Being A Better Father

I have a blog that I use for a webpage I named with my dad called "Personal Development Growth and Change". I had been writing in it quite a bit and gradually have been slowing down but I have decided to put more effort in writing on it and this is what I posted on it today. I named 10 things that Fathers can do to be a better Father. 

To Read More Great Posts By Me and My Dad, Click Here.

 

 

 

 

This post was Written by Dena Jensen

I have had writer's block these last few weeks, and I apologize for that. I want to be better at posting more, and I need to be better at posting on here more. I am growing and learning. 

Anyway, I have been thinking about this topic for sometime now. This is in no way pointing fingers. I have happened to want to talk right now specifically to you men. 

  In this world and in American Society, we have a big problem with over crowded Prisons and jails, we have a very pandemic problem with crimes and if you were to dig deep into the problems, you will find more than 60% of these people were raised in a home with out their fathers ever being in their life. 

This, we can conclude, is scary. It is scary because we as adults have a responsibility to our future and we have a responsibility to our children in particular. With this said, I would like to write 10 Ways to Be A Better Father the order of which is not in any in particular. .

Be A Good Example 

All children admire their dads. When we are little in the school yard, we brag about whose father is taller, stronger bigger, smarter, etc etc etc. I remember once a boy said to me,"My dad can beat up your dad". I was offended. Why would anyone want to beat up my dad? I said, "My dad has written more books than your dad"

 Which was probably true, and to this day I do not know what his dad does, but, that to me was a more realistic argument. 

Fathers need to be in their children's lives and at an early age, and a good example to their children. For you Fathers that do not get to see your children more than what court allows, you need to make the most of that. And never do anything that will make your child question your integrity later. Kids deserve a good example in their life and the best examples are their parents.

Be Humble

Love is not boastful. Sometimes parents will make mistakes now and then, we are only human. But, it is OK and even healthy for children to see that when an adult makes a mistake, they humble themselves and apologize. It is OK to apologize to a child now and then. It shows that you are willing to accept that you might be wrong now and then and that you will accept them if they make mistakes. Sometimes that is all it takes for a child. We can learn from ourselves and learn from our children when we have a bit of humility. 

Be Involved

If you are a married father with your children in your home, this is optimum. But, sometimes this can not happen and moms and dads are more commonly divorced. Whatever the home situation is, you need to be involved in your child's life. Going to their games, talking to their teachers, being home for dinner, planning family activities with your children are just somethings you can do to be in your children's life. Other things such as helping your children with homework, teaching them how to drive, taking them on an errand, fixing the house or cars, cleaning the kitchen with your child after a meal, making a meal for the family, or simply going on a walk with your child are just other simple ways to get involved in your child's life. sometimes this will mean having to download "Skype" to video chat with them. Hey, Dad, that is better than no communication.  They are wanting you to reach out to them. You are the parent, you need to be the one to do it. 

Keep Family Ties/ Love Your Own Parents

The best way for your child to know about his/herself and you is for you to have a healthy good family relation with you and your own family. Grandparents in the USA actually do not have parental rights to their grand children so in a divorce if the divorce is very bitter, the grandparents are caught in a pretty sad battle and usually the losing side and rarely seeing the grand-kids. On the rare occasion there are families that are not a good influence, and the grandparents are not a good example in the children's life, of course, we say there needs to be an emancipation of the family. In the most part, families are not bad. Keep in contact and good relations with those family members that are good and healthy and provide a healthy relationship with your children. 

Be Gentle

I have noticed that it is usually the father in the home that is more of the disciplinary and the mother is the one saying "Wait til your father gets home"! And that is supposed to be a threat to the child to straighten up and do what they are told or dad will come home and handle them. I do not think this is fair and sometimes it works. But, dad's when in reality do you want to come home after a hard day's work and discipline the kids? Dads need to learn to hand over the discipline to the mom and the dad's need to be more like the mom and have the fun time with the kids. I am not saying children should not have discipline, but use a balance. And never ever physical discipline. My dad was good with using weed pulling and yard work as a discipline. Mom would just send us to our room, as a time out. However, I loved being in my room more than being out of it o dad developed the pulling weeds idea for me. For every minute I was snarky to my parents, I got 5 minute of weed pulling. It added up fast as a teen. But, It was a good way to get out some upset emotions I had, and good exercise and a good way to get the yard clean. However, mom and dad were very gentle with me and still are. Kids learn better with someone guiding them, not hitting them or belittling them. 

