to be thankful for.
I would like to list those things now
- My health: I have my sight, my body is in good health although I have arthritis and one kidney and asthma, I am in good health
- My Family: I have a loving family. I have amazing and beautiful brothers and sisters. Some of them step and most of them half, but you would never know it by the way they treat me and the way I love them. They are my family no matter what. My parents are loving and good to me and my best friends are my siblings.
- My Fiance and his family. I came here in not knowing the language and culture I had no idea about anything with my fiance. I came here wondering what will happen with my life and many days I still wonder. But my fiance is so good to me and kind to me. I mean he is the most sweetest guy ever. You Americans know what I mean when I say... The Best on this side of the Mississippi... OK... This guy is the BEST ANY side of the Mississippi... I am not just giving him lip service. I really mean it. He has this sweet spirit about him that just is amazing. He is fun to be around, he makes me laugh and smile, he tells me I sing better than Beyoncé, he loves how I dance, he is intelligent, he is very much a gentleman and yet so fun to be with. I adore him and I am grateful to him because if he were not a good man I would not be here.
- My kids. I don't talk about them as much as I should, but I do not talk about things of my deepest heart of heart because I keep those things that are the most sacred to me in my private thinking thoughts. How would I be the person I am with out my dear wonderful amazing people in my life that are my children. They call it as they see it. One child of mine actually at 7 years old knew that I was in a horrible marriage and she was the one that gave me the strength to get out of a horrible abusive relationship. While Many many of my extended family members and friends stabbed me in the back and shunned me for coming to Turkey, my children are the ones that have edified me and lifted me and have been my backbone and my support. Of course they want me in USA as much as I want ot be there, but they also know that even if I were there I would have to be able to support them before they can live with me and so they sit waiting for me patiently while I try to find my way back to USA to live with them and The Long Rock
- I have friends that have been so good to me and so kind to me and supportive of me. Some I have been family members with and we have been able to get to know better by just the internet... I have a couple of cousins (of course they are listed in family) but they are friends too. I am grateful for them.
- I am grateful for the knowledge that there is a God. I am with out a doubt not the most perky person at times: Yes, My Blog title might be contrary... But I really am not always perky and I try to have a positive view point in life. But knowing there is a God or a being higher than myself that loves me and knows that I am more than just a brain and body that I have a soul with worth and value is really the reason for my being. Knowing that there is a god with compassion helps me move forward and give love to those around me. It also helps me not focus on myself either. It helps me direct my sadness and my missing USA to people and things around me that need me at this time and helps me to continue on a path of finding myself, keeping love in my heart and becoming a better person
- I am grateful for the Freedoms I have in USA
- I am grateful for the life I had of being able to travel and see the world
- I am grateful for Mountains. Not just any mountains, But the Utah Rocky Mountains, my home that I miss so much.
- I am grateful that I miss my home because when I go back to Utah,I appreciate it more
- I am grateful that I have lived and am living in this time, in this world and the life I have
If you feel inclined, you can leave a comment of the things you are grateful for
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Speak Up:
I am only one in a Billion.
I don't say that with pride. I am saying that as I think of how really insignificant I am in this vast world with all the people on it. I feel small. I have had nightmares. Everyone does.
But you can't imagine the night mares some people have. At least, times I have to admit, I would not want to.
I watched in horror and not disbelief as a report I have been seeing from a Channel News I get here (yes in English.. Online) has been doing undercover reports of Human Slavery in India. This is mostly of women.
This is no shock to me because over the last 20 years with all the reading and research that has been shown about India there has been much said about Slavery in the past. But mums the word from the actual Government recently in this Century of course. they don't want to lose their status as Leading Global Economic Potential. that would make them look bad.
I have to admit, though, I can read all I want to about it and I still cry when I see reports of this happening.
I feel even smaller as I know that I want to scream out to help these helpless women and yet, I can not help, because I don't have the money.
I wonder how, if I were a woman or a little girl in this country, how I would survive. Would I have the same fate as these women?
I watched this Documentary two different times, trying to absorb it all. I know that this had been happening but to see the faces of the helpless women and to see the hurt in their eyes and the hopelessness of their situation. It was really heart wrenching.
The Government of India does not allow this practice to happen however, it is hard to control and according to one interview with a woman What is her fate if she were to escape? Can you imagine worse fate than being sold into slavery?
