Happy Christmas, World

I haven't said much about this topic lately, but, I think I will now. 
I haven't been shy in telling people that I have a birth father. He was not a part of my life, I mean, he was to a small degree, and I always wanted a relationship with him. 
Growing up was hard without my dad. I mean, I did have father figures in my life, but I always wanted a dad. My own dad married my mom when I was 10, and they had 3 more children together. My dad was kind to me, and he has become more and more cynical the older he has been getting. It's been hard. I never knew why my daddy (my birth father) wasn't around me. It was really painful. 

About three year ago when I went off Facebook (or was that two years ago) I started writing texts to my brother my birth father's son, so my brother. Just back and forth, hey, how's it going... That kind of stuff. Thanksgiving of 2017 my daddy called me! I knew immediately it was him! I was so happy! we talked for an hour and we started from that time on, to talking, texting, etc. I have been loving it. I have never spent a holiday with him. It's been a year and a month that we have been talking on a regular basis. about three weeks ago I was invited to go to my daddy's house to spend the Holiday season with him, his wife, my brother and sister! I will be going to his home tomorrow, and I will be returning in a week! I am really super excited about it. I have decided to let go the asking why I have not been able to see him for years, and I have not asked him why my childhood was spent without him. Will those answers really settle with me? I don't think that they will. But, there here and now, and not living in the past, being able to connect with him and learn about his life and family and culture, will help me find out who I am. Not knowing him is like not knowing who I am. I am really blessed that I am able to have this opportunity. My daddy and I can have a relationship now. We can do catch up and I can learn more about my Czech side of my family. I am really excited. REALLY excited. I feel that winter time is a time of rebirth, renewal, and I feel that this is the perfect time for renewing my relationship with my daddy. It is a beautiful thing. I know that it takes a lot of growth to forgive and let go, and move on and move forward.  I hope that anyone reading this has an opportunity to renew relationships and show love and kindness to the people around them. It is a good thing. We want light, love, and good things in our lives. 

Love and Hugs  to all those reading this! I will write more when I am in my (wont say where) daddy's house, enjoying the amazing time with my paternal family! 

Dear Readers

I have changed the names of my kids because I got an email from one of them saying I humiliated them. I will probably get another email about this email. So, IF I do... I am so sorry I am telling my three thousand readers about this.. 

The younger two monkeys, whom I spoke with, don't care, but the third monkey did and so the three older monkeys I have coded... 
From now on Monkey Third will be **known as 3**... 
And Monkey Three if you are reading this 
PLEASE don't be annoyed at me. **Indicates that mothers cant ever make Third Monkey Happy and Third Monkey for some damn reason didn't like the nickname, I think so, revising this AGAIN. But not taking down this post**
 

I love my monkeys all the same. 

I had an accident

A few days ago, I was getting over a stomach flu when I was playing the Wii with Long Rock. I was playing a "Dance With ABBA" and there is a part on the dance you put your arms way up over your head when I did, I  hit the light fixture above me and it broke a piece off the glass fixture and it came falling down. 

 I, of course looked up when this happened and my eyes were filled with glass particles. I mean, loads of glass. 

You know, It was not a death experience but, I must say that I did see my life flash before because I immediately thought of two things... I will never see again, and that I had broken the light bulb and because it (the light bulb) is not the incandescent, because people are stupid and will not use them even though those do not give me head aches and incandescent light bulbs help people with Scoptic Sensitivity Syndrome and Dyslexia, but people keep on using the new kinds however... They are filled with Mercury!!! (Yeah!!! I was thinking of Mercury going in my eyes on top of being blind, Mercury poison in my eyes!!!) Thoughts like that were filling and swimming my head... 

 I kept thinking why the hell does this planet not use incandescent light bulbs!! (really) I was scared to death and thinking I am not ever going to see again and I am not going to see pretty colors, the sun, my tan lines, I mean I was thinking of all the things I will never be able to see again when, I ran into the bathroom and flushed out my eyes. I went to not being able to see to being able to gradually see and then I was able to see. My eyes feel really dry. I have been  using eye drops to give me tears to flush out my eyes, and wow. I prayed. 

 I asked God to please save my eye sight and to help me not freak out. 

  Well, I freaked out in my mind because freaking out in front of Long Rock will be horrible. Long Rock is a worry-er and I just knew if I freaked out he would freak out more. So, I had to stay calm for him. I did. 

