Happy Christmas, World

I haven't said much about this topic lately, but, I think I will now. 
I haven't been shy in telling people that I have a birth father. He was not a part of my life, I mean, he was to a small degree, and I always wanted a relationship with him. 
Growing up was hard without my dad. I mean, I did have father figures in my life, but I always wanted a dad. My own dad married my mom when I was 10, and they had 3 more children together. My dad was kind to me, and he has become more and more cynical the older he has been getting. It's been hard. I never knew why my daddy (my birth father) wasn't around me. It was really painful. 

About three year ago when I went off Facebook (or was that two years ago) I started writing texts to my brother my birth father's son, so my brother. Just back and forth, hey, how's it going... That kind of stuff. Thanksgiving of 2017 my daddy called me! I knew immediately it was him! I was so happy! we talked for an hour and we started from that time on, to talking, texting, etc. I have been loving it. I have never spent a holiday with him. It's been a year and a month that we have been talking on a regular basis. about three weeks ago I was invited to go to my daddy's house to spend the Holiday season with him, his wife, my brother and sister! I will be going to his home tomorrow, and I will be returning in a week! I am really super excited about it. I have decided to let go the asking why I have not been able to see him for years, and I have not asked him why my childhood was spent without him. Will those answers really settle with me? I don't think that they will. But, there here and now, and not living in the past, being able to connect with him and learn about his life and family and culture, will help me find out who I am. Not knowing him is like not knowing who I am. I am really blessed that I am able to have this opportunity. My daddy and I can have a relationship now. We can do catch up and I can learn more about my Czech side of my family. I am really excited. REALLY excited. I feel that winter time is a time of rebirth, renewal, and I feel that this is the perfect time for renewing my relationship with my daddy. It is a beautiful thing. I know that it takes a lot of growth to forgive and let go, and move on and move forward.  I hope that anyone reading this has an opportunity to renew relationships and show love and kindness to the people around them. It is a good thing. We want light, love, and good things in our lives. 

Love and Hugs  to all those reading this! I will write more when I am in my (wont say where) daddy's house, enjoying the amazing time with my paternal family! 

The iPhone Adventure

Dear Little iPhone (4S);
     I do not know what happened to you, however, I wish that you would talk. You would have so much to talk about! 
   First I want to apologize for accidentally leaving you in the Women's Bathroom at the 7-11 in a really rough part of town! 

I am amazed however, that you are not stolen and that you are working and functioning exactly how you should! 

You were missing for exactly 25 hours and what a story you could tell if you could speak. The other thing I would like to say, and I can not express this enough, is how happy I am that the employee found you in a plastic bag under the bathroom sink. Thank you 7-11 employee for finding you under the sink in a plastic bag!!!  

Thank you, 7-11 for calling me and telling me my dear sweet iPhone was found and thank you for keeping my iPhone safe until I could come back and get it!!! All round good day for us all!!! 

(Amazing adventure my iPhone had, I know) 

I want to say I am mostly thankful for Long Rock for getting me the iPhone to begin with. See, he had to work hard to get me the phone, and then I had to go through a bunch of stuff to get it legal there because we had to pay taxes and customs and import fees. So, we had to work hard to get it to be usable in Turkey! 

Well, iPhone is found and all is well that ends well. Now if it could speak. What an adventure it would have!  

Letters

Has anyone thought of those? 

  A handwritten letter with your name and adress and stamped and mailed... To you. I am not talking about bills. I am talking about a real letter. 

 I love those. I miss getting those.

 I got one today in the mail from my brother, Bridger. It was a family letter of the year, but he spend the time to make the pictures, find out my address (he asked me for it) and he sent it to me. 

  I love that more than anything. 

Thanks, Bridger. You are seriously the best. 

I have three siblings that I adore with all my heart. Of course I come from a huge family and love ALL my siblings but three siblings I am the closest to. Bridger, Kendal and Summer. Summer helped me with her husband A LOT and I can not ever repay them for how good they are to me

  Kendal is the dearest sweetest brother I have that adds logic and reason to my life. 

Bridger is my closest dearest friend and brother. Bridger and I are so very close and through out the years has always supported me and never ever deserted me when other people have.

They are my heroes and my greatest friends. I love that Bridger sent me the letter. 

 Summer sent me a yearly letter, too... She sent it as an email. I loved hearing from her too. 

