So much has happened I don’t know what to say, nor where to begin. The Man I have been married to since 2013, and the one that is in all the revious blogs, had left me to be with another woman, about a year and a half ago.
I was filled with sorrow, sadness and rage. Anger. Lots of crying. I teetered between sad and anger.
I found out he had been cheating on me the ENTIRE time we were together. So, All the work of getting him here he had been with other women. I know of at least one, but there might be more.
Then, I found out he got married a few days after our divorce. To the person he had been cheating on me for three years with. (When he first came here)
There was a lot of crying, a lot of him lying and lying more. There was a lot of him blaming me, typical of a narcissist. I didn't even realize that he was lying to me, and this is typical of people who are being hurt by these sociopaths.
Now, Since I had realized that all this was happening, and I then realized that he kept stringing me along, making me feel guilty if I expressed my hurt and anger, I stepped away from the feelings I had and started analyzing me.
HOW am I going to protect myself?
WHAT would I say to my daughters or my friends, sisters, if they were in the same situation as I?
Then, I thought about how I would try to remain friends with this person. I mean we were together for 16-17 years.
This was a bad idea.
This was giving this person a lot of leverage. For normal people, this would have worked out.
But, his words were, I want to leave her, I hate her, I didn't want to marry her, I was just angry at you, she is hitting me, throwing things at me, she cheats on me, she has many boyfriends, she is on a date with many men, she has date apps on her phone, I tried to go on date apps and look for other women, I liked a picture on a date app that was her friends, and she got mad at me, I love only you, I always love you more than anything, you make me feel embarrassed about myself, you left to go to America, I didn't know I was going to go to America, You made me feel bad about myself, I love you more than anything, I want to come live with you, can I live with you, you are the only person I know in America.
When he left me, I was excited to work on me. I had played the cello in the past, and a couple years ago for my birthday, my mom bought me a cello,. I was in search for a cello teacher. I thought, Well, I have my cello, my arts, my sewing, I will work on me. I was cleaning and getting rid of a bunch of things and Although he had filed for divorce, and was leaving me, He hadn't yet, and I opened my cello case. My world was crushed. He had broke my cello, smashed it up into 5 pieces! It was all that I felt was a part of me, and he couldn't just crush me, he had to crush my very soul, take away my cello, too! I cried and cried and cried over that one, and realized at that moment, that there is no going back. He had took all that was left of e, and destroyed my wings, too.
Whilst trying to figure out my own feelings about all of this, I started feeling like I was not able to figure me out. I needed to figure out me, and how I was going to deal with all the hurt and pain, betrayal and sadness.
I tried going on a few dates. From January through April. I could not make sense of anything, and on top of which I was working from 8 pm to 6 am. I was not in a healthy head space, at least I felt like I wasn't. I needed to find me again.
I met a couple of guys that I would have gotten on with, but immediately stopped talking with them when I found out they were married! WTF is wrong with people and having to date whilst married, what idiots.
I got a new job in April, giving me better hours and a higher pay. I loved it.
In May, I decided to give my mom a couple months membership to a public pool that I have been going to since 2020. It is really nice and has an indoor pool, and some other really cool amenities, but I love going to the outdoor pool in the Summer. I was excited to get my sun time in, get into the Summer. June 2nd I was in an accident at work. I tore my rotator cuff. It was so damaged, I needed surgery!
When I was hired on for the position at the new job, I had told the Company that I was willing to relocate, and I was willing to travel 90% of the time. I was alone, and I thought, this is a new chapter, bring it on!
About a Week after I hurt my shoulder, I was in my car with my mom. We were driving in the parking lot of the pool we were going to. It was a morning I will never forget and is in my mind forever.
I was telling my mom I would much rather be a lone than be with any man. I was through with men, and wanted to be alone.
My mom suggested I go online, and I said, no. I did that with EX, no. I want real true love and I haven't found it, I am done looking. The man that wants to be with me forever is in heaven, and died in a battle in the 1500's freeing Scotland. I saw this man, Super TALL with his back facing us and getting his swimming gear ready to swim. I said, that guy looks cute, but my mom didn't pay much attention. I told my mom, walking to the building, that I was going to go out that night with a man, but the night before I found out he was married, and so I am done with dating and seeing men. The guy at the truck that was ready-ing his swim things, ran up ahead of us. I did not ever expect what happened next to happen. He opened the door for me and my mom. I looked at him and said, Thank you! My mom said, What a gentleman! He said, This is how men should be. And I said This proves to me that chivalry is not dead. He said, No it isn't, and all men should open the door, that is how my mom taught me to be.
Since that chance meet, Mr PG is what I will call him, has been at my side. Well, let me be more crystal clear. Since August 29th PG has been at my side, all sumer long we talked, I wanted to get to know him more. I was still leary. But then, One day in July I decided to tell a friend of mine what I was feeling about PG. I told her that I was manifesting to the universe that I no longer anted X in my life. I don't want how he treated me and all his lies, and I gave him my ALL and he did not love me, and I want to give PG a chance at love.
All last Summer we ended up staying hours at the pool. He got a little sn burn a couple of times, oooh what we do for love!
I will say, Thank you to the biggest fraud, and the biggest liar. I am so happy he broke my heart and he left me. Can you believe I would even say that?
If he never left me, I would have never met teh most beautiful, handsome, masculine, tallest, amazing lover of my life, and, He is my soul mate. I could not say that about my X... I have the love I deserve!
With pain, sorrow and lots of faith, there is love, light, someone that is seeking you.
Rumi said" What you are seeking- The Universe is seeking you"
Well, okay. He said it more eloquently, but, what can I say?
Love and Light...
I hope this reaches someone who was/ is in the same position I was in last year. I want to give that person hope. There is good and love out there. Keep looking, keep seeking and don't accept less!
Loves,
Dee
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