Over the years I have grown more and more cynical and less trusting. which is interesting and contrary to what people would think because I met my fiance online. I want to say that although this world is terrible and cruel, and life is not easy, God sends people to us that loves us and loves us in ways that only God can.
Am I making sense to anyone?
In my life I have seen a lot of pain and heart ache and hurt.
I have had a really hard and difficult childhood. But, I have experienced lve and I have a very good mother that even when we had nothing in the home to eat, she would get on her knees and pray and somehow someone would just so happen to be thinking of us when a knock on the door right as my mother would finish her supplication to god. me or one of my sisters would run to the door with no one there, and large amounts of food would be placed at our door step. Who brought the food and how they knew my mom would be in such dire need, I will never know.
I will say that the world has gotten, since my childhood worse and not a better place to live.
But still, I have been able to find love in times of despair, light where there seems to be endless darkness and although I will never know the answers to why in a lot of my deepest questions to God, I know that when I am alone and in need of feeling like I am not so far away from the warmth of my mothers arms, I feel a sense of peace and comfort in my darkest hours.
I have a lot to be thankful for.
I would like to list those things now
- My health: I have my sight, my body is in good health although I have arthritis and one kidney and asthma, I am in good health
- My Family: I have a loving family. I have amazing and beautiful brothers and sisters. Some of them step and most of them half, but you would never know it by the way they treat me and the way I love them. They are my family no matter what. My parents are loving and good to me and my best friends are my siblings.
- My Fiance and his family. I came here in not knowing the language and culture I had no idea about anything with my fiance. I came here wondering what will happen with my life and many days I still wonder. But my fiance is so good to me and kind to me. I mean he is the most sweetest guy ever. You Americans know what I mean when I say... The Best on this side of the Mississippi... OK... This guy is the BEST ANY side of the Mississippi... I am not just giving him lip service. I really mean it. He has this sweet spirit about him that just is amazing. He is fun to be around, he makes me laugh and smile, he tells me I sing better than Beyoncé, he loves how I dance, he is intelligent, he is very much a gentleman and yet so fun to be with. I adore him and I am grateful to him because if he were not a good man I would not be here.
- My kids. I don't talk about them as much as I should, but I do not talk about things of my deepest heart of heart because I keep those things that are the most sacred to me in my private thinking thoughts. How would I be the person I am with out my dear wonderful amazing people in my life that are my children. They call it as they see it. One child of mine actually at 7 years old knew that I was in a horrible marriage and she was the one that gave me the strength to get out of a horrible abusive relationship. While Many many of my extended family members and friends stabbed me in the back and shunned me for coming to Turkey, my children are the ones that have edified me and lifted me and have been my backbone and my support. Of course they want me in USA as much as I want ot be there, but they also know that even if I were there I would have to be able to support them before they can live with me and so they sit waiting for me patiently while I try to find my way back to USA to live with them and The Long Rock
- I have friends that have been so good to me and so kind to me and supportive of me. Some I have been family members with and we have been able to get to know better by just the internet... I have a couple of cousins (of course they are listed in family) but they are friends too. I am grateful for them.
- I am grateful for the knowledge that there is a God. I am with out a doubt not the most perky person at times: Yes, My Blog title might be contrary... But I really am not always perky and I try to have a positive view point in life. But knowing there is a God or a being higher than myself that loves me and knows that I am more than just a brain and body that I have a soul with worth and value is really the reason for my being. Knowing that there is a god with compassion helps me move forward and give love to those around me. It also helps me not focus on myself either. It helps me direct my sadness and my missing USA to people and things around me that need me at this time and helps me to continue on a path of finding myself, keeping love in my heart and becoming a better person
- I am grateful for the Freedoms I have in USA
- I am grateful for the life I had of being able to travel and see the world
- I am grateful for Mountains. Not just any mountains, But the Utah Rocky Mountains, my home that I miss so much.
- I am grateful that I miss my home because when I go back to Utah,I appreciate it more
- I am grateful that I have lived and am living in this time, in this world and the life I have
If you feel inclined, you can leave a comment of the things you are grateful for
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