It Can Be Bad, If You Let It

About three weeks ago, I got a message from a dear friend. This friend of mine relayed a story to me about how he has to move out of his place right now and how he was homeless, and really freaking out because he didn’t know where he was going, losing his job, and was suffering panic attacks because he didn’t know what his future held. 

After talking to my husband, we decided that he was in a place in his life where that was me a few years ago, moving back to the USA from Turkey. We took pity on him and allowed him to move in with me, until he had a job, and a place to stay. We were hoping it would be very temporary. 

Well, about two days after he came to stay with me, my  new “roommate” started to slip in (in conversation) little things here and there that only my kids and I would know about. It went from there to just about everything that my kids would talk about to this “friend” of mine. I realized he was getting more and more aggressive about myself and how he felt towards me. It also made me really uncomfortable because he was getting mis information about me, and I didn’t like how he was saying things that weren’t true about me and acting like everything he was saying was cannon. Finally my. Daughter left to go back to California and, my roommate, the very person who I found a full time job that was a managerial position, that  got paid more money that his last job, that paid him more money than he ever had in his life, and that gave him benefits for the first time ever... Was treating me, the person that took him in, like I was a criminal. I couldn’t figure out why. Why would he be so angry, passive-aggressive, frustrated, etc etc with me? Come to find out he was engaging in conversations with a family member that was telling him lies about me, and he was not shy about telling me about it. The lies were also slander, and, I knew I can handle the family member, and I have to get on with the family member, but, he wasn’t an option. I was not going to go for that behavior towards me. Ever. I kicked out the so called “Friend” told that person that he was no longer considered a friend for me, but considered an aquaintanse with, and if anyone asks me my opinion of the former, I will say he was a really good friend but is now a person I can not trust and so therefore he is an aquiantanse of. (I think that is fair of me to do exactly what I did for what he did to me) 

I have been thinking about all my relationships after this happened. The reason being is that before this incident, I have been allowing people to just do what they want, say what they want, and try to just back away from those people. I did think it is healthy to live a life like that. I think it is important for you own mental well being to not allow people to talk to you and about you poorly, and still be civil to a person, but no longer have an association with that person, or people. The people you allow to be cruel or mean, speak poorly or unkindly about you or to you, will continue their aggression towards you, and sometimes, with some people, rude talk can end more violence. I know that the more badly the people are not nice you, the more you allow that behavior, and the more you allow it, when you see that it’s cruel, you are allowing that person to abuse you, and  I would go as far as to say that, when you recognize that people treating you poorly is abuse, and you allow it to happen, you are perpetuating more aggression and abuse on yourself. 

This is why I, in this case, had decided to tell this person that he is no longer welcomed into my life, my personal space, and. I told him I would be nice and civil to him, I helped him find a really great job, and that I will no longer have any trust in him whatsoever. This means that if someone asks about him, I will say we used to be friends, but I can not trust him, and until he proves his trust to me, I will remain at a distance from him. Since I have done this, it has been soul cleansing and a purging process for any other person. It gives me the empowerment to further protecting myself. I think everyone needs to do this in their life. It doesn’t mean being aggressive to others, and it doesn’t mean being rude or mean. There’s no ticket for that. However, you protecting your own emotional well being , and protecting yourself from people that are harmful and dangerous, and are encroaching into you life, you have every right to leave. Go. Stay away from those kinds of people. Treat those types of people like they are rattlesnakes, and keep them away from you and your family. 

Remember, Dear Readers, You determine your life. No one else does for you        

The Finalization of Facebook Detox (It’s a Good Thing)

About a year ago I had decided to no longer go onto Facebook. I wrote about it, and called it Facebook Detox. (Admittedly, I wrote Detox I, II, and possibly III.) At first, I thought it would be really hard for me to no longer have social media. As the days turned to weeks, then months, I can honestly say, I am not missing a thing. I still kept my Facebook messenger on my phone, but, I never had the Facebook App. Ever. I wanted to keep in contact with some of my friends who are distant from me but, have been my friends for 35+ years. They are the friends that we caught up on Facebook Posts, and, honestly, I have to say that I do not miss Facebook at all. I will never miss “selfies” (pictures people take of themselves), I know a person (whom I shall call C.) who is about 8 years older than myself. I noticed that she spent 90% of her time whilst hanging out with me, on Facebook. She constantly posted pictures of herself, and, would keep me up to date (about every 5 minutes) on how many people liked her picture she had taken of herself. In fact, she would get upset if a certain guy didn’t comment or “like” her photo. She really was in her mid 50’s. Her whole life was spent on who liked her profile, who liked where she was, her posts, her pictures. (I use this in past tense, because we are no longer friends, and I really am a better and happier person since I had severed ties with her.) I did give her credit for one thing. She never took a selfie with a shower curtain behind her. (Gag, people. Really!!) 

I have seen this age of people that care so much about how many friends they have on Facebook, and even will go so far as to make Facebook, or any other social media as a “scale” if you will, of whether or not you were friends, based on the interaction with (said social media). I didn’t end my friendship with her because of Facebook, however, her friendship was measured according to her, based on Facebook. In fact, we got into an argument, and her first thing she texted me as I was driving home, was, “I deleted your bitchie ass- We are officially no longer friends” in reference to her going onto Facebook, deleting me as her friend, and then thinking that I would be so torn up about her deleting me, I would absolutely break down and sob. I didn’t. In fact, I still think it was funny, in a pathetic way, that she would think that our Facebook friendship meant more to me than our actual friendship. 

