On Pain

Sometimes there are no words for how my heart feels. I know it is a combination of sorrow, heartache, and manifestts itself into pain. 

I read a quote from C.S.Lewis that says, "Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more harder to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say 'My tooth aches' than to say, 'My heart is broken'." 

  The human experience is strange, awful, terrible, sorrowful, painful, beautiful, loving, joyful, and full of tears. Time and time again, I think can my body produce more tears? And just when my eyes have been drained of the tears and drenched my pillow, I don't think I can prooduce one more tear, they run down my face again. 

It is my human experience. It is my joy or my pain I have endure in order to the be the person I am created to be. It hurts so much, and sometimes I can't feel my heart. My heart is split. sometimes I think I can't even think of how to put my heart back in place. Some days, I don't even think about how to make my heart whole again. But this is me, all of me. My scars, my good, my bad, my being. I am just being. That is all I can do is "Be". That is me for now. I can't wrap my head around all the world's sorrows. There is too much suffering and I can't help my dear ones in the world. I want to. I want to hug every person suffering and going through their own human experiences that are painful, that only the heart feels and can't even speak. Please know, I am with you. I am holding on to every breath you breath and I can only say may you have peace. Peace be upon you. I am sorry I can not remove your pain. I can't remove your shattered heart. I want to. I want to mend it and give it back to you. But, I can say, I know pain too. That kind of pain that makes your heart ache so much you think it is going to stop, and it feels so painful you can only stop in your tracks and you can't think you can go on. Please carry forward. Hold onto something dear to keep you moving forward. Even if there is no hope and you're not sure where the path is. It will come soon. the path will clear away, and you will see it. Carry on. 

There are no answers to pain. There are no answers to sorrows. I am sorry. I wish there were answers to the question "Why?" I used to asked often when I was younger. Then, I stopped asking why because I realized, there are no answers to why. Sometimes Why answers are because humans hurt other humans. The other answer to why is that humans are the only species created that have reason and think with reason and they have no morals. Those answers I don't even want to say and think. 

I hope you find peace. I hope you find love. with all the pain there is the opposite. Joy and love. with great Pain comes great Joy. 

May you, my readers have great joy and peace. 

Shanti.  

It is Christmas Season, Again!!!

I don't know about my wonderful readers (btw, thanks for reading my posts! I am getting about 200 readers a month now! WOW!!!)
 But, I want to come out and tell you something about myself. 

  I love LOVE the Thanksgiving and Christmas Holiday, but I have noticed, I get really depressed over the Winter Season, and noticably more and more depressed over the Christmas Holiday these last three years. 
I am sure there are a few factors, I miss my kids, my family, I miss the things that I normally do during the holiday season. Being here is hard a bit for me because I am very much a family and friend person. I am not talking about doing anything drastic, I just really get extra emotional, and very homesick. 
I have noticed that I want to hibernate more in the winter too. 

I am coming out and telling people about this because, I notice I have many readers from countries that, in the winter, typically, are very harsh, and the days are shorter in the winter. For example my mother grew up in Alaska where the winter days were only light for about 4 hours. I am guessing some of you have those kinds o f winters. Well, I wanted to write about some of the things I do in the winter to try to life my spirits. I hope it helps all of you..

First of all, I know if my parents read this they would fall over, but, I have a drink now and then. Mind you I dont get drunk. I just enjoy a drink now and then. I cant say this enough. Never drink alone. WHY? Let me tell you. Alcohol is a depressant. So, when you are drinking alone, you have a tenancy to be more depressed and lonely, and this is not a good thing. Also, Don't drink often. My fahter would say: Don't drink at all... But, I am not here to preach. I am here to be reasonable. Many Europeans drink with their meals,and I think many of my readers it would be really hard, so I am saying: Don't drink alone. I don't ever drink alone. 

Second: Take 20 minutes a day for meditation. I can call it prayer, if you want. I find that when I read the scriptures, and pray, I am actually cleaning my spirit, I am trying to connect with God, (whomever you think is the Being that Created us, the Great Spirit, etc) Trust me, this helps a lot. 

Third: Listen to uplifting music. Don't get me wrong. I love ALL kinds of music. I love Rap, I love Hip Hop, I love all kinds. I have found that some of my spiritual moments have been with music. Your soul needs to be filled with positive energy, and music is perfect form of communication with your inner spirit. Uplifiting music will help you, please trust me. Go on YouTube and find "Mormon Tabernacle Choir", "The Vienna Boys Choir", Douglas Spotted Eagle, Enya, Neil Diamond, Mozart, Chopin, etc etc etc... There is a lot of just beautiful music for us to enjoy! 

Fourth: Keep a journal. Write things about how you feel, what you did n the day, what you want to do and how you want to be. Write what you are thankful for everyday. Write about your fears, and joys, and triumphs and what you want to over come in your life. And again::: Write about what you are Thankful for. 

Fifth: Smile. Give a smile to someone, once a day. Find laughter find a way to laugh at your trials. 

Sixth: Do something good for someone at least once a day. This can be anythig: Suprise flowers for your loved one for no reason at all, opening the door for an elderly woman, or helping someone crosee the street. Take the time listening to a friend who has some problems, tell your mom or dad you love them, just something good for someone. You will find that when you do some act of kindness for someone with out wanting anything in return, you are actually filling your heart with kindness that you will never find anywhere else. Doing good to others isn't always for them, it is to make yourself a better person. 

Those are the "Spiritual things"

Now::: Let me tell you about things that also might help. 