Be Honest

Children need honesty. Sometimes there needs to be private and quiet discussions that are age appropriate. If your child is an adult, honesty, but discretion.   I happened to see a friend of a friend's wall on Facebook on Mother's Day. I was astonished and yet grateful. I was astonished on what this mother had on her wall, and grateful she was not my friend on Facebook nor in person. Her whole life was right there on Facebook for the world to see. She was fighting with her husband and both herself and husband were posting everything publicly. Honesty is so important however, sometimes, even when you are fighting with your wife and very angry, go behind a closed door and quietly work it out together, and not using any Social Network as a means of handling the situation. Your kids will thank you in the long run. 

Be Wise

 Be wise with your money and time you spend with your children. Be wise with your friendships and how you handle life's situations. Your children watch you and follow your footsteps. They admire you and they want to be like you. Be wise with how you speak of others and how you conduct your life.

Spend Time

My dad would take me on "Father Daughter Dances" and "Daddy Dates" when I was 10, and all the way through my teen age years. We would go on family rides in the canyon, fishing, walks, vacations, spend family time together. Once a week, in fact, every Monday Night we had in our home "Family Home Evening". This is when mom and dad or one of us kids would pick a topic that we would talk about. Honesty, Integrity, The Meaning Of Christmas, The True Meaning of Easter, Faith, Value of Prayer... It was one hour of us learning a new Virtue. After wards, mom would go in the kitchen and make a dessert while we would have "Family Council"  This is when we would all talk about the week, what we were planning for the next month as far as car usage, family rules we needed to go over, if there were any announcements to make, they were made then, ideas for other family activities would be planned then. We talked and socialized during Dinner too. Every night dad would get home if he did not have an evening class and we would have dinner at 6:00 pm every night. That was a time for  us to talk about our day. Those things will always be in my heart and mind. Especially Family Home Evening. 

Give Freedom

  

Children want discipline but they also want  independence. Once your child gradually grows and develops, you will see ways in which that child will need their freedom. This is natural and a part of growing and becoming their own individual human. It is natural for a parent to not want a child to suffer the same way they did. It is natural for a parent to say things such as, "Don't make the same mistakes I did!" I was involved with a discussion once where a mother whose daughter is so very talented with music and vocal skills. I mean... I am in awe. The daughter wants to go to a University where she can grow musically but her mother is insistent she follow another path. Not allowing this girl the freedom to pursue the dream of going to a Music University will just lead for resentment. Of course there is the fear that she may not get in. Which is not her mother's fear. Her mother's fear is that she will not be happy and that she will have a life full of drugs because many musicians are on drugs. Her mom wants her to pursue something more "Academic". 

 Well, to this I say, the mother needs to give this young lady a little more independence. Parents need to realize that children have their own dreams and their own talents and abilities. 

Be Loving

Be kind and loving to everyone. Do not let your kids know you have a disdain for your ex-wife and her family. Be kind to your children and speak good words about people. Your children will trust you and love you more and feel more accepted by you if you are kind to others and say good things and stay positive about the world around you. Children need love, and you as a father are the perfect one to give them love. Sometimes it is hard to give a hug to a child. Start with patting them on the shoulder or back. Praise them when they do something good or something you like. Give them kind words of love when they are with you and always let them know you love them. I know many people who have sadly, ended their marriage in divorce. I have seen either side speak so badly of the other parent. This will damage the children and make the wounds of divorce even deeper. If parents are not divorced, then they should never ever speak badly about the other parent. There is never good that will come of this. Never speak harshly to your child either. Children need to hear good words from their dads. Hug your children. Tell them you love them, tell them how important they are in your life. You will be pleasant surprised the blessings that will be returned to you;and your children deserve to have the best of you. 

Well, this is my list. If you father's have anything else to contribute or if you have a good experience with your children you would like to share with us, please post it. 

To all the good healthy fathers out there that have been loving and good and kind to your children, good work! Keep up the good life you are giving your children! 

I hope you all continue to read my blog, and I will continue to write or have my dad write for more information on Growth and Change.

