Zindagi Gulzar Hai (Pakistani TV Series)

I watched this T.V. series from Pakistan, called Zindagi Gulzar Hai. In English, this means "Life Is Fruitful" or Life is Wonderful. 

Girl and Boy goes to University, Girl is studious and smart, hard working and from a mixed family (father is a cheating S.O.B. mother works super hard, father's live in girlfriend is a total brat... You know the "typical" family?) And so girl has lots of Daddy issues. (Of course). Whilst Boy grew up in a two parent home, Daddy bought him his way into college, and girl and boy meet. Years later, boy and girl happen to work at the same place, and have gotten to spend more time together. Boy asks girl to marry through a mutual family friend. 
There's a couple of things I find sort of interesting in this story that seems to be a tone in Soap Operas. There is always someone that wants to break up the happy couple, (I hate watching Soap Opera's because of this) and It seems like the girls in this TV who are trying to be strong and who are rebuked wear Westernized clothing. Why? Is there something about wearing Westernized clothing that make the girls so wrong? The Boy has a sister who appears to be nonchalant about marriage, is out with her friends all the time, wears western clothing and, she ends up divorcing her husband, because he is too controlling, too conservative. The mother of the boy is very materialistic, and worries more about keeping up appearances than she is about the wellbeing of her daughter,  (this is an Asian issue? I say this because it seems like that when a crisis happens it is, Well, what do I say to the neighbors and friends? attitude. Why can't there be no gossip, which is a very American approach... Just stay out of other people's business... You know, stop gossipping.) 
The boy and girl do end up marrying, and he gets angry at her for something, and she ends up leaving the home, and staying with her mom for a while and then he finds out she is going to have a baby, so he is all, oh please forgive me. 

What is it with these Pakistani men that get angry at their wives, automatically assume the worst of their beautiful brides, sulk around, throw men type tantrums and then realize how stupid they are and ask for forgiveness and boom! Girl goes back to him??? Pakistani women, help me figure this out. Is this for real? I know we are not supposed to use the media to sort out all this cultural stuff. But, I am not intending on going there anytime sooner and I want to know! 
 Some Turkish men are similar, whiney, lack social skills to be self sufficient, yet, rely heavily on their moms, but can be highly emotional and yet really sweet and kind and get angry super fast, I get it. But, I am asking, Pakistani women, please help me understand why you women keep allowing men to be jerk holes and then allowing the men back into your lives. Do you think you can't find anyone better? Because you can. 

It's a good thing there are happy endings in this series. But, i just wonder when I will see real life. I don't think men are this obtuse in Pakistan. I don't think women are treated like second class citizens by all men there. Am I wrong? Am I?  
I will say this Series was more endearing to me than Humsafar. I think because Boy in this is not as harsh as Ashar, and didn't go 4 years or more without talking to wife, for Pete's Sake...

Humsafar (Pakistan T.V. Time)