 He kept saying let's go to the hospital. I thought of going but, the Hospital here in this city... ı thought, how long will it be before they can wash my eyes with water? I would have to wait and wait a lot when I can wash out myself. I also thought, They would tell me the same thing... come back in a couple of days if you do not get out all the glass. 

  And another thing. 

How long will I have to sit and be ignored before someone will even bother seeing me? 

 Well, I thought, I will wash them out really good and if they are not better then I will go. But my eyes have gotten better. If they did not or if they were slightly worse,I would have run into the hospital, but I would have gone to the eye hospital. Everything is fine. I did get one tiny glass particle in my morning eye stuff yesterday... And I just feel like my eyes are dry. 

Can you believe that is all that happened? Wow! 

 I thanked God for that one! 

 Pictures to follow

Go here for Eye Injury Information

The light fixture that busted

little pieces

Looking up this is what broke. one of the curly part of the fixture

Amazing that I did not get more injured. Long Rock was an expert Nurse.

As You can See:::

Yes: I am a dork. 
 It's OK I have accepted this. I like to change my blog for the season. you wouldn't wear a bikini in the Snow would you? May some of you would - hee hee... I would I I were paid. JK mom! Anyway... I change with the season because I wan to get into the Christmas Season but then I wanted to keep this until winter is over and I did not want to be too Christmas-y so I thought I would do a winter scene... OK. YES I am a DORK! 
  Anyway... 
 I have been working hard on the Seminar. But no one is leaving comments... Can you believe??? SO I was looking in the settings of my own blog here... and saw that many of you might want to leave comments but, lo I did not have it enabled. You have to be a member to leave a comment... So I changed that... Sorry Readers!!! I better go back to my other blogs and remedy that!! Forgive me! I have only been on here for a few months and still trying to work my in this internet world. I am intelligent but sometimes I feel really... Barbie ish on this (HTML is like SOO HARD) >>>> That was said with a Valley Voice. (IF you are a lover of Clueless you will know what I mean... Or If you know anyone form the Valley... ) OK... 
I am rambling. I came back on here for more posting more pictures of my Bodrum trip a month and 3 weeks ago!

I will not:::

Show you a picture of my broken toe. 
  It has been in pain for the last week now. I was standing in a 3 car garage and talking to my childhood friend (yes, in Eden)and Connor was playing with a skateboard. He was doing tricks and stuff on it and I was just about to tell him to not go near me with it because I have a fear of wheels around my feet (more like a phobia) and BAM! By accident the skateboard slipped from under Connor's feet and hit my left baby toe. I did not want to scream out in pain and I did not want to hurt his feeling so I whispered to Connor "Go out of the garage with that thing" and he was so sorry... I felt like I was going to die, the pain went up my leg and now it is weird looking. Baby toes are already weird looking. But now it is Uber Weird looking. It has not stopped hurting either... 
If you break a toe, here is a site to help you::: ouch, my toe

It hurts terribly and it hurts to walk. As the site says you might get arthritis but you know, I have it already. does that mean it will be more in that toe? My toe hurts.

Can your heart be in many places a the same time?

 I have been so excited to go home and see my family and everyone! So thrilled that Snuggle is so supportive. But, I am so sad at the same time he can not go with me. 
  My heart sometimes feels in many different places at the same time, but not htat it is a bad thing, just, many times I want for Snuggle to see where I have been born, where I have lived, my world. 
 I have fallen in love with the family I live with here in Turkey, but I want for Snuggle to see that the reason why I am this way or that way is of my family and where I am from too. 
  I have such emotions and anticipations about this Summer seeing everyone. There is no doubt going to be fun with my family. But, then, I am going to think of my heart, the man that is my strength, the man that cares for me and loves me and comforts me and the man that I love listening to his voice when I am lonely. As you can see, I am deeply in love with him. 
  How can anyone not love him? I told him, "Please don't find anyone when I am in Utah, but don't be looking either!" 
   I am grateful he understands that I need to see my family. I need to get my clothes (I seriously am packing hardly nothing so that mom or someone will take me to my storage!) I really am thankful for Snuggle. All this time he has been paying my storage. I need to find a moving company or figure out what we are going to do. Are we going to be in Utah in the next couple years? Are we going to stay in Turkey? 
  Our life is weird and unknown and we do not have the answers as to where we will be and what will work for us, but one thing is clear... I have a man that loves me and I love him. 
We have worked so hard this year in improving our relationship, we have grown closer together and have grown to respect love and adore each other. 
  Now, If I can just get on the plane with out Snuggle, I will be fine!