My sister Darci sent me one just last week!!! How sweet they are to send me email when they know I do not get the yearly letters that the family exchanges. 

It is like they are thinking of me... I love them... 

I just wanted to say:

Maybe I have been speaking too much lately. I have been really serious recently and I have been doing some deep thinking.
  Over the years I have grown more and more cynical and less trusting. which is interesting and contrary to what people would think because I met my fiance online.  I want to say that although this world is terrible and cruel, and life is not easy, God sends people to us that loves us and loves us in ways that only God can.
 Am I making sense to anyone?
In my life I have seen a lot of pain and heart ache and hurt.
I have had a really hard and difficult childhood. But, I have experienced lve and I have a very good mother that even when we had nothing in the home to eat, she would get on her knees and pray and somehow someone would just so happen to be thinking of us when a knock on the door right as  my mother would finish her supplication to god. me or one of my sisters would run to the door with no one there, and large amounts of food would be placed at our door step. Who brought the food and how they knew my mom would be in such dire need, I will never know.
 I will say that the world has gotten, since my childhood worse and not a better place to live.
 But still, I have been able to find love in times of despair, light where there seems to be endless darkness and although I will never know the answers to why in a lot of my deepest questions to God, I know that when I am alone and in need of feeling like I am not so far away from the warmth of my mothers arms, I feel a sense of peace and comfort in my darkest hours.
 I have a lot to be thankful for.
I would like to list those things now

• My health: I have my sight, my body is in good health although I have arthritis and one kidney and asthma, I am in good health
• My Family: I have a loving family. I have amazing and beautiful brothers and sisters. Some of them step and most of them half, but you would never know it by the way they treat me and the way I love them. They are my family no matter what. My parents are loving and good to me and my best friends are my siblings.
• My Fiance and his family. I came here in not knowing the language and culture I had no idea about anything with my fiance. I came here wondering what will happen with my life and many days I still wonder. But my fiance is so good to me and kind to me. I mean he is the most sweetest guy ever. You Americans know what I mean when I say... The Best on this side of the Mississippi... OK... This guy is the BEST ANY side of the Mississippi... I am not just giving him lip service. I really mean it. He has this sweet spirit about him that just is amazing. He is fun to be around, he makes me laugh and smile, he tells me I sing better than Beyoncé, he loves how I dance, he is intelligent, he is very much a gentleman and yet so fun to be with. I adore him and I am grateful to him because if he were not a good man I would not be here. 
• My kids. I don't talk about them as much as I should, but I do not talk about things of my deepest heart of heart because I keep those things that are the most sacred to me in my private thinking thoughts. How would I be the person I am with out my dear wonderful amazing people in  my life that are my children. They call it as they see it. One child of mine actually at 7 years old knew that I was in a horrible marriage and she was the one that gave me the strength to get out of a horrible abusive relationship. While Many many of my extended family members and friends stabbed me in the back and shunned me for coming to Turkey, my children are the ones that have edified me and lifted me and have been my backbone and my support. Of course they want me in USA as much as I want ot be there, but they also know that even if I were there I would have to be able to support them before they can live with me and so they sit waiting for me patiently while I try to find my way back to USA to live with them and The Long Rock
• I have friends that have been so good to me and so kind to me and supportive of me. Some I have been family members with and we have been able to get to know better by just the internet... I have a couple of cousins (of course they are listed in family) but they are friends too. I am grateful for them.
• I am grateful for the knowledge that there is a God. I am with out a doubt not the most perky person at times: Yes, My Blog title might be contrary... But I really am not always perky and I try to have a positive view point in life. But knowing there is a God or a being higher than myself that  loves me and knows that I am more than just a brain and body that I have a soul with worth and value is really the  reason for my being.  Knowing that there is a god with compassion helps me move forward and give love to those around me. It also helps me not focus on myself either. It helps me direct my sadness and my missing USA to people and things around me that need me at this time and helps me to continue on a path of finding myself, keeping love in my heart and becoming a better person
• I am grateful for the Freedoms I have in USA 
• I am grateful for the life I had of being able to travel and see the world
• I am grateful for Mountains. Not just any mountains, But the Utah Rocky Mountains, my home that I miss so much. 
• I am grateful that I miss my home because when I go back to Utah,I appreciate it more
• I am grateful that I have lived and am living in this time, in this world and the life I have

Well, I said enough today. I just wanted to say a few things.

If you feel inclined, you can leave a comment of the things you are grateful for