I have a blog that I use for a webpage I named with my dad called "Personal Development Growth and Change". I had been writing in it quite a bit and gradually have been slowing down but I have decided to put more effort in writing on it and this is what I posted on it today. I named 10 things that Fathers can do to be a better Father.
This post was Written by Dena Jensen
I have had writer's block these last few
weeks, and I apologize for that. I want to be better at posting more,
and I need to be better at posting on here more. I am growing and
learning.
Anyway, I have been thinking about this
topic for sometime now. This is in no way pointing fingers. I have
happened to want to talk right now specifically to you men.
In this world and in American Society,
we have a big problem with over crowded Prisons and jails, we have a
very pandemic problem with crimes and if you were to dig deep into the
problems, you will find more than 60% of these people were raised in a
home with out their fathers ever being in their life.
This, we can conclude, is scary. It is
scary because we as adults have a responsibility to our future and we
have a responsibility to our children in particular. With this said, I
would like to write 10 Ways to Be A Better Father the order of which is
not in any in particular. .
Be A Good Example
All children admire their dads. When we
are little in the school yard, we brag about whose father is taller,
stronger bigger, smarter, etc etc etc. I remember once a boy said to
me,"My dad can beat up your dad". I was offended. Why would anyone want
to beat up my dad? I said, "My dad has written more books than your dad"
Which was probably true, and to this day I do not know what his dad does, but, that to me was a more realistic argument.
Fathers need to be in their children's
lives and at an early age, and a good example to their children. For you
Fathers that do not get to see your children more than what court
allows, you need to make the most of that. And never do anything that
will make your child question your integrity later. Kids deserve a good
example in their life and the best examples are their parents.
Be Humble
Love is not boastful. Sometimes parents
will make mistakes now and then, we are only human. But, it is OK and
even healthy for children to see that when an adult makes a mistake,
they humble themselves and apologize. It is OK to apologize to a child
now and then. It shows that you are willing to accept that you might be
wrong now and then and that you will accept them if they make mistakes.
Sometimes that is all it takes for a child. We can learn from ourselves
and learn from our children when we have a bit of humility.
Be Involved
If you are a married father with your
children in your home, this is optimum. But, sometimes this can not
happen and moms and dads are more commonly divorced. Whatever the home
situation is, you need to be involved in your child's life. Going to
their games, talking to their teachers, being home for dinner, planning
family activities with your children are just somethings you can do to
be in your children's life. Other things such as helping your children
with homework, teaching them how to drive, taking them on an errand,
fixing the house or cars, cleaning the kitchen with your child after a
meal, making a meal for the family, or simply going on a walk with your
child are just other simple ways to get involved in your child's life.
sometimes this will mean having to download "Skype" to video chat with
them. Hey, Dad, that is better than no communication. They are wanting
you to reach out to them. You are the parent, you need to be the one to
do it.
Keep Family Ties/ Love Your Own Parents
The best way for your child to know
about his/herself and you is for you to have a healthy good family
relation with you and your own family. Grandparents in the USA actually
do not have parental rights to their grand children so in a divorce if
the divorce is very bitter, the grandparents are caught in a pretty sad
battle and usually the losing side and rarely seeing the grand-kids. On
the rare occasion there are families that are not a good influence, and
the grandparents are not a good example in the children's life, of
course, we say there needs to be an emancipation of the family. In the
most part, families are not bad. Keep in contact and good relations with
those family members that are good and healthy and provide a healthy
relationship with your children.
Be Gentle
I have noticed that it is usually the
father in the home that is more of the disciplinary and the mother is
the one saying "Wait til your father gets home"! And that is supposed to
be a threat to the child to straighten up and do what they are told or
dad will come home and handle them. I do not think this is fair and
sometimes it works. But, dad's when in reality do you want to come home
after a hard day's work and discipline the kids? Dads need to learn to
hand over the discipline to the mom and the dad's need to be more like
the mom and have the fun time with the kids. I am not saying children
should not have discipline, but use a balance. And never ever physical
discipline. My dad was good with using weed pulling and yard work as a
discipline. Mom would just send us to our room, as a time out. However, I
loved being in my room more than being out of it o dad developed the
pulling weeds idea for me. For every minute I was snarky to my parents, I
got 5 minute of weed pulling. It added up fast as a teen. But, It was a
good way to get out some upset emotions I had, and good exercise and a
good way to get the yard clean. However, mom and dad were very gentle
with me and still are. Kids learn better with someone guiding them, not
hitting them or belittling them.