Hello, hello, hello, Dear Readers! I would like to talk about Humsafar tonight. I just finished watching this on U.S.A. Netflix. It is a drama that was produced in 2011. It ran from September 2011- March 2012. 
Humsafar means Companion in Urdu. 
This is a T.V. series that was produced by a female producer who owns her own Channel and the first female producer in all of Asia, to own her own channel and to have her own production company. (This is quite and accomplishment!)
I kept watching Humsafar because I kept hoping there was a happy ending. And there was. But I had a love/ hate relationship with the T.V. series throughout it all. I was frustrated in how the heroine was constantly belittled throughout the entire show, I was annoyed that her husband was a jerk hole throughout the entire show, and he didn't stand up to his mother until the very end. I was irritated that poor innocent Khadir had to endure suffering, humiliation, grief, was reproved in public,and all because her husband didn't even bother to stick up for her. That is the biggest grief I have with this. If her husband loved her so much, why wasn't he soft and kind with her from the beginning? Where was his loyalty? Why didn't he trust her from the beginning? 
I also had a problem with the lead mother, Khadir's mother in law. Khadir is married to her first cousin because on her mother's death bed, her mother and uncle decided to marry Khadir to Ashar, her mother's nephew.
Khadir and Ashar married, and Ashar had a best friend named Sarah who was extremely jealous, and wanted to marry Ashar and have him for herself. 
What I could not gather was why they painted Sarah out to be so bad? Was it her western clothing? Her obsession over Ashar? Her lack of propriety  in social and workplace settings, and often at home, when she was unable to grasp that her childhood friend was in a marriage? Why did the producers even "go there"? And why did Sarah's mother coddle her so much, making her unable to deal with the fact that Ashar had told her several times he did not love her "in that way, only as friends"...
One tends to wonder about so many things... 
The other thing that bothered me was how rude Ashar's mother was towards Khadir. She was awful the entire T.V. show. This woman was not only cruel, but, just a total bitch. Is this how Pakistani producers of a huge Television series wants to portray the Pakistani elite? As attention whores, with no sense of dignity, who hate the social lower classes, and are out to get into their son's marriages, and destroy their grand-daughters life's? I don't get that. Then at the end, the mother of Ashar ends up going mental. Why didn't they address that she was completely wacko from the beginning, and also, did the producers think about how grievous mental illnesses are? How did she have schizophrenia just after Ashar told her she lied and was the worst. mom. ever. Ashar was emotionally detached to his wife before she was accused of being with another man, and he didn't try to stop Khadir's fate... Not once did he come to her aide, yet, he was ever so concerned with Sarah and her lack of being able to move past him, why didn't he, upon marrying Khadir, stop all contact with Sarah, tell her to F off, and fire her if he had to to get his point across. Then spend more time with his wife, get to know her, and love the fact she is independent, strong, intelligent,and went with this? But, instead, they had to go with cutting Khadir to the core, stripping her of dignity, and use the fact she comes from a village and lower class than Ashar. (Which is strange because Ashar's father and Khadir's mother are brother and sister... So he had to have come from the same village and upbringing...) Which the last note tends me to think that If a man in Pakistan makes a name for himself, a woman doesn't matter? It this how men treat their women in Pakistan? I highly don't think so. Of course, I am talking about a soap opera. But, this is something in Downton Abbey in the early 1900's in England, social classes and wealth and how the poor is looked upon. Right? Well, sadly, this T.V. series comes from 2011, in Pakistan. So, can we assume that in 100 years from now they will be up to where we are as far as women are concerned? Is this really a T.V. series that addresses social issues, mental health, suicide, and how women are treated in Pakistan's society? I hope not. I think we tend to objectify the poor, the weak in ALL Societies, not just Pakistan's T.V. series, however, they do it in U.S.A. as well. It's always the "woman" that is mentally ill, the woman who does something wrong, the woman who is the bad person. And the man is considered the savior of woman, the redeemer, man is the one who can make everything alright in the end. Or can he? Does he really? 
This is a question we all, in every society must address. Whether we are man or woman, poor or rich... How do we treat each other? How do we judge those around us? Are we right in our judging? Do we feel shame when we are wrong in our assumptions with people that we don't know? 
I wouldn't watch the series again if asked. Not because I didn't think that the acting was not well, because the actors were fabulous. I would not watch it because I had the hardest time watching the people with the social upper hand condemn the lower classes. It was gritty and frustrating. Was this what the producers wanted?   
I am updating this... 
I have done a little researching and Humsafar is the T.V. version of a novel of the same name, written by Farhat Ishitag, a female author who writes novels and plays. In all actuality, I would love to read the book, as she wrote it from the perspective of Ashar, then of Khadir, written in flashback setting, as though the two are remembering what took place in the past, and their daughter Hareem, bringing them back together. Now, I don't know about you, I would have loved to see more like that.  
The written style of flashbacks don't resonate well with Eastern and Asian audiences however, and so probably it is my frustration in Ashar's immaturity and being a petty guy (maybe?) that has me so critical of Ashar. No doubt, Humsafar is a series that will continue to steal the heart of many women world wide.

Reality 101

It has been said that all the world is a stage and we are all players. 
I have also heard people say that this life is an illusion.
I chose to believe that there is something in the middle of illusion and truth and is where reality might be. At least, for me. 

  Here are the facts of my reality. 

I have not seen my husband for 934 days. But, in the scheme of things, only he and I are counting. 
I have not seen my Anneanne for 935 days, and there are people that could go about their life not thinking about her, or ever knowing her. But she is important to me. 
Another fact is that I have not seen my baba- in law, nor anne- in- law since those 934 days. 
I cried terribly when I went on the plane and left Istanbul, my magical city. 
I probably cried every day of those 934 days. And I will probably cry until I see my anneanne. Because I love her so much. 