Traditions and Different Cultures set me apart from the girls and women in India, but that is all. The only reason I am where I am is because I was born in USA. What if I were born in India? Would my life be like these poor women?
People say this is a new practice in India. I would be more inclined to say that people are hearing about it now, but heavens, I am sure it has just not stopped and people are starting to be more vocal about it now that India and China (yes... It is happening in China too) are becoming more and more chummy with America.
(Please consider this:) There was what used to be a law imposed by the British Raj, called Veth.
What this meant was when someone just got off a train or ship from the Western World (namely Great Britain), the little boys would have to get the bags of the British. If not there were punishments of imprisonment and fines, because the Indian people were considered slaves to the British Raj.
They were to remain that way until the Revolution in 1947, and finally were considered a Free Country in about 1954. (You Don't Remember the Gandhi Story?) So, really how new is this slavery been going on?
I don't want this to be a slam against India. Human trafficking has been going on all over the world, not just in India. I just happened to see this Documentary about India's Bride Trafficking and my heart went out to these girls. The men were so blatant about it and so unfeeling. It made me hurt for them. Not only that, As I said India is growing and thriving and in the poorer districts, the women and children are being taken. I talked about girls but little boys are being taken to labor camps. They have the highest rate right now of Trafficking and Bride Trafficking. There is an estimated 250,000 Nepalese Women in the red light districts of India in 1999 and they said back then that 5,000-7,000 girls between the ages of 10-14 are taken for brothels. Some of them barely 9 .Below are some of the faces of India's Bride Trafficking. I can't help but think that I just happened to be born in USA and had a decent life. The fate of these women and children are unknown. I am so sad for these women and wish I could help.
I don't say that with pride. I am saying that as I think of how really insignificant I am in this vast world with all the people on it. I feel small. I have had nightmares. Everyone does.
But you can't imagine the night mares some people have. At least, times I have to admit, I would not want to.
I watched in horror and not disbelief as a report I have been seeing from a Channel News I get here (yes in English.. Online) has been doing undercover reports of Human Slavery in India. This is mostly of women.
This is no shock to me because over the last 20 years with all the reading and research that has been shown about India there has been much said about Slavery in the past. But mums the word from the actual Government recently in this Century of course. they don't want to lose their status as Leading Global Economic Potential. that would make them look bad.
I have to admit, though, I can read all I want to about it and I still cry when I see reports of this happening.
I feel even smaller as I know that I want to scream out to help these helpless women and yet, I can not help, because I don't have the money.
I wonder how, if I were a woman or a little girl in this country, how I would survive. Would I have the same fate as these women?
I watched this Documentary two different times, trying to absorb it all. I know that this had been happening but to see the faces of the helpless women and to see the hurt in their eyes and the hopelessness of their situation. It was really heart wrenching.
The Government of India does not allow this practice to happen however, it is hard to control and according to one interview with a woman What is her fate if she were to escape? Can you imagine worse fate than being sold into slavery?
Traditions and Different Cultures set me apart from the girls and women in India, but that is all. The only reason I am where I am is because I was born in USA. What if I were born in India? Would my life be like these poor women?
People say this is a new practice in India. I would be more inclined to say that people are hearing about it now, but heavens, I am sure it has just not stopped and people are starting to be more vocal about it now that India and China (yes... It is happening in China too) are becoming more and more chummy with America.
(Please consider this:) There was what used to be a law imposed by the British Raj, called Veth.
What this meant was when someone just got off a train or ship from the Western World (namely Great Britain), the little boys would have to get the bags of the British. If not there were punishments of imprisonment and fines, because the Indian people were considered slaves to the British Raj.
They were to remain that way until the Revolution in 1947, and finally were considered a Free Country in about 1954. (You Don't Remember the Gandhi Story?) So, really how new is this slavery been going on?
I don't want this to be a slam against India. Human trafficking has been going on all over the world, not just in India. I just happened to see this Documentary about India's Bride Trafficking and my heart went out to these girls. The men were so blatant about it and so unfeeling. It made me hurt for them. Not only that, As I said India is growing and thriving and in the poorer districts, the women and children are being taken. I talked about girls but little boys are being taken to labor camps. They have the highest rate right now of Trafficking and Bride Trafficking. There is an estimated 250,000 Nepalese Women in the red light districts of India in 1999 and they said back then that 5,000-7,000 girls between the ages of 10-14 are taken for brothels. Some of them barely 9 .Below are some of the faces of India's Bride Trafficking. I can't help but think that I just happened to be born in USA and had a decent life. The fate of these women and children are unknown. I am so sad for these women and wish I could help.