Adding Color

Let me add a little color to my posts. I have noticed I have not added pictures recently. I must rectify that :

I went to Marmara Ereğlisi on Sunday. Marmara Ereğlisi is a good place to spend the day but I do not think I would want to spend more then one day. However, there are some things to see. There are a lot of little café's and there is a park that is actually going into some decline, but someone moves the lawn. It is a place that has lots of columns and I some artifacts that are worth seeing. Little things though. There is more in this city I think than we can see because I think that through out time things have been covered. I say that because as we were leaving there was a HUGE project going on to uncover what looked like part of a village. It was about a block size or maybe a half block and it was being excavated. Like much of Turkey, I am sure a family decided to build, dug up some ancient walls and brought in some experts, closed it down to do some more digging and that is what it looks like. For more information on this fascinating little sea side city, here is a link: Click here to read about Marmara Ereğlisi I have some pictures of another day I went, but here are more:

This is the Cake I bought with Long Rock for Mother's Day for his mom. I put the fresh flowers on

The Flowers are in full bloom. These are on our balcony

Turkish Countryside.

Ever wondered where canola oil came from? Here you go^^

This is ruins of the Ancient Castle that was here in the Greek and Roman Days.

The Fisherman's Docks

the Fishermen live in those little living quarters where those red doors are.

More of the wall. There is a Castle up there and this is part of the castle which is now a barn

My Turkish Mother and Law to be and Grandma. Aren't they cute? I love them.

Turkish parents. I call them Mom and Dad. Anne and Baba it s easier.

Now us girls.

This is from the Byzantine Days.

Some things are as old as Greek and some Roman. This is Titus, And I believe he was alive in the Byzantine Days. There is also his wife and Maximilian. He was a Gladiator- Turned Monk.

This is Greek Tablet.

Another Greek Tablet.

The Beautification Project in Various Sea Side Cities in turkey. This one is in Marmara Ereğlisi.

This is a typical little home with a wall surrounding it here in M. Ereğlisi.

I noticed this little Farm and next to it is the home with a beautiful garden. the family stores their Farm Equipment there. 

Poppies grow all over Turkey.

Farm Equipment

Statues of Kemal Atatürk are found all over Turkey and even in little villages. He is the founding Father of Turkey.

Roses growing up a Gazebo in a park in Marmara Ereğlisi

Flowers blooming all over. Daisies grow like crazy here in Turkey. The yellow of these daisies are the inspiration for the colors of the beloved Soccer team Fenerbahce.

Those Orange Ships are the Turkish Coast Guard. I wonder where the road there leads.

Another view I am above the old ancient wall. See waaayyy down there? That is the Fisherman's Dock.

A Farm house. This is the wall for the barn but it connects to the family's garden. I thought it was so pretty.

Another Farm house. With Fig Tress. So very pretty.

We had tea near the fisherman's docks. We thought we ordered Rose Hip Tea but got hot Kool- Aid tasting tea which was very very sweet. Even too sweet for my mom. (That is VERY sweet :)  )

View from the Fisherman's Docks.

OH!!!

I wrote a post about American Dreams I lies Sweat and Tears of How My American Dream Became a Nightmare.  I wanted to tell you I decided since it was so long I was going to tweak it a little and not make it sound so ramble- ly- ish. After 20 minutes of it up, there were about 200 hits. Because of that many, I have decided to write it better, not changing anything (haha. Like you can change facts) But I want it to read and flow better, and I never put it as a draft. I will post it this week, I just wanted to tell you all that. 

Keep Looking for it. I promise it will come. I was going to do it tonight but I wait for my son in Brazil and I can hardly keep my eyes open. I will have to write it tomorrow. 

Have a Good Sunday, Dear Readers! :)

A Normal Mother's Day

Normally, my kids are running into my room bringing me breakfast in bed, going to church, singing reall cute songs to me, making me cards, and after church we go out and do something special. Usually it involves me not having to Cook. HAha. Often it would involve me and my kids spending time in a park and us playing in the sun and getting some great sun in. 

   I miss my kids. Terribly. This year, I thought I would not be emotional on Mother's Day but I think I am more emotional. I miss my kids more and more. 

 I was supposed to get a Skype call from them today, but I think my son who is currently in Brazil has been really busy with a bunch of things he is doing today. I guess that means I will not be able to talk to him. 

 I have not been able to call my kids this year. Normally for the last since I have been here I have been able to call my family in USA. Well, strangely this phone does not allow me to call. I think it is just an old phone but I have tried calling my dad, my mom, my kids, everyone on my cell phone and it does not allow me to. It is the strangest thing. 