I have been reading about this condition that I have, Well, I think I have. It is called S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder. Here is a Link about SAD   Here is another link: Here is another Link about SAD 
And here is the last link about it:  OK So here is the Last Link about SAD 

These all say the same thing: That sunlight helps those with SAD. I have to say, I don't think I noticed it when I lived in Utah, because when I was working, I would go to the Tanning Booth. OK... Judge me, I would go about 30- 45 min a week, about 15 min a week sometime, and I was energized, I was fine. I would go after work and when I felt really down, going would pick me up and make me feel great. I felt like I was just great! Well, I have noticed that since I have been living here in Turkey I have not been going to the Tanning Booths, and it has been effecting me. I know that people say you should not go, but there are some people that need sun lamps. What it doed for me is trick my mind to thinking that I was in the sun. I did not need medication. 
 I posted this last week on Facebook, That I think I have it and I heard that this year, it is being recognized as a real disorder, which I am glad. I think that some people have this disorder. I know I do. MY friends on FaceBook about 8% of them, responded with they had it or were married with a person that has it. Then about 35% of my friends never heard of it and said that they might know someone that might have it. Mind you::: about 85% off all my firneds on Facebook knows eachother, are family or went to the same HighSchool as I , meaning that maybe 80 of my friends of 100 of them, are all friends with eachother. I have some friends that have about 200 of the same friends as I::: All from HighSchool, so they can say, I think I know someone with SAD, they could be talking about the same person that wrote: I have SAD, or My spouse has SAD (I have friends who have married their HS sweetheart, and all are m y friends on FB) This is an idicator to me that that, I, in my humble opinion, about 4-5% of North Americans in the 48 States very well could have SAD and not know it. 
When I lived in Arizona, I might have had it but I never noticed it because I was busy, I had kids ran a day care on my own, and I was in the sun all the time. I would in the winter take my day care kids to the Zoo, the Parks, etc,etc and so I never noticed that I had it. It is really sunny in Arizona and hence nicknamed "The Sunsine State". 

Well, My Dear Readers I am sigining out tonight. I hope that you have a happy winter, and please, stay healthy! 

I have to say Sorry

Silly me 
 I thought that I would have time the last couple of weeks to post more pictures.
 As some of you may not know, I have another blog called Personal Development Growth and Change. My dad and I are paring up to help people become better people. 
 So... I  have Happy People are Happier which I named it that because I naturally am a happy person but interestingly, I  am not too optimistic about other people and my dad and I would say it all the time together. It is only natural my dad and I would team up to want to help people. 
 Anyway, We are having our first of Seven Seminar Sessions tomorrow on the webpage. 
See :  Personal Development Growth and Change: Click me! 

Well , I thought I would be able to post more but I have not had the time. Things will slow down however and I will be back to posting about living in Turkey.
  I apologize for not posting more pictures like I have been promising. Give me tomorrow night Turkish time, after my first Seminar Session (which is Free people!) and I will be posting again... I am looking for a way to post and organize my blogs. I am so Blog Illiterate it is not funny. And My blog needs a little pizazz... But with  me in there too... Like a Me with Jazz hands. Actually no. That is not me either. But Looking for me and with Seasons... I have this background for October but looking for Something for Thanksgiving and Then on to Christmas then back to ... Well... A Wintery me... I am sorry... Like Clothes I have to have seasonal back grounds... Especially Christmas... Well... I am signing out for now. Tomorrow I have something really sad and serious to post. I have been thinking about it a lot recently
  Loves to all. 

I would like to say

I am in partnership with my father, Dr Larry Cyril Jensen, and through the wisdom and help and partnership of my Fiance: (still not allowed to use his real name so I will say) Long Rock, are starting a new webpage and business that will  focus on helping people improve their lives and helping them with personal growth and change for the better!! 
  We are so excited about this endeavor and I hope that all of you will join us in creating our world to make it a happier, better and peaceful world! 
 Happy people truly are Happier :)

How to decide...

I have chosen gray because it fits my mood right now. 
 I came here to USA because I have been wanting to spend time with my family and while I was here I was looking for jobs. On the outside you can see pictures of me having fun with all my family. You will see me going boating a few times, seeing my close friends and hanging out with them. you will see pictures of me 4 wheeling in Wyoming and shopping in the Gateway Mall, Target, and Walmart. I love shopping even if it is just buying groceries. I gave gifts to my friends from Turkey and I love Turkey. I have family there. 
  But what you don't see are pictures of me saying good-bye to Shahira and Connor and Rebeka and pictures of me crying. You will never see a picture of me frustrated with not being able to find a job. You can not see a picture of me kicking myself for not getting a B.A. in ANYTHING just to be able to flip hamburgers (because you know, people that have a B.A. are better qualified than people with out one for flipping hamburgers at Mac D's). I am not asking for a job that I am not qualified in doing. that would be insane. I would be an idiot to try looking for a job in something I have no idea how to do. But I have been looking for a job. 
   I can stay here and gamble and risk the chance of getting a job in a couple of months. If I get a job, Snuggle can come to USA and we can marry here. 
 But, I can go to Turkey and marry Snuggle, find a new job or take the old job I had last year under the terms that I will get paid on time, the full amount the Head Master owes me and that I will not be taken advantage of. We can get married there. But we have to come to terms that I will be alone in Çorlu and Cute Bear will be in Silivri. 
  This is a hard decision for me. Either way, Bear and I will be together it is just a matter of how we will figure it out. 
Snuggle Bear and I will be together just how will we work it out? Snuggle Bear wants to come to USA because he sees how happy I am. But I am happy with him too. 
  I guess I will have to continue to ponder this. It is really hard for me. I apologize to others with greater problems than I. I know there are people with much more terrible things and I am trying to not complain about my life. I am just thinking a lot and thinking out loud. 

This is me with Snuggle... how can I not smile around him!?! I miss him Terribly