It made me realize, however, that people are conditioned to feel acceptance, friendship, self worth, all on Facebook or any other social media. 

I tend to see Social Media as Pavlov’s Dog. The bell in this case would be the message indicator that someone like something, retweeted, reposted, etc etc whatever you posted or wrote, and the reward is looking at the phone to see who liked, commented, retweeted, reposted, shared the post you wrote... etc. 

Is it really that rewarding? 

I have found in my case, that I can and do live with out social media. When I am with my friends, I want to be with them, not posting things that we are eating together, where we are, and taking a picture of what we are doing just to make sure everyone likes or comments what I am posting. How about the old fashioned way of being around those you care about? I found it really refreshing and, even felt really proud of my mothering, when, last February I took my two sons and one daughter out for dinner to celebrate child #4’s birthday. While we were waiting for the order to arrive, not one of us were on our phones. We were in conversation, laughing, even playing a catapult game with packets of Jams and a spoon, (taking me back to my teenage years!) and really enjoying each others company. With that, We would once in a while take a picture of places the jam packets would land (one catapulted to a TV wall mount and remained there). The waiter came by as were doing this, and we apologized profusely, when he, and several of his colleagues said they loved us as customers because, for the first time, a family is not on their phones, and, we were paying attention to each other and those around us. They had said they have not seen that in years. In fact, the waiter was about the same age as child #4 or #5, and he said he had never seen that in life, and most people nowadays are just too engrossed with their phones, that, people don’t even greet him when he comes to the table to get their order. He also said that sometimes, he would have to wait about 20 minutes for the customers to be off their phones so he could run over to the table to take their orders. 

This is what it’s come down to. 

Is our society really going to not be interactive and interface with each other? In the 1950’s many people didn’t want Televisions in their homes because they felt like it was a control tactic (or tool) to get into the younger people’s brains. Some people called out that those who thought televisions were dangerous were conspiracy theorists who had too much time on their hands. Well, aren’t we now? 

I really think that Facebook was more harmful to me than I realized, and I am so glad I made the decision to cut out social media. 

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Hello, Readers! 
  After taking a long break from here, I have decided to talk about the game people have loved for so long, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. 

I am letting all of you know right now, this is a SUBJECTIVE point of view, and ONLY my Opinion. So, before you are very passionate about writing something something spiteful, Everyone has their opinion and their own style playing, and I am no different than anyone else who plays The Elder Scrolls. 

Before I begin, There are SPOILER ALERTS. So, if you want to play Oblivion, and never have, and want to do a blind play through, stop and carry on, because this will have Spoil Alerts. 

I have never played Oblivion before I played last Summer. I wanted to, because, being a Skyrim fan, I thought it would be fun to play the story before.  I have a PS3, and I really like it. (BTW it is still working and doing really well, unlike many people having problems with theirs) 

I bought the game brand new for 8 dollars, I think. It was on sale. 
In Elder Scrolls fashion, the character starts off as a prisoner, and this time, in a dungeon cell, and the player, at this point gets to choose their race: Redguard from Hammerfell, Nord from Skyrim, High Elf (Altmer) from Summerset Isles, Wood Elf (Bosmer) from Valenwood, Breton from High Rock, Khajit ( Large Cat Character, that stands on hind legs) from Elsweyr, Argonian (Lizard creature that stands on hind legs) from Black Marsh, Imperial from Cyrodiil, Dark Elf (Dunmer) from Morrowind, and Orsimer (Orc) from High Rock and Orisinium. 
The Races, again come with the various special skills and powers. When I play, I prefer to play as the particular race that is indigenous to the area (Nord in Skyrim, etc) So, I played as an Imperial. 
I played for a total of about 20 hours. (actual game time hours). I like the main story line and I am impressed with the graphics for 10 years ago. I just couldn't get into playing it. I didn't like the little spinning wheel to figure out how much a person liked me in order to persuade a person, or talk them in to something to get information. I didn't like that if my weapon was busted, I would have to either have a repair hammer handy in my inventory, go to a shop to either find a hammer or pay someone to help me repair it. I also didn't like how slowly I would level up on skills. (mainly speechcraft). I didn't want to spend the time to try to figure out the nuances of the game, although I really liked the story lines and liked the game itself. I just wasn't having that chemistry that I get when I play Skyrim. 
Mind you, Oblivion is open world, and it is great. I personally was having a hard time getting excited about playing. It is ironic, because I like watching a couple of 100% playthroughs with TES Oblivion, and I like how they are playing their characters. I just couldn't get into it. 

There are a couple of theories. I tend to somewhat agree with a couple of them. Some game players have said that in game play, Oblivion is more difficult than Skyrim. Leveling up is more difficult in some skills to level up with. 

 I think it's slightly more difficult to level up in speech craft, weapons, magic, and again, it was hard to get information out of people in order to finish or even do some quests. 
I don't care for the dungeons. I went into a couple on my own, and they were all the same looking and had the same things. I didn't like that arrows were counted against my carry weight. I get it, they are light. but, I don't think  I should have had to mark every tiny thing like that against my carry weight. (I even think quest items are weighed and counted against your carry weight, but I am not sure). 

I have noticed that the Shivering Isles D.L.C. is quite a large expansion, and is fun and interesting to play. It has a very interesting story line.    

So, I really think Elder Scrolls Oblivion is a cool game. I personally couldn't get really excited playing as I have been in The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. I do think I will give it another try this up coming summer. Maybe I will enjoy it more.