  So, I am kind of feeling more far and lonely. Today is normally a Spend the whole day with my kids day. But it has not been that for me lately. I feel really sad about it today. 

 Anyway, I hope I get a job in USA soon sot hat that will change. I am rather melancholy today. Please forgive me.

Mother's Day 2012

It is Mother's Day today. I have been a mom now for 22 years, 2 months and 28 days. My first born son was born on a Friday. I never really like calling it Mother's Day and I love my mom, but in Church they had all the Mothers Stand up and to honor her, the Ward would give them all a gift for her to take home. I never felt comfortable with that either. There are many Women that were not married. Many women could not nor can not bear children, and I did not like the notion of someone giving me flowers on Mother's Day if they were not my child. But, I have always thought that Mother's Day should be everyday and that Women all over the World should be honored.
 I was reading status today and came across a wonderful post by the dearest sweetest person I know and she called it Women's Day not just Mother's Day. I love it. We should be Celebrating being women. We should be honored as Women and children should ALWAYS set one day aside to give their mom individually a special thank you but, Mother's Day should not be inclusive to just Mothers. What about those that want children but can not. I love to say... Happy Women's Day. Yes, we have International Women's Day on April 8th I think it is but you know what? There should be more recognition for the great women that shape the wonderful people we have in Society. We as women should celebrate our Femininity and our diversity and that is why I say to everyone... Happy Women's Day. 

It is not the best picture of me, but it is such a good picture of my Turkish Mother and Grandma

 

American Dreams II: Lies Sweat and Tears of How my American Dream Became A Nightmare

I love watching 60 minutes. I have been watching 60 minutes since I was about 12 or 13. I have always loved watching real journalism and thought that the News was just AMAZING. I loved watching the Nightly News with Tom Brokaw. I loved LOVE Mike Wallace and Tom Brokaw. I used to admire Katie Couric, but lost a lot of respect for her, as she is less a journalist and more a celebrity in my opinion. My mom used to think it was odd that I would prefer to watch the news over Cartoons as a child. But, I loved the news. So, When I bought a house in 1999, I never thought it would or should have been a 60 minute expose, but I honestly thought I had watched the horror story on 60 minutes before and never thought it would happen to me. Let me tell you my dear reader what happened.