![]() |
| This woman was taken against her will and it was so long ago she can not remember when she was taken. |
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| This man is interviewing a Traffick Bride, taken against her will |
![]() |
| This woman said she feels there is nothing to live for anymore. She was taken from her Village, and has no way to escape the rape, beatings and abuse she has endured. |
I have no regret Hating Some People
OK... People... I really rarely hate other people. But I do hate people that do bad things to other people.
Like Child Molesters. I really think that because there is no way to rehabilitate a Child Molester. I am not the only one that thinks that. It s a fact. I am really sickened by anyone that harms children. With that
Am I the only one that thinks that is Freaking CREEPY that Jerry Sandusky's Book title is called "Touched: Jerry Sandusky Story" Freaking WHAT??? Yes. Touched. Not only that, It is a creepy title for a book anyway.
Am I the only one that sees a sick irony in this? And Who will buy the book now? Not only that... How credible is he anymore? Not to mention how in the book he gave himself the nickname, "The Great Pretender" That is itself is another sick irony? I see it as he calls himself that but doing all this perversion to those boys... Yeah... He is a Great Pretender...
I read in too much extent the stories of the boys that he did those things to. I think the man needs to die. He will not, but I hope everyday he regrets everyday he hurt a child. In the book he says... He has no regrets. REALLY?? NONE sicko??? Then I hope that he is given the same "loving treatment" with NO REGRETS in Prison. Rest Assured, if even out of guilt he will finally regret something!
I have spoken on this issue. I do not even want to post the articles I wrote because you can go online and find it and am so disgusted with this pervert and Penn State and the President of Penn State right now I can not believe that some of these people are allowed to exist.
YAY!
I posted this a while back and wanted to Thank the Prime Minister of Turkey, Mr Erdoğan for not taking all the webpages I love from me. You Mr Prime Minister, are a Cool Dude.
I love Turkey again.
I love Turkey again.
And More of Bodrum: The Mausoleum at Halicarnassus
I have such bad luck with my internet so I have had to split up the picture downloading.
Sorry Guys! I did not want to do that, but I had to. thank the lack of Internet Fairies here.
Sorry Guys! I did not want to do that, but I had to. thank the lack of Internet Fairies here.
| The View of the Castle with a close up from the Antique Theater |
| See above the Evergreen Needles there is a blackened space in the Rock? Looks like a cave-ish thing to me and I want to go!! |
| We saw these all over Bodrum and I found that they are Cisterns. Turkey has hundreds of them! This one is at least 2,000 years old (Built by Romans or Earlier!) |
| So this is a huge Olive Tree and I just can not imagine how old it is but It was Magnificent. Casually Sitting in a Front Yard. |
| All homes in Bodrum as supposed to be white washed. This is an old old home and wall. I had to snap a photo of it |
| One of the roads we saw while looking for the Mausoleum. Very Quaint |
| I loved this home and LongRock saw it first and said... You will love this! Come here! He was right! |
| We went down the wrong street but look at the lovely picture we got out of it! |
| These were along the top: The Great Battles Mausolos fought and won. |
| A small scale model of what the Archeologists believe it looked like, with underground canal system |
| Part of the Great Mausoleum |
| A Column.. St Peter's Castle, the Bodrum Castle is made with the Mausoleum. When Log Rock and I read this we thought... Dang, no wonder that castle is so huge! |
| Upon rediscovering the Ruins of the Mausoleum, the Government bought the land around it where the families were living. It is in a regular neighborhood. |
| Underground canal system |
| Cooling off after a long walk all over Bodrum looking for sites: Just for me. He is such a great guy! And so dang handsome! (Back off Ladies.. This guy is mine!) |
Saturday, November 19, 2011
More of the Bodrum Trip with The Long Rock
So, we spent the second day on the beach and basking in the sun but the third day Erkan and I went to the Antique Theater and The Mausoleum. It was named after Mausolus The Great. A Ruler that was beloved by the people in the Region (Ancient City of Halicarnassus!) Here is a little something about him. So, a Mausoleum was built when he died and that is where the word comes from. It was considered one of the Seven Wonders of the World. Well I wanted to see it badly and there were some other things we wanted to see but just did not have the time.
