From Heartache and Pain to Light and Love.

So much has happened I don’t know what to say, nor where to begin.

  The Man I have been married to since 2013, and the one that is in all the revious blogs, had left me to be with another woman, about a year and a half ago.

I was filled with sorrow, sadness and rage. Anger. Lots of crying.  I teetered between sad and anger. 

I found out he had been cheating on me the ENTIRE time we were together. So, All the work of getting him here he had been with other women. I know of at least one, but there might be more. 

Then, I found out he got married a few days after our divorce. To the person he had been cheating on me for three years with. (When he first came here)

There was a lot of crying, a lot of him lying and lying more. There was a lot of him blaming me, typical of a narcissist. I didn't even realize that he was lying to me, and this is typical of people who are being hurt by these sociopaths. 

Now, Since I had realized that all this was happening, and I then realized that he kept stringing me along, making me feel guilty if I expressed my hurt and anger, I stepped away from the feelings I had and started analyzing me. 

HOW am I going to protect myself?

WHAT would I say to my daughters or my friends, sisters, if they were in the same situation as I?

Then, I thought about how I would try to remain friends with this person. I mean we were together for 16-17 years. 

This was a bad idea. 

This was giving this person a lot of leverage. For normal people, this would have worked out. 

But, his words were, I want to leave her, I hate her, I didn't want to marry her, I was just angry at you, she is hitting me, throwing things at me, she cheats on me, she has many boyfriends, she is on a date with many men, she has date apps on her phone, I tried to go on date apps and look for other women, I liked a picture on a date app that was her friends, and she got mad at me, I love only you, I always love you more than anything, you make me feel embarrassed about myself, you left to go to America, I didn't know I was going to go to America, You made me feel bad about myself, I love you more than anything, I want to come live with you, can I live with you, you are the only person I know in America. 

 

When he left me, I was excited to work on me. I had played the cello in the past, and a couple years ago for my birthday, my mom bought me a cello,. I was in search for a cello teacher. I thought, Well, I have my cello, my arts, my sewing, I will work on me. I was cleaning and getting rid of a bunch of things and Although he had filed for divorce, and was leaving me, He hadn't yet, and I opened my cello case. My world was crushed. He had broke my cello, smashed it up into 5 pieces! It was all that I felt was a part of me, and he couldn't just crush me, he had to crush my very soul, take away my cello, too! I cried and cried and cried over that one, and realized at that moment, that there is no going back. He had took all that was left of e, and destroyed my wings, too. 

 

Whilst trying to figure out my own feelings about all of this, I started feeling like I was not able to figure me out. I needed to figure out me, and how I was going to deal with all the hurt and pain, betrayal and sadness. 

I tried going on a few dates. From January through April. I could not make sense of anything, and on top of which I was working from 8 pm to 6 am. I was not in a healthy head space, at least I felt like I wasn't. I needed to find me again. 

 

I met a couple of guys that I would have gotten on with, but immediately stopped talking with them when I found out they were married! WTF is wrong with people and having to date whilst married, what idiots. 

 

I got a new job in April, giving me better hours and a higher pay. I loved it. 

In May, I decided to give my mom a couple months membership to a public pool that I have been going to since 2020. It is really nice and has an indoor pool, and some other really cool amenities, but I love going to the outdoor pool in the Summer. I was excited to get my sun time in, get into the Summer. June 2nd I was in an accident at work. I tore my rotator cuff. It was so damaged, I needed surgery! 

When I was hired on for the position at the new job, I had told the Company that I was willing to relocate, and I was willing to travel 90% of the time. I was alone, and I thought, this is a new chapter, bring it on! 

   About a Week after I hurt my shoulder, I was in my car with my mom. We were  driving in the parking lot of the pool we were going to. It was a morning I will never forget and is in my mind forever. 

I was telling my mom I would much rather be a lone than be with any man. I was through with men, and wanted to be alone. 

My mom suggested I go online, and I said, no. I did that with EX, no. I want real true love and I haven't found it, I am done looking. The man that wants to be with me forever is in heaven, and died in a battle in the 1500's freeing Scotland. I saw this man, Super TALL with his back facing us and getting his swimming gear ready to swim. I said, that guy looks cute, but my mom didn't pay much attention. I told my mom, walking to the building, that I was going to go out that night with a man, but the night before I found out he was married, and so I am done with dating and seeing men. The guy at the truck that was ready-ing his swim things, ran up ahead of us. I did not ever expect what happened next to happen. He opened the door for me and my mom. I looked at him and said, Thank you! My mom said, What a gentleman! He said, This is how men should be. And I said This proves to me that chivalry is not dead. He said, No it isn't, and all men should open the door, that is how my mom taught me to be. 

Since that chance meet, Mr PG is what I will call him, has been at my side. Well, let me be more crystal clear. Since August 29th  PG has been at my side, all sumer long we talked, I wanted to get to know him more. I was still leary. But then, One day in July I decided to tell a friend of mine what I was feeling about PG. I told her that I was manifesting to the universe that I no longer anted X in my life. I don't want how he treated me and all his lies, and I gave him my ALL and he did not love me, and I want to give PG a chance at love. 

All last Summer we ended up staying hours at the pool. He got a little sn burn a couple of times, oooh what we do for love! 

I will say, Thank you to the biggest fraud, and the biggest liar. I am so happy he broke my heart and he left me. Can you believe I would even say that? 

If he never left me, I would have never met teh most beautiful, handsome, masculine, tallest, amazing lover of my life, and, He is my soul mate. I could not say that about my X... I have the love I deserve! 

With pain, sorrow and lots of faith, there is love, light, someone that is seeking you. 

Rumi said" What you are seeking- The Universe is seeking you"

Well, okay. He said it more eloquently, but, what can I say? 