 Let me take you back to 1997, for just a bit so you see what was going on in my life.
We had moved to Deming NM with the promise that we would live in the same home as his parents for three months then move to a rented home or apartment, or somewhere in town that was not in the same home as his parents, but I knew that for three months we were to live in Deming New Mexico with his parents.
 We got through the first month, although I had utterly HATED NM. Visiting was fine but living... UH UH. NOWAY. So, The first pay check came. Shocker, people, the pay check was 2,000 dollars LESS Than what was promised in the Contract, yes the signed and written contract. Breech of contract you would say? Well, lets put it this way, in Deming New Mexico when you are not a member of a tough Mexican Gang, or not a Banker, or not a big Wig Doctor, you are a pee on and nothing, and it is literally, the Wild. West. And that is what happened to my X and I. We were in a situation where we were lied to and we were screwed. We tried coming back to Utah but his position in Utah as a Teacher was filled and so, he decided with my push to go into the US Border Patrol. He had ALWAYS wondered what it would be like to be an Agent, he was already in the Military as a National Guard Specialist, and so if ANYTHING Drill Camp was harder than Academy, but hard but, you know, in a different way. He had always wanted to be in Law Enforcement and was always really athletic and needed to do something to support us. He went into get an interview and they very quickly gave him a position int eh Academy. I was in the same time had major surgery. I had consulted with my Dr and on November 1st of 1999 we not only had to move in to our first home (after two years of living with his parents!!!) We had to move and I had surgery all in the same day. The day after the Surgery, I was supposed to be in the hospital for 5 days after the surgery. It was pretty major stuff, I got a woman who was in charge of Quality Control in the hospital sitting on my bed. "Dena. I tried calling the Insurance Company and they said you are not covered and this was not approved" No, That is not true, I had just spoke with my Dr and the Insurance Company the day before and they both had said that I was covered, everything was good to go. She, this woman, Nina Bolton (??)  was just ... A total biatch. As soon as I left the hospital which what she did was illegal people. She called me back and told me she was wrong. By then I was so tired and in such pain I did not want to be there. My X was moving and I had no where to go but sit on a couch at friends house and all of her kids were sick and I go the bug. Well, a couple of months later, and I was in my home, with out my X because he was in US BP Academy, I heard water gushing. I looked through the house. Our house was big and I loved it. It had an upstairs and down stairs kitchen. The downstairs kitchen had literally a river flooding it. A pipe broke.
 I immediately called my insurance company. They said they would get someone to come out and look at the damage. I was assured not  a problem. This is where my problem began.
 We had to find where the damage or broken pipe was coming from.  Well, this is where things got really crazy. Do you have an hour? Literally. This is going to take a long time and I will tell you, nay, warn you my dear reader, you will need to pop pop corn and get yourself a large coke a cola. This is literally what happened. So, I have a bathroom in the upper part of the house. The bathroom was near to my bed room and we had never been able to get the tub to work right. I mean, it would drain very slowly. So, Where the water was coming from, it was in the North and East part of the house and the Down stairs kitchen was in the South and West side of the house, we (my X father in law and I) thought, lets start in the bathroom. We took up the carpet, and had to cute the base floor board. The ground there was soaking wet, and so we were trying to figure out how the heck it was broken. It was a main waterline. So, I with my little 18 month old dug a hole that was about 6 feet deep, and four feet wide. We were trying to find the main water line. We saw the that tub water, when drained went south and West... but where? where did the water go? And where was the main water? upon digging literally tons of dirt, I then found a bunch of metal pipes under a slap of concrete. on the Western part of the house. I went to the county records and asked about my house. I was told I was the third owner by the seller. The seller was also the homeowner, which was not disclosed to me at all. Not to mention that the inspector of the home was best friends of the Home owner and his family and was not available to talk to because he was trying to become Senator of the state, and so he was too busy to talk to me unless I was 1)Voting for him 2) giving him a butt load of money for his campaign.
His name ironically was John Smith.
 I forgot the prior home owners name. Another thing that I found out in the County records was that my home was 900 sq ft, and was built in 1940.
 Well this was strange. Because the county records was completely off! My home was in fact sitting on 5 acres. but my home was 2,800 sq ft. and we bought it for a steal at 75,000 Dollars.
 Then I found this out. One of the county inspectors came to our home because I told him there was a big discrepancy in where the septic tank was. The records showed the septic tank to be several yards behind my house to the West, and that the house was sitting on concrete slab with a kitchen, one bedroom a living room and bathroom. Well, that was half accurate. It also showed that the house was upgraded in 199's with a new kitchen. Oh, OK. So why did I have 1950 flooring in the kitchen, who knows. Well, the inspector had not come out to the house in years because he said... Wow! This home has completely changed!! It is not 900 sq ft!
 Not only that, he said that the bathroom and he showed me where the break came from... Under the the bathroom tub and to the West and a little North was a concrete slab and where the old bathroom used to be. There was all the piping. But, here is the kicker. It was at one point on the outside of the house and to update the  house and move the bathroom inside, they took concrete and slabbed it right ontop of the pipes and built over it. they did not bother re-piping the house and oh, btw. You said you have a brand new septic tank? Well, t is illegal. Knowing all this no one not one person wanted to touch this home, the inspector was grievous, slamming with hundreds of dollars of violations and even said I illegally bought the house from the home owner who since the day we bought the house (his parents built it) split and no one knew where he was nor how to reach him. Since I am the now home owner, It was my responsibility and we had to fix it. The dirty waste water, not toilet waste, was going to the original septic tank, which was illegally dug up by a man in Deming who refused to help me because he was the Roto Rooter man now and was not Roto Rooter back when he did it and he said he did not want to touch the house because he was friends with the prior owner.