Other facts: 
Since I have been here,(back in USA)  I have had 6 jobs. Last year I had 5. Right now I still have two. I did have three but I needed to cut back. 
I have a great job, for which I am unable to work presently because I got a head injury at work, and so I am going to lots of doctors. 
I don't know when I can return to work because I am unable to speak for over a week now. (I have a cousin that reads this::: Please text me cousin... We need to catch up) 
I have more facts. 

About 2 weeks ago, a couple days after my head injury, I paid the fees for my husband to come to U.S.A. I found out this morning that I have more fees to give the government. The only way I can see my husband now, is by him coming here. Same with his family. 

Another fact: Just the day before yesterday the U.S. Government has ordered all Americans not "Critical to the Mission" must leave Turkey, and no Americans are allowed to enter Turkey at this time. They had already ordered all U.S. Government Employee Families out of Turkey back in October- ish... Maybe September. Now, I can not go back to Turkey and see my beautiful family there. They must come here for me to see them. I wish they would come here. I hope they do. 

This is my reality right now. This is not an illusion, because, illusions quietly fade away. Like, the images you see int eh clouds, or rainbows. Those are illusions. Sometimes I wish my life's sorrows were illusions, and I could wake up and jump out of my illusion and say "HEY WORLD!!! IT WAS JUST A BAD DREAM! IT DIDN'T HAPPEN! IT WAS AN ILLUSION!" But, that can't happen. Because reality sets in, and the reality is my husband will be coming, we don't know when still. The hopeful thing is that he worte the government about 5 days ago and they responded just yesterday. So, We are praying that it will be sooner than we think, and he will be here by June. I hope that is my reality. 

My monkey #4 is moving back to Arizona. I am saddened about that. Especially since I really wanted to have a companion with me at the neurologist's visits and when I get tested in the M.R.I. Hopefully my dearest long time friend who never betrayed me, never been a jerk to me and whom I can trust will come with me. We have been thick as thieves forever, and that will never change. 

Still, reality is that most people here in U.S.A. and have never been outside of the U.S.A. will never see life the way it really is. They will get a beautiful picture of what they think they know, and that is fine. But, as for me, my life will ever be changed. And, now, a new journey... I think India is calling my name. My husband and I will see. (and We will take monkey 5 with us) 

Announcing

Welcome Half Box J to the world of Blogging!!! 

ı am so excited that The Long Rock is joining the blogging world. Somethings he will write will be in Turkish and somethings in English. I am happy! We have the world of Blogging together now. 

I am excited.

Men and Women are different

We have different emotions, different needs and think completely different. 

  I understand this as a Truth. It is not good nor bad. Just a Fact. 

 I am completely sorry for irritating my Long Rock nd making him so annoyed that he wants to hit his head against the wall. 

  And I also accept his apology too, even when he does not think he is wrong. 

 Like I said. We are different. There is nothing wrong in what he thinks and there is nothing wrong with how I think. 

 It is like He describing the leg of an elephant when I am describing the ear of one. It is the exact same elephant, just a different part of that elephant. 

  I love the Long Rock. Even when we are annoyed at the description of our same elephant.

Look at this adorable wonderful man. I love him with all my heart. He is so good to me. I just got annoyed with him but looked at this picture and fall in love with him every time I see his face. I am lucky I have him. His smile is just melting me Ok. I am calling him right now

I am sassy, and funny

Recent conversation with me, and I tried to get Long Rock to Participate.

 Me (with a slice of green apple in my mouth and part way out, looking at Long Rock): Kiss my Apple

Long Rock: (looking at me and has this expression, so sweet, and smiles): hehe

Me: (laughing out loud and in between laughs) Hahaha- that sounded so bad... Did you hear? It did not sound like Apple... It sounded like A---- HAHAHA That is soooo funny... Kiss my Apple! Hahahaha

Long Rock: (smiling and watching me) Are you sure you said Kiss that? Besides, I can not be sticky, Jensen. And, You are a lady, you are a sweet girl you don't say bad things

Me: (with another piece of apple half way in and half way out of my mouth) Kiss my apple. HAHAHAHA

Ok... Maybe it is just me... But It was funny and not. He is so cute. He just lets me laugh at myself and he smiled and said "Let's watch Harry Potter"

Now, that's my kind of man! 