Love and Light... 

I hope this reaches someone who was/ is in the same position I was in last year. I want to give that person hope. There is good and love out there. Keep looking, keep seeking and don't accept less! 

Loves, 

Dee

 

I've Noticed A Couple Things

First of all, I would like to start out by saying that I had a head injury about two months ago. I currentlly have P.C.S. (Post Concussive Syndrome). For those of you who don't know what P.C.S. is, within a few days or couple months after a head trauma, (concussion, for example) some people display either synptoms that were there at the time the concussion occured, or their symptoms start surfacing. This is not a common issue, and of people that have reported a concussion, 15% get P.C.S. what is more rare, of those 15%, very few percentage get what I have. Speech impediment. (approx. 1%) 

  I started about 3 days after my head injury, and it has continued the same, with no change, sometimes my pain is worse than other days. I do not take any pain killer for my pain, because I don't want to become dependant on pain killers. I do take a Tylenol from time to time. 

One of my frustrations with this syndrome I  have is my speech. It is my mountain to climb presently. I get impatient with myself or the situation I am in because I can not express myself like I could before this. I also get more confused, irritated when I am confused, am more reclusive because of my speech, etc etc etc. 

  One thing I have noticed are the reactions I get from human adults with relation to my speech impediment. 

I am actually shocked, to be honest with you, as I thought that our society, with how we have so many "Awarenesses" out there, that people would be less ignorant for a lack of better words. 

Adults are strange this way. They feel like they always have something important to say, when they don't and they feel ike they have to have a quick come back for anything. 

People who are ignorant and self taught, are the people who have never known me. They don't know that I am pretty intelligent, have travelled the world, lived in 6-7 countries, have been on 4 continents, lived on 2 Islands, and speak more than 3 languages, and have a degree in Real Estate Law, and Contractual Reading. Oh well. I have digressed. 

   I was at a University going to a class last month when I apporached the door. A volunteer for the campus greeted me. I answered her. The morning was cold and I was warm, however, the woman who was significantly my senoir, upon answering her, laughed and said, "Sounds to me like someone is cold." I did not look at her, nor did I answer her. I would have, and I would have engaged her in a conversaion about speech impediments and manners, but why? What's the point? The point would have probably helped a child or teenager who she might cross a path with and helped her refrain from being a jerk? Or would she? Either way, I had no time to respond. However, since then I have. 

The second type of human adult, who is a bit worse than the aforementioned adult, would be the person or (individuals) whom I have known most of my life, or at least for the past 6 years or more. 

These human adults are worse because they know me and know that I had in the past, a speech impediment, but since my accident, I have a worse or more profound one. In the past when I stuttered as a girl, I checked out a text book from the Library, that taught speech therapists how to give children with impedes therapy helping them with speech. I read them when I was in 5th-6th Grade, and I know what the techiniques are to helping them speak. 

So, knowing that I have have had a slight stutter, something I have been with, because in emotional situations for they they come back, why would someone act as though they are "Calling you out" as though I am pretending that I am faking this issue of mine. Why would I go through such great lengths (even as far as getting an appointment with a neurologist of this magnitude, when there are only 4 in the U.S.A. that specializes in my condition?) Why would I do that? 

Those people are odd to me. They also must have their own garbage they are sortinig out, and find need to gossip about me? 

The third kind of person is the Jerks. 

They have not known me long, but knew me before the accident, and have had a repore with me. They want to come around me as one person put it "Just to laugh at my speech impediment," and ask me to "say something, like..." Just to laugh at me. I have another word for those kind of persons or people, who are not a lot, but as I am above thoem, I shall not say the word (Also because I don't want teenagers eyes to see the word) 

   I will say this. I have noticed another type of person in this. My family (husband), my true friends and kind strangers have been good. They have shown me kindness, patience, and sympathy towards my speech impede. 

Well, this is an observation, and something I wanted dto openly share.    

Be kind, readers! 

I have to say Sorry

Silly me 
 I thought that I would have time the last couple of weeks to post more pictures.
 As some of you may not know, I have another blog called Personal Development Growth and Change. My dad and I are paring up to help people become better people. 
 So... I  have Happy People are Happier which I named it that because I naturally am a happy person but interestingly, I  am not too optimistic about other people and my dad and I would say it all the time together. It is only natural my dad and I would team up to want to help people. 
 Anyway, We are having our first of Seven Seminar Sessions tomorrow on the webpage. 
See :  Personal Development Growth and Change: Click me! 

Well , I thought I would be able to post more but I have not had the time. Things will slow down however and I will be back to posting about living in Turkey.
  I apologize for not posting more pictures like I have been promising. Give me tomorrow night Turkish time, after my first Seminar Session (which is Free people!) and I will be posting again... I am looking for a way to post and organize my blogs. I am so Blog Illiterate it is not funny. And My blog needs a little pizazz... But with  me in there too... Like a Me with Jazz hands. Actually no. That is not me either. But Looking for me and with Seasons... I have this background for October but looking for Something for Thanksgiving and Then on to Christmas then back to ... Well... A Wintery me... I am sorry... Like Clothes I have to have seasonal back grounds... Especially Christmas... Well... I am signing out for now. Tomorrow I have something really sad and serious to post. I have been thinking about it a lot recently
  Loves to all. 

I would like to say

I am in partnership with my father, Dr Larry Cyril Jensen, and through the wisdom and help and partnership of my Fiance: (still not allowed to use his real name so I will say) Long Rock, are starting a new webpage and business that will  focus on helping people improve their lives and helping them with personal growth and change for the better!! 
  We are so excited about this endeavor and I hope that all of you will join us in creating our world to make it a happier, better and peaceful world! 
 Happy people truly are Happier :)