Well because the Roto Rooter man would not give me help and no one could come for MILES I could not claim on my Insurance. Oh, yeah, and the insurance guy said it was also because of how the other home owners remodeled the home : You know illegally.  Also, through the mist of all this. being friends with the big wigs in town, one John Smith, was approached by my X Father in Law. My X father in Law was an Art Teacher and worked at the night audit in the Deming First Bank. He was at a party (where they were serving alcohol and the bank President allowed Teenagers to have a few glasses of Rum Punch and when confronted by me: Who is also the Mayor of the Town... Mayor Baca... He just smiled in this... I am better than you way... Leave me Alone way... You know that smile people give... Anyway... Yeah... Alcohol served to Minors at a Bank Party... In the after noon... Well, My Father in Law walked up to John Smith and said ... You know that house that you did the appraisal on and that you inspected and signed your name to... The one on Fransisco Way... There are big problems there. John Smith replied, "I just signed that thing helping you, You know,Rex, I did you a huge favor. That house should have been condemned years ago." (Pray Tell... Favor?!?!)
 Well, That was not all.
      The septic tank that was old and not really there, was behind a 150 year old home that was built waaaay back when the rail road came through the city. It was abandoned. there were three other homes behind our home on our property that needed to have either fixing up or flattened. The septic tank was behind the original home and the old abandoned home that was really not there, so there was a cesspool, because the septic tank was dug up illegally and tossed out and a new one was put in the west and South part of the house. We happened to find it, and we found out that that was illegally put in. To make it legal, a county inspector needed to come out, watch it get dug up, find the serial number on it, cover it and pay the digger and inspector. Well, I knew someone with a back hoe and was willing to come out and do it, and the inspector was of course always willing to take my money, I then found that there was another thing wrong that was a difficult task. How to re-pipe the clean water waste and concrete the cesspool where the old tank was supposed to have been out of commission. The hard one was the fact that we by the time this came all into play, I moved to AZ because the kids needed to be near their dad. He had graduated from Academy (After 6 moths) The third problem was because of the fact that the person that made the house bigger was not a good constructor, he added a sun roof to the house. It was a nice sun roof but, because he did not know who to do it well, when it rained, it slowly leaked into our game room and one day, the roof on that area caved in.  we had to re roof the entire house, find the leak, make sure that it never EVER happened again, install new ceiling in the house.
 I loved the house despite  all the problems. I hated Deming New Mexico. I had a strong disliking for some of the people that lived there. When I moved the kids to AZ, I did end up having to sell the house. It did take me 3 years to sell, and it took a huge hard time trying to sell it but I did sell it. What I did was this.
 I put it in a paper in Southern AZ and in southern NM. I said "This home is not for First Time Buyers. It is a Must See to Love Home" and I put my name and number. I did not get a call for the first week. I did not try to sell it before 2002. We just let it sit and paid the Mortgage and was never a day late on it. But, I knew we needed to sell it and I would go to the home a lot especially when things were bad with my X and I. It was a good excuse to not go to AZ, I had to sell the home :)
  Well, The first few weeks there was nothing. Then one day I got a phone call from a lady saying that she was leaving her husband. I said, Well, if you are up for a job, this is your home. She said tell me about it. I said, Why don't you come out and visit me and look at the home and we can talk about it." She liked that idea. Her husband was a Rancher from Douglas AZ and she was closer to the NM Side and she loved horses. She was raising a few of her own Thoroughbreds for Showing and Racing and needed LOTS of room. We walked around the out side of the home at first. She noticed we had a corral and not a bad one. We had access to water to it too, and she saw the homes in the back could easily be moved off the property. The land could easily be divided, and there were city plans to come and ask me if they could buy some of my land for an access road. They knew I was pissed off at them because the Mayor and I had a confrontation about the Alcoholic Teenagers and the Underage Drinking Problem I had repeatedly tried to address with him about, and the fact that I tried to ask him Why in God's Universe would he when upon seeking re-election did he ALWAYS go to Mexico with his caravan of people, shop at the "Pink Store" order Margaritas in Mexico and Announce his Candidacy there in Mexico and NOT IN USA where he was living? Oh yeah and My confrontation with the School District Superintendent about the fact that he allowed his Principals to lie, allowed the Mexican Kids who were not legally supposed to be going, bully my son and even a 10th Grader beat the snot of my 5 year old and the Bus Driver did nothing about it, The Teachers allowed the White kids to be picked on. Oh yeah, and I asked him once why the heck did he steal money from the Federal Government for allowing Illegals to come to school
, Bus Drivers drove to Mexico to get kids, and they US Government had no idea that the Diversity was coming illegally. So, needless to say, The Deming City Counsel were more than happy to not ask me if they could build a road and buy some of my land, I knew though, It was a matter of time. I ever talked to a City Planner and a City Surveyor. They both showed me the plans for a new road, and it went right through my land. Well, I warned the woman about it, but said that they would give her a huge chunk of change and since land was cheap she could get more land south and East of Deming and Dang that land was pretty rich. She liked that idea. Then the house. I told her everything about it. I told her ALL The things I loved and All the thing sI could not fix up. But all the things that were wrong and I fixed, I told her about it. She actually had a back hoe and a Concrete Maker! She knew EXACTLY what she would do with the land. She was like me and loved the huge trees on the land, loved my Basketball court I made the kids and LOVED the Berry Bushes that the Jack rabbits tried to eat but being that I shot them and my dog Bear hate rabbits and ate them... They never came around, so berries grew very well in my property. Well, she went a few weeks scared and not sure and sometimes calling me and telling me she did not want to by the house, but in the end, she bought it. She bought it for 110K and We bought a house for 120K, and with Taxes, etc etc etc We ended up having a payment of less than 106K on a NEW HOME with No problems and still the same size: 2,800 sq ft.I not only sold that one on my own and walked her through it and helped her, I bought the other one with no problems and knew exactly what to do and knew the terms I wanted on the home.
   I have to say... Lucky me for even selling. Normally homes like that people would just walk away. Not me. I had to do the best with what I had, even with the Town's freaks trying to cover up whatever it was they did not want me to know. Apparently the original owner of the town split and was being sought after for money that appeared to be stolen from his Department in the City that he worked for. I heard he moved to OK or Kansas. I do not know where he actually went. But he split out of town and fast. He used his power in the City Counsel to remodel his home that his parents gave him and the home that he grew up in.
 Deming New Mexico is a town typical of Corruption, lies and people that get away with all kinds of things. I think it is because it s far off the beaten path and the Government does not want to bother with NM. (A very Corrupt State in USA)
 Well Stay Tuned for part Three people... The next one is a doosey.