He also took care of me. I  have been very sick lately and he watched and did everything I wanted because he said he just wants me better.

MY cute Sweetheart

So, I have not written a while about specifically my fiancee.

  I have to say, I love that guy ... A LOT.

 He always  makes me smile and laugh and he is really so sooooo sweet. Lately I have noticed that women have criticized the "nice guy". I have to say... What is wrong the the truly nice guy? I love it and find it refreshing for once.

 I would not want it any other way.

Long Rock and I do not argue like we have in the past. I love it much better. We have been getting along more and more.
We resolve our differences quick and refreshing and even end up laughing about it. 

 I love spending time with him and would like to send more time with him. I really hope that we will be spending more time together. It is really hard with him working and living in another city.

   I have heard it said that people should not trust other people on the internet, but if anyone met my fiancee face to face, they will see his heart. He really has a heart of gold and I am not just saying that because I love him. He is really a sweet guy.

  My fiancee works so hard and never ever talks to other women, he really is loyal to me and does not look at other women. He also does not use the internet for bad things.

 He is looking at Soccer Scores, News, Music, Movies that are not bad ones, He reads Basketball and knows more players in the USA than I do. He also looks at eBay a lot. This guy has a heart of gold.
We do not get to see each other everyday like other couples. This is hard for many people and his job pulls us physically away from each other as he lives in Silivri and I live with his family in Çorlu. 
 Normally, couples do not have this type of obstacle in their relationship. 
  But, if people knew my fiancee and how loving he is, how caring he is and how good he is to me, they would understand why I am able to wait for him and why I want to be with him. 
 I can not imgaine my life with out him, yet I am safe to say, I have added joy and love in his life in a way that he would say he is lucky too. For this I think we are both good for each other and we are both so lucky, ad blessed to have someone that we love, we want to be with, we want to spend our life with. In the world that we live in today, when so many people are trying to divorce, they are unhappy, and they feel stuck in a relationship, we are able to find love and we enjoy each other, that is a lot, isn't it?

   I wish my family would get to know him because I know if they did they would find him so loveable and I know they would like to do things with him. He loves his mom and loves his family and I have never heard him say anything bad about anyone. Ever. He wants to get to know my family better and speaks highly of everyone of my family members. Although he has never met them face to face yet, he really loves my mom and is always looking at things online he would like to buy my mom and family members. He hugs me a lot. When I am homesick and feel really sad because I miss my family, he will hug  me when he is home. He is so good to me. He is fun and funny and has this amazing heart.

 Some people are beautiful inside out and that is my fiancee. Seriously one amazing guy.

 I really hope that my family will get to know him better one day.

Whenever we go places, he always invites his family members. Always. We were able to get tickets to go to this Aquarium for about 70% off and he made sure he bought one extra for his mom. I like that because I know if we were in USA and I want to bring my mom anywhere he would support that and invite my mom. I love that about him because he loves his family as much as I love mine. That was always a quality I wanted in a man... Who loves family. And I have the man I want! Lucky me!

I am a Brat Sometimes

I don't know why Long Rock has put up with me for so long or as long as he has... But I thank God, literally I do... Everyday that he has put up with me for one more day. 
The following is an example of our conversations we have when  I am in a bad mood and fighting with him... The conversation is not exact... But this is how it went last night