Again... List of things I did see there:
Now this is the beauty with Bodrum. The entire area had once a great wall surrounding it and the city was indeed great Halicarnassus. Interesting the walls are still scattered where once thrived this Ancient City. We read about the Antique Theater which are first set of Pictures. Now, the Antique theater was only discovered in the 19702s and the hillside that is rests on was completely covered. They started slowly removing the dirt and found that it was in fact a huge theater. I we saw it from the street and thought, It is like the size of an I-Max. However, sitting in the seats, it is more like the size of two! It is really big. It is very steed to climb and so It is built straight up. The other interesting not is that there are mazes under the stones where people are supposed to sit, I think so that actors can come out from different sides, and maybe for protection if needed with important people. It is so fascinating that there are all these things that we have not discovered here in Turkey yet! Wow!
The Second set of pictures were of the Mausoleum. I will write captions accordingly.
5 days was not long enough!
OK... Here are more pictures
Again... List of things I did see there:
- Bodrum Castle (Freaking Awesome!)
- Stayed in the Gümbet (Party Every night... You quiet people will want to stay not in Gümbet)
- Antique Theater
- (Looked for Lydos Gate... I understand where it is ... Now that I am not there! :( (A bit Hard to find)
- Antique Harbor
- Famous Shopping in Bodrum (no we did not get to the Turkish Carpets which are Hugely famous world wide... From Bodrum)
- Aegean Sea every day and walks along the Aegean Sea at night
- From the distance we noticed Windmills but did not know about them until we came home but we wanted to walk to them
- Mausoleum at Halicarnassus built by Artemisia
- Discovered there is a Monastery there want we want to go: St George Monastery...
- Saw the Windmills from a distance but, they are very interesting. They are over 1,000 years old and were stopped being used by the 1980's
- Discovered there is an Ancient Greek Temple and we were trying to figure out how to get there. But we were So very Curious and want to go back to look for it
Now this is the beauty with Bodrum. The entire area had once a great wall surrounding it and the city was indeed great Halicarnassus. Interesting the walls are still scattered where once thrived this Ancient City. We read about the Antique Theater which are first set of Pictures. Now, the Antique theater was only discovered in the 19702s and the hillside that is rests on was completely covered. They started slowly removing the dirt and found that it was in fact a huge theater. I we saw it from the street and thought, It is like the size of an I-Max. However, sitting in the seats, it is more like the size of two! It is really big. It is very steed to climb and so It is built straight up. The other interesting not is that there are mazes under the stones where people are supposed to sit, I think so that actors can come out from different sides, and maybe for protection if needed with important people. It is so fascinating that there are all these things that we have not discovered here in Turkey yet! Wow!
The Second set of pictures were of the Mausoleum. I will write captions accordingly.
5 days was not long enough!
OK... Here are more pictures
| Walking up to the Theater. Notice the Stone how they were cut. |
| Yep, Lizard. I bet his ancestors went to the Famous Greek Plays here!!! |
| Poor Long Rock! He was literally saying "REALLY MORE PICS?" but he was sweet about it |
| Long Rock is 6 feet tall and standing in the middle or part of the center stage. I wanted to show how huge this Theater is! |
| So, I was standing in this pit that was blocked off tot he public but there are corridors behind all this seating area in this Theater. |
| Long Rock was so good to me. He did what I asked and ran to the pit so I can snap pictures and he could see it. I thought it was cool! He was so hot but humored me... THAT is love My Readers! |
| Above picture I told you about the pit and corridors... Well, I put the camera through the spokes of the Metal Gate and snapped a couple of pictures. |
| This one was at a weird angle. I had to put my whole arm through and I wanted to see what was down there .. this it the picture I got... I thought I would post it |
| In the stage, behind it were these huge columns... Long rock and I were fascinated with them The stage is just huge. |
| Long Rock Meditating |
| I wanted to show how amazing the cutting it on the big marble. I thought it was so impressive... They think This was built 800 -600 years BC... |
| The Columns in the back of the stage: This is a close up of some Granite and Marble. I am just amazed that the cutting is so precise |
| Picture of Long Rock Back Stage... I wonder what this looked like when it was all in glory? |
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