Taber Cats, Dragons, and Bears, OH MY!

So, I have to tell somewhat of a story and give you a back ground on this topic.

 (No, not a movie)

 All of my life I have had this thing... It is not a bad one, just a trait of mine that once I start something I have to do it well. I get really freaked out in my mind if it is not the way I like it or if I think it should be better. I guess it is a borderline O.C.D. thing, I don't know. I have always tried to realize it is me and not some out side influence, and I do everything I can to keep it in so that people around me are not effected.

 With that said, I have said before that I am, or I feel I am not a very good Game Consul Player because I have to win and I have to be good at it and in reality, Game Consul Games are harder to me than real board games.

With that all said, I have developed a somewhat addiction for a PS3 Game. Yes, you read correctly. This is an epic one. Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.

So, imagine going into a Game Consul and when you turn on the game for the very first time, you think you are watching a movie, and even I would go as far as say that the graphics are that you think at first you are watching a movie like "Dinosaurs" where there are real pictures and computer animated to look real people and animals and creatures, however, everything is computer animated, but looks real. So real in fact, I get scared to play. I am literally scared. Long Rock LOVES Scary Movies. This does not scare him, and so I imagine many of people that likes watching scary movies will not think this is scary. 

  The story line starts off with your Character heading to the chopping block in the city of Helgen, in the vast land of Skyrim, where you are being punished for Treason. While in Helgen, a dragon, which later you find out has the name of "Alduin" attacks the city and kills everyone in the city, including the people that had captured you. 

 Before you get to the chopping block, you are required to give yourself a name, a race and you will pick through limited hair options, but you will pick your race, which comes with special race perks, or special triats. 