Me: I am still really annoyed at you, as a matter of fact I am more angry at you than I was before you left for Silivri. 
Him: Well, At least you're not yelling at me (He calls it screaming but I never Screamed... Yell, raised my voice but screaming requires me to lose my voice NEVER have I screamed at him and it annoys me he calls it screaming) If you are going to be angry at me that is fine, just don't scream at me. 
Me: Now I am more annoyed with you because I don't scream. Raise my voice yes. I don't scream. But that is not Why I am annoyed with you anyway. 
Him: I know why you are angry. You think no one thinks you know anything. And that makes you so angry. 
Me: You have no idea why I am angry. You keep trying to teach me by saying things to me like I am an old person killer to guilt me into learning what you want me to learn...
Hiim Phone... brb
Me... Fine, click
(we were on the phone)
He called me back: 
Him: What do you want to tell me? All I am saying is If you are going to be angry, don't let your face show it. It is really bad in Turkey
 Me:Nothing. I think you Think you know what makes me upset and annoyed and then you don't listen to me and When you are trying to teach me something you do it by a kick in the stomach and then tell me don't let your face show it. 
Him Who kicked you in the stomach
Me No one. That was a metaphor. 
Him: No that wasn't
Me: Yes it was. You were trying to tell me how I am not supposed to use any facial expressions. I hate that. No expressions whatsoever here. It is annoying. I am telling you that it is like hitting someone in the head, then telling them don't let your face show you are in pain... After being hit in the head
Him: Who hit you in the head? 
ME: It is a metaphor, Long Rock
Him: It is not a Metaphor. No one hit you in the Head. 
Me: I will hit you in the head if you don't like my metaphor. 
Him:  Let me tell you something
Me: Ok
Him: You are a very rare and precious metal. You are so precious, and I have to take care of you. You are the type of metal that when mixed with other metals that are precious. You are even better and I have to take care of you like a precious metal. But if you are mixed with something bad, you are really horrible until I mix you with something happy and good again. 
Me: That wasn't a metaphor, and I don't like it
Him: It's OK. It was a real metaphor though.
When we hung up I thought... I love that guy. But I was too stubborn to tell him that.

It annoyed me more that he did not get my metaphor nor counted my metaphor as one... Sigh... 
 At least we still love each other... Even though his metaphor melts me and my metaphor hit him in the head.




 

The Long Rock's Birthday Gift:

So, a while ago it was Long Rock's Birthday. 
  I decided to give him a gift of... Yes... I made him a Movie with Windows Movie Maker. It took hours and days and really about 3-4 weeks of planning. So I did it right before and after we got back from Bodrum. 
 Here is what I made: 

How to decide...

I have chosen gray because it fits my mood right now. 
 I came here to USA because I have been wanting to spend time with my family and while I was here I was looking for jobs. On the outside you can see pictures of me having fun with all my family. You will see me going boating a few times, seeing my close friends and hanging out with them. you will see pictures of me 4 wheeling in Wyoming and shopping in the Gateway Mall, Target, and Walmart. I love shopping even if it is just buying groceries. I gave gifts to my friends from Turkey and I love Turkey. I have family there. 
  But what you don't see are pictures of me saying good-bye to Shahira and Connor and Rebeka and pictures of me crying. You will never see a picture of me frustrated with not being able to find a job. You can not see a picture of me kicking myself for not getting a B.A. in ANYTHING just to be able to flip hamburgers (because you know, people that have a B.A. are better qualified than people with out one for flipping hamburgers at Mac D's). I am not asking for a job that I am not qualified in doing. that would be insane. I would be an idiot to try looking for a job in something I have no idea how to do. But I have been looking for a job. 
   I can stay here and gamble and risk the chance of getting a job in a couple of months. If I get a job, Snuggle can come to USA and we can marry here. 
 But, I can go to Turkey and marry Snuggle, find a new job or take the old job I had last year under the terms that I will get paid on time, the full amount the Head Master owes me and that I will not be taken advantage of. We can get married there. But we have to come to terms that I will be alone in Çorlu and Cute Bear will be in Silivri. 
  This is a hard decision for me. Either way, Bear and I will be together it is just a matter of how we will figure it out. 
Snuggle Bear and I will be together just how will we work it out? Snuggle Bear wants to come to USA because he sees how happy I am. But I am happy with him too. 
  I guess I will have to continue to ponder this. It is really hard for me. I apologize to others with greater problems than I. I know there are people with much more terrible things and I am trying to not complain about my life. I am just thinking a lot and thinking out loud. 