Be Honest
Children need honesty. Sometimes there
needs to be private and quiet discussions that are age appropriate. If
your child is an adult, honesty, but discretion. I happened to
see a friend of a friend's wall on Facebook on Mother's Day. I was
astonished and yet grateful. I was astonished on what this mother had on
her wall, and grateful she was not my friend on Facebook nor in person.
Her whole life was right there on Facebook for the world to see. She
was fighting with her husband and both herself and husband were posting
everything publicly. Honesty is so important however, sometimes, even
when you are fighting with your wife and very angry, go behind a closed
door and quietly work it out together, and not using any Social Network
as a means of handling the situation. Your kids will thank you in the
long run.
Be Wise
Be wise with your money and time
you spend with your children. Be wise with your friendships and how you
handle life's situations. Your children watch you and follow your
footsteps. They admire you and they want to be like you. Be wise with
how you speak of others and how you conduct your life.
Spend Time
My dad would take me on "Father Daughter
Dances" and "Daddy Dates" when I was 10, and all the way through my
teen age years. We would go on family rides in the canyon, fishing,
walks, vacations, spend family time together. Once a week, in fact,
every Monday Night we had in our home "Family Home Evening". This is
when mom and dad or one of us kids would pick a topic that we would talk
about. Honesty, Integrity, The Meaning Of Christmas, The True Meaning
of Easter, Faith, Value of Prayer... It was one hour of us learning a
new Virtue. After wards, mom would go in the kitchen and make a dessert
while we would have "Family Council" This is when we would all
talk about the week, what we were planning for the next month as far as
car usage, family rules we needed to go over, if there were any
announcements to make, they were made then, ideas for other family
activities would be planned then. We talked and socialized during Dinner
too. Every night dad would get home if he did not have an evening class
and we would have dinner at 6:00 pm every night. That was a time for
us to talk about our day. Those things will always be in my heart and
mind. Especially Family Home Evening.
Give Freedom
Children want discipline but they also
want independence. Once your child gradually grows and develops, you
will see ways in which that child will need their freedom. This is
natural and a part of growing and becoming their own individual human.
It is natural for a parent to not want a child to suffer the same way
they did. It is natural for a parent to say things such as, "Don't make
the same mistakes I did!" I was involved with a discussion once where a
mother whose daughter is so very talented with music and vocal skills. I
mean... I am in awe. The daughter wants to go to a University where she
can grow musically but her mother is insistent she follow another path.
Not allowing this girl the freedom to pursue the dream of going to a
Music University will just lead for resentment. Of course there is the
fear that she may not get in. Which is not her mother's fear. Her
mother's fear is that she will not be happy and that she will have a
life full of drugs because many musicians are on drugs. Her mom wants
her to pursue something more "Academic".
Well, to this I say, the mother needs
to give this young lady a little more independence. Parents need to
realize that children have their own dreams and their own talents and
abilities.
Be Loving
Be kind and loving to everyone. Do not
let your kids know you have a disdain for your ex-wife and her family.
Be kind to your children and speak good words about people. Your
children will trust you and love you more and feel more accepted by you
if you are kind to others and say good things and stay positive about
the world around you. Children need love, and you as a father are the
perfect one to give them love. Sometimes it is hard to give a hug to a
child. Start with patting them on the shoulder or back. Praise them when
they do something good or something you like. Give them kind words of
love when they are with you and always let them know you love them. I
know many people who have sadly, ended their marriage in divorce. I have
seen either side speak so badly of the other parent. This will damage
the children and make the wounds of divorce even deeper. If parents are
not divorced, then they should never ever speak badly about the other
parent. There is never good that will come of this. Never speak harshly
to your child either. Children need to hear good words from their dads.
Hug your children. Tell them you love them, tell them how important they
are in your life. You will be pleasant surprised the blessings that
will be returned to you;and your children deserve to have the best of
you.
Well, this is my list. If you father's
have anything else to contribute or if you have a good experience with
your children you would like to share with us, please post it.
To all the good healthy fathers out
there that have been loving and good and kind to your children, good
work! Keep up the good life you are giving your children!
I hope you all continue to read my blog,
and I will continue to write or have my dad write for more information
on Growth and Change.
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