Catching up on the last couple weeks.

I have been trying to avoid today, actually. It is the 30th of July. Sadly, it came. This meant that I had to have Connor and Beka go back to Arizona. I thought my heart shattered into a million pieces. In fact if you heard a crashing sound about 9:55 this morning it might have been my heart smashing. 
  Connor, Beka and I had a fun Summer together. I had not seen them for one year and 4 months. I can not tell you how hard it is to not be able to see them. We started off our fun Summer by going to my brother, and his wife's house for the Fourth of July. In Provo. I made my all famous crab cakes, and we had such a great time seeing my family. We then went to Salt Lake City because the next day (on the 5th of July) we went to Logan where Beka went to Y.W. Girls Camp with my sister (kismet: She is the Ward Girls Camp Leader) and her daughters! (Beka needed to spend more time with her cousins and go to Girls Camp! How lovely it all worked out!) My sister took Beka with her to camp and so my father and mother took my nephew, Golden, up to Star Valley Wyoming in a cabin with Connor. We were there for 4 nights. Saturday we came down and went right to North Ogden where we (now Beka Connor and myself) at my friends house that I have known for the last 17 years. All from the fact that her husband would have the biggest cow if she set a beer can (empty) on the counter, the stay was just divine. we stayed from Saturday until Thursday. Shahira came on Wednesday afternoon and so we went on Thursday at noon to my mom's house. She came on Wednesday and left on Sunday afternoon. It was lovely seeing her. We went on Sunday to Jordanelle. It was a blast. 
   Wednesday, the 20th of July Connor and Beka and myself headed up to Eden, Utah, that is an adventure in itself (something in which I  shall blog in the near future). I visited a childhood friend and made a couple of new friends while I was there! It was great seeing her and catching up and reminiscing. It was a needed visit for both of us. 
  I went directly from my childhood friend's house to my sister's house. We (Beka, Connor and me) spent about 4 days in Logan,Utah. We got back yesterday and today Connor and Beka had to get on a plane to Arizona. My idea or plan was to try to find a job here in Utah while I am here. I was hoping that Connor and Beka could have the offer to stay with me if I had a job here and I was looking forward to that. Beka packed all of her clothes thinking that she was going to move into a home with me. She was hoping she would be able to visit her dad and live with me. Connor did too. That kills me the most. It is the hardest part of my life. 
I have two places and two hearts. How do I reconcile that? 
   My love of my life and trying to find where I fit. I love my Snuggle, he is the best thing that happened to me, and I do not ever want to be away from him. 
  And then I have to have a job and home for Connor and Beka to live with me, there is no way around it. So, I had to tell them that because I have no job they must go back to Arizona. 
 I have to say how lucky I am to have the man I have in my life. I could not endure such heart ache if I had not the man I have.