This is me with Snuggle... how can I not smile around him!?! I miss him Terribly

My journey

Have you ever thought "I want to be larger than myself" but yet did not know what that meant but just something inside of you wanted to burst with this feeling that your life and your very existence is larger than life?
  Have you also had the feeling at the same time that although you are unique and wonderful and so fabulous but still this world is so big and large and you are one small voice and sometimes just well, insignificant?
 Have you ever had those feelings simultaneously?
Have you ever felt that only you felt those things? 
 Sometimes I feel like I am about to awe myself. I sometimes feel so small and so simple that no one would notice if I existed but then I feel like there is something bigger for me. I do not care about fame, let's face it, I am not 5 anymore getting into my mom's cool clothes and pretending to be an actress::: I never did that anyway. 
  I was always when I pretended, a farmer, a cook, or a beach bum. 
  Right now I am not any of those things, and that is ok too!
When I came here I never thought I would stay this year. At times I think Zippy wanted to ship me home in a box with "Do not return!!! " on the box. 
   I used to think I have loved and lost, and that was enough for me. 
I used to think of the saying over and and over "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". 
 This never settled with me. I am sorry, for all the romantic die hard(s) and my dad is the one that said it to me, I just can not buy it. I know there are many that can disagree with me. 
  I just think of the time I have been hurt or the many times I have hurt. 
  And I have looked all my life for someone. 
 I always wanted a man that was handsome. 
 For the longest time I thought: Love grows and looks is like love.
  OK... girlfriends out there that say that, you know you are bull- pooping! Guys that hear this from a girl.. Never ever believe it. 
  I know now: I am honest with myself and for me: I have to have mutual attraction within the first 5 minutes of meeting. If I do not have that and he does not either: MOVE ON!!! 
  It worked for me
The second thing: 
  I wanted someone genuine
 I really hate lying and the games that go along with it. I wanted someone that came out and told me the truth... Cold raw unadulterated truth. 
  I am  kind of a Love La-La type girl. I am happy a lot and surround myself with happy people. I need to get pulled off Jupiter from time to time and hear the truth.
 Another thing: 
I love black hair and brown eys and olive skin. 
OK... Even just the eyes :)
I always thought about someones heart too::: pure hearted. I need someone with a pure heart. Someone that is just as sweet as me


Also, Someone that loves me and spoils me but not all the time, just sometimes. 

  I have looked all my life. I have been through the dusty path of heart aches and pain and sorrow. 
  At the lowest in my life, Snuggle was there. First in the internet, however, with the last year, this man has captured me, captivated me heart and he has won my key. 
There were parts of my heart that I never knew existed. There are part of my heart that were literally dead before I met Snuggle. 
When I came here I was really close to a brother. Being here I have felt like I have been pushed away from his life. And I will always try to gain his closeness again and I hope that one day he will see that I have not really left him mentally. and I am ALWAYS there for him. But there have been over the last year times where I have missed my family so deeply that I have just cried and he will have me sit on his lap and rock me and play with my hair and he has always told me of how all my family will be so happy when I return to visit. 
  He wants so much for us to be able to go to USA so that I can show him my life, my family my way, my culture and this way we can understand each other. He loves me so deep. 
 He is handsome
 He has the mot sweet heart of anyone I now. His heart is really gold. 
 He is tender too. Snuggle is what I have nicknamed him. He is warm and affectionate. I really do not believe that meeting him is an accident. 
Finding love for me for right now is bigger than myself
 Finding my love and my best friend, my dance partner, my play mate and my soul mate is something that many of my friends my age will never have. He is intelligent which I need. He keeps my mind moving and we can talk about everything and anything and nothing all at once
  Many people think what the heck, Dena, this is just a phase. This is not a fleeting moment for me. This meeting Snuggle Bunny and being here is not an accident it is something bigger that I can not explain. He is so good to me and I hope through my blogs and in my life all that knows me will see I have found the most highest virtue of a man. How grateful I am that he loves me and I really Thank My Heavenly Father for him and his sweet family. 
  They have accepted me and loved me and protect me and have me in their home. Snuggle's brother (Buggle, since it rhymes in real life it has to rhyme in a blog) is protective of me. His fahter is good and kind to me and his grandma is too. His mother is just like my mom and when I am upset with him his mom can see it in my face. She will ask Snuggle... What happened? Snuggle will say... She is upset with me, his mother will not answer, Oh my son, his mother will say::: What did you say to her? Go make things right, watch a happy film and make her happy.
   How could I say no to that??? I am really grateful to have a family that accepted me in such a world that people do not bother with other people. 
  I feel like a princess with him and just... I am so grateful I have found my true love. I will continue this journey I have with this life I have with my true love. 
 I hope you too will one day see how amazing of a journey I have with Snuggle. 

A little Short

Just the other day I went to Silivri to visit The Snuggle Bear. This is the video I made from that day.

Yes... I wish we took our dog with us.