Talking about others

So, I have had a lot of things on my mind. 
  I have been thinking about words. Words we use to each other and words we say to others. 
  Words do not always intend to hurt. Sometimes they are matter of fact. 
 However, words hurt. 
  When I was younger, not a whole lot smaller, but I was in 5th grade, there were a group of boys that would follow me on the play ground during lunch. They would say really mean and hurtful things to me. I would come home and tell my mom. The things they said would really ruin my whole day. I would have a perfectly fine day, but by lunch time would come around, my day would be destroyed. Everyday I would come home and tell my mom about it. 
  I played the cello in the morning and would carry my cello with me to school an hour sometimes two hours before school started. The boys that would be really mean to me on the playground had older siblings that would go to school with my older sisters. They, too would pick on me. I would try everything I could to not walk near the bus stops and even I would go across the street to avoid walking near the bus stops. I had to be at the school at /:15 to set up  my cello and play by 7:25-7:30. We would play until 8:45. I would come home from playing the cello and beg my parents to take me to the school the next day. My parents would say things lie... Tell them I 'm sorry you feel that way... Or try ignoring them... MY parents would even tell me the all time favorite lie parents tell their daughters when a boy is bullying:"Boys do that because they have a big crush on you" bit. I did everything that my parents told me. I would say the stupid things they would tell me to say, I would ignore them when they told me to, but much to my chagrin, the boys got worse. Everyday it was worse and worse. There were about 4-5 boys. Sometimes, on the way home from school the boys would throw rocks at me. They would hit me in the back of the head, they would throw dirt at me and they would kick me. One day the boys threw burrs in my hair. I had long hair and my mom and I were allergic to the burrs and my mom had to spend about two hours getting the burrs out of my hair. When that happened, I thought,"Like me? They LİKE ME???" I really started to grow a sense of resentment towards the fact that my parents were so complacent to the situation. I felt like I was deserted by everyone. By the end of the school year, I was so happy that I had three months away from the boys.(I had to see them at church and a couple of the kids were in my Sunday School Class) Our family was going to spend the whole Summer in Alaska and I would not have to endure them for a long time. To say the least I was so excited because by the time I left 5th Grade, They had decided to include in their Vendetta against me many of the girls in my own class, In deed I was being pecked at by many kids before the Summer had begun. 
   When I came back for 6th Grade, I was the tallest in the class and even taller than my Teacher, who was actually really very tall. I was about an inch taller than her and I was 5' 9". 
  ıt only took about four days into the school year for the ids  to start up on their being mean to me again. I could not understand it. I was tired of it. The teasing got more and more worse. 
  One day, I thought... I will snap. I did. One boy whom I shall remain here nameless but I will call him Hermie Wah Wah because that is what I named him because he was not nice to me at all... Took my pencil. We were taking a test where you have to use only pencils and color in the bubble.. He took the only pencil I had right out of my hand. I was shocked. He was violating the rules. The teacher said to us that there will be no talking, do not look at anyone's papers, if you need to get up raise your hand and the teacher will come to you and you can tel her what you need. So, I raised my hand. Seeing that this was a time issue because the tests were timed, I had raised my hand for 3 minutes but it felt like 15, I told him... Give me my pencil. No, he said and was smiling. I said give it now. He smiled and said No. I said I am going to count to 5 if you do not give me my pencil you will regret taking it. One... He stuck his tıngue out at me. Two, he smiled and threw my pencil. Three he started laughing Four... He sat there and Five... POW... I socked him right in the eye as hard as I could. He went flying out of his seat. I was shocked he went flying. I honestly thought he would just sit there but he went flying. Next thing I knew it I was being dragged out into the hallway where the teacher was so upset at me. ME! Hermie stole my pencil, threw it across the room and I told him he was going to regret doing it. I warned him before I punched him and I was nice... I counted before punching him, too. I felt like I was being fair because of all the ridicule I had been through up to the point that one more thing just really pushed  me over the edge. My teacher said Why? I said I raised my hand, You did not come, I had to finish my test and He would not give it back. I counted before I punched him and I told him 4 times before to give me my pencil back. She was at a loss. I was never like that before the bullies. I really had no idea he would go flying like that but I did intend to punch him. I did not get suspended, nor did I get a write up. I did have to take the test alone and in another room but that did not bother  me the least amount. What happened? Hermie went home with a badly bruised nose, and two black eyes. What happened to everyone around me? They stopped all mean things to me. One girl was mean to me, I pulled her hair really hard and after that we became the best of friends. She is still my friend to this day. We even joke about all the things we used to do together. Those boys? They were my friends on FB... And a couple of years ago for some reason Snuggle told me to delete them from FB... But we actually became really good friend. 
 The point to this is that there is a saying, "Sticks and Stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." For some reason I never bought into that. Words hurt me and worse than most people. 
  What did I learn about those bullies? What I learned is that people are bullies to people and will say things to them and about them, but the more they speak ill or think about someone, the easier it is to continue to speak and thin badly about those around you. It is human to judge others and to be rude. It is not the right way to be though, and interesting enough, the more rude or bad you think about others, the worse you feel about yourself! It is so easy to think and speak very badly about others when they are not in the room. But what does that do to you? First of all it makes you look bad. Second of all, there is a type of person that does that and people do not trust them. Third of all they end up really having a poor self esteem because the whole reason they are speaking ill about others is to make themselves feel better but it does not work that way. The exact opposite happens. They actually start feeling like they are being thought ill about the person they are speaking ill about. Sometimes, and in most cases this can be true, If they speak the same language. However, when the person that is being spoken about is in a different country and even in a place where they do not speak that language, they do not hear nor understand all that is being said about them, they do not have to hear all the bad. So that means that they do not think badly about the person that is in fact talking bad about them. I think for the person being rude and speaking badly about the person that is not done anything... That is good redemption time. That can be a blessing. 
  It never ever is a good thing to speak bad about others because there is no good that comes out of it. 
 It makes you ... The person talking... Like you are the one with the problem
The person you are talking about can not trust you
The person you are talking about feels uncomfortable
You make it uncomfortable when you talk about others in a bad way behind thier back
It brings a negative feeling around you
It makes others think "If she or he can say that about that erson what are they saying when I am not there about me?"
 I have never tolerated this type of behavior and I found that those that do have nothing in their lives but the want of creating a soap Opera that does not exist but rather, a perpetual dramatization of  Wo is me and how bad my life is... Let's pick on someone today to make myself feel better... 
 I have also found that speaking bad about others makes it easier and easier to dislike that person. There are few people in life I really dislike. Fewer people I hate. Yes, I hate a few people in my life. But, I would not even talk ill about those people because I feel that it only causes me to look bad and I really do not want to hate anyone. I find that taking it to the next level by not just talking about someone but continually finding false with that person is such an easy out to something more sinister. I think there is a deep rooted jealousy and envy over something. Maybe is attention, maybe is something else but I really find that on a continuous basis someone that keeps looking for the bad things in someone... There is somethings more sinister plan that is going on and for that I am taking my discernment and staying away from any of those people. 
 I have also thought to post this song on my blog because it is how I feel about how people can say bad about me when they have no idea about me


    I can not get this song on here... Ugh



This is the perfect song for how I feel about people talking bad about me