A Touchy Subject

I was on Facebook the other day and I rarely hear from some of my friends with the new Facebook page, (which I really hate, another blog idea) And I thought I would check in on a friend from High School who is really a great person. 
 Well, she wrote something about how it is criminalization to try to change someone, or change their nature, (which I would call brain washing) If the people that were brain washing knew what they were doing, but since the brain washers do not know what they are doing, we just need to move on and learn to forgive them, and then say NO MORE and then she added... Forgive me God for allowing me to hand my head over to someone like that again... 
  It  got me to think. 
 So I wrote her that some people don't realize they are being abused or brain washed. Some never wake up from that and sometimes feel like they can not get out. 
  I wrote on her wall about how I have known a girl that was being manipulated into a relationship and she never really felt like she could out. As much as her family tried, she never was able to get out because I think she felt like her life at that point was out of her hands.
  She would come to my home and there were bruises on her face, her back, her arms. I would take pictures and then I would call police. They would come to my home and they would look at the pictures and ask her questions and a few times they would even catch him. A couple of times he got away. The last time he beat her badly and I finally said to her that she has to not be there for him. She asked me to help her and I said I would if she promised me that she would not ever let him in her home, and she would seek professional help in assistance so that if he ever came around she would call the police and get rid of the loser. 
  She did promise me. We were doing really good with it, and he got out of jail. She did not tell me he was out, but I stopped seeing her. I was going to work one day and stopped by my mail box and happened to see him at hers. He started running after me because he wanted to talk to me but because I did not believe a word he said I did not trust that he was wanting to just talk.
  I saw her alone after that and asked her how she was doing. She said she was fine and had not seen the guy in a couple of months and told me she was getting help. But, a day after that I saw her again, but this time with the loser. 
 I was more annoyed at that point that she lied to me and I could tell she knew as soon as she saw me I was disappointed. I was not showing her but she knew she lied to me and yet she went the path she chose, lying and covering up for a really bad guy and staying in a really bad situation.
 I ended up having to tell her that I would no longer support her with this guy and that if she was going to chose him I had no choice but to not have anymore contact with her because I am putting myself in danger and I can not watch a friend of mine get abused and allow it to happen.
  Well, my friend on Facebook said that there is no doubt in her mind that a person being perpetually abused is responsible in some way for allowing someone to abuse them. 
I thought about that comment for a week now, and decided to answer her. 
 I disagree with her. 
 I think yes, in this case, the  woman was allowing her boyfriend for reasons I can not put my head around, to abuse her especially after she had been aware that he is abusive and she lied for him to cover u pthe fact that he was still living with her although she had said that she wanted nothing more to do with him. 
  There is a lot of abuse in many countries, not just America and domestic cases are the most common. They are also the least reported. 
 I also have seen an increase in Domestic Violence, is it an increase or just more people are becoming more vocal about it?
 Another thing: Children can be placed in a situation where they are being abused and I do not feel like they are responsible for their own victimization. How can they be?
Abuse is in many shapes and forms and I feel like that many people all over the world are more often abused, more so than in USA. Those cases are not as reported and Domestic Violence is a lot lower in other countries because Abuse in those countries, although the government says is not acceptable, it is either not reported or the perpetrator is not caught. So, we can not compare other countries to America.
 Upon saying that though, I will also like to say that just because someone is being abused it does not mean that they always recognize it nor do they feel like they have a way out. Especially in the case of children. Some children that are teens chose to stay at home to protect siblings. Something I failed to mention to my friends FB wall. 
 I also believe that more people are not vocal about abuse, because it is humiliating. I feel that we should not put a generalized nor judgmental statement like that on people who has been victimized by abuse. I, while saying that, I would like to say that when someone knows and understands that they are being abused and are in an abusive relationship like my friend, they need to get out. There is not one good reason to stay. I know a couple of women that would have stayed because they have children in the marriage or relationship and that is more reason to leave. There is never love in abuse. Ever.
  I have another friend that lived in Arizona. She was married to a jerk and we all thought that he was one, but she was always upbeat and kind. We had no idea that she was being abused. Well, I saw her at a Night Club with mutual friends. We talked a long while and she and I had known each other because she worked at a big Department Store in a Mall I used to frequent to buy make up. She would give me great stuff for shopping there and she was just a great fun person.
 She had told me her divorce was final and so we with our friends had a round of drinks. Well, three days later I found out she went home that night and the next morning her Ex-Husband came by. He was supposed to come and get their two year old son for a few days. He did not. he came in the house and shot her in the head. She died before she even made it to the hospital. My friends and I were talking about it. We were all women and I had been in an abusive relationship myself, and a couple of others had been also. Were there silent signs? I could not think of any. Of course I knew her first from her line of work and started hanging out with her only a few months before then. I never met her husband, maybe once but for a brief moment and I do not think I would be able to pick him out in a crowd. I never thought that that would have happened to her. It was really devastating.
 I spoke with the Sheriff Department about Domestic Violence, and found that in USA among Hispanics and Blacks it is more common. Now, in Arizona the reason for Domestic Violence is stifling. It is near frustrating for the Authorities. This is why. Because there is a 50% - 50% law in Arizona and New Mexico, these two states have the highest per capita of Domestic Violence. What that means 50-50 is that when there is a break up or dissolving of a relationship: A Domestic Relationship meaning two consensual adults living together as married couple or two people married living together, the property in which they own together is shared 50% to each person. Now, what is fair is fair, however this is where the law is actually hurting people. That means that when my friend, fearing for her life, thought that she would be free of her ex-husband and thought she would be safe really was not. She was not safe because she could not have bought changed locks for her doors with out either first consenting her ex-husband or giving him a key. This also means that he broke no law in entering her home. The only law he broke was shooting her n the head which most likely he tried in every way possible to get out of that case against him too. (I did not follow up on what happened to him... I hope that he is rotting in prison now though)
This means that say for example, you reader, got a divorce with your horrible husband that beat you all the time and you wanted him away from you. If you own a home with him, and your divorce is final, that home is his home just as much as it is yours. Whatever happens to the home will be both of your responsibility. So, if he just walks right in to your home, he can! He is not asked to leave the home until you can prove that he is doing bodily harm to you or abusing you and believe me it is difficult to prove that in Arizona in that situation. So, you can see where tempers rise and there are two poele not wanting to stay married but because of lack of money or for what ever reason unknown or known, if that person does not want to leave the home he or she does not have to and are in the rights of the law!
 This has been cause for many many domestic violence cases to happen. 
The Sheriff Department in the City that I lived in  in Arizona said that they see more Domestic Violence after the divorce or during the separation period than they see while the people are fighting during the marriage. I now sound like I am rambling and I hope I don't... I just wanted to say that I feel that people should not take lightly nor talk lightly about this subject.
 I think that we should not judge others based on what little we know about a person.
I hope that any of you that are reading this and are being abused, I hope you find the help you need and find the strength and courage to get out and run fast, get away from the one that is abusing you.