•  Altmer: They are Highborn Elves, and Regenerate Magic Quick. Very Tall Race
• Argonian: They are Lizard Looking, have Underwater skills and are resistant to poison. They can only marry other Argonians and instead of wearing the Amulet of Mara to want to marry, the Argonian has to make a ring for the one they intend to marry, and the ring has special meanings to the different Argonian wearing and making it. (There is only one female marry-able Argonian in Skyrim. She lives in Windhelm) 
• Bosmer: They are Wood Elves. They can command Animals and are known for their Archery Skills. They are good Stealth Warriors. They are resistant to Poison.
•  Breton: Half Elf and Half Human, Bretons resist magic, have what is called "Dragon skin" meaning they can resist hostile magic spells for 60 seconds. They are highly intelligent and have many special perks if a player chooses this Skyrim Minority Race.They can have great Magic and Combat skills, but there is a bug, and Conjuration Spells sometimes fail when a player has a Character that is a Breton. 
• Dunmer: Otherwise known as Dark Elves. They are also a Minority of Skyrim and treated slightly better than Argonians, who are sequestered to only the Docks of Skyrim. Dunmer came to Skyrim after a huge Volcano erupted and they lost all their homes. They are resistant to Magic up to 50% and they have "Ancestor's Wrath" Perk. What it does is engulfs the castor in Flames of Fire for 8 seconds and gives damage to the enemy, leaving them weak with stamina, and health. For a normal Non-Player in Skyrim that is not hostile it will kill them in a couple of seconds. 
•   Imperial: They are slightly darker Human- Type race that have strong features, a sharp jaw line, deep set eyes. They have incredible speech skills and they seem to find gold and extra money everywhere they go. They have the perk of being able to calm enemies for 60 seconds. Essential Characters the player will interact with will identify them with Latin or Italian names, such as Viloa Giordano. 
• Khajiit: This race in Skyrim are Cat Like. They Look like Bobcats that walk upright. They are very very fast. 50% faster than any other race in Skyrim, a more quiet, do not have to use weapons as they have claws when attacking (such as a cougar) and make excellent Assassins. They have night vision, have thick fur like a cougar, or bobcat, and are enemies with the Argonian.They can not marry in Skyrim, so if you want the Marriage Perk, being a Khajiit would not be an option.
•  Nord: Are humans that are fair skinned and have a 50% resistant to Cold and Magic Frost. They are Warriors and very strong. They are excellent combatants and have known skills in the two hand and one hand weaponry.They have a battle cry as another inherited perk. This makes the enemy run and scare for 30 seconds in Battle.  They usually bare Nordic or Scandinavian names, such as Rolf, Sven, Rorick, etc etc. 
• Orismer: This race in Skyrim are also known as Orc. These are Barbarian people that are the best Warriors if you want Stealth, Strength and Pure Iron Muscle. They Love fighting battles and are perfect in Combats. There is a saying in Skyrim, "No one beats an Orc". And it is a tough battle if you go up against one. Orcs are in the Elven Family, as a matter of fact, but that has not stopped them from being pure combat worthy. and being they are Elves, they still have magic as a perk, and so they are perfect to play as. 
• Redguard: These humans are from the land of Hammerfell and have dark skin and dark hair and dark eyes. They are excellent in Light Weaponry, and fast, with an incredible stamina and resistant to magic. 
• Vampirism: Humans, Mers, and Beast can contract this Disease which has perks and consequences to those perks. The perks are 100% resistant to diseases, Invisibility, re-animate a dead strong body to help fight for 60 seconds, night vision for 180 seconds for one day, but interacting with anyone will make the invisibility null. However, the drawbacks to Vampirism in Skyrim is that Character has 100% weakness to Frost, Sun, and Fire. Being attacked by a Vampire can cause Vampirism and the character can be cured within three days or the Vampire Disease is onset and the only way to rid of it is to obtain a Black Gem Stone and perform a Ceremony with the help of a Falion. (as explained in the totally awesome Skyrim webpage I use for references: Totally awesome webpage I use to guide me through Skyrim
• Lycanthropy: Is another disease that can be contracted in Skyrim. Or You can chose to be a Werewolf if you want. If you contract it and become cured, you can not have the option of ever getting it again and if you are cured before finishing the Quest lines that are involved in those Quests, will be unfinished quests. It is wise to really think beforehand what you want to do with your character when contracting or ridding yourself of this disease.

Now, once you choose from the many different races, and chose your name, which by the way once you save that you can not go back and change it. I made the mistake of not noticing I forgot to name my character, so to my dismay I have the name "Prisoner" and I hate my name. I realized it as soon as I pressed save. Oh, when I get letters from different N.P.C.'s or when an Essential Character asks my name, and I have to respond with "Prisoner"... Ugh. I could if I want to go back ad play the entire game to where I am again, but I don't want to.

I think this game is amazing in the sense that you can interact with everything around you. I can make my character swim in a river, get salmon in the river, cook it, I unlock doors and treasure chests, have conversations with people to get my speech skills Once you get through getting out of prison and getting out of Helgen, your adventure is all up to you. You can do any quest you want, you can raid all the caves, and places  you want, and see all the different cities you want. It is really amazing. My addiction was not present until I had been combating and raiding with a one Housecarl I obtained after fighting and killing a dragon, and the Jarl gave her, Lydia to me. Well, Lydia was killed by a dragon and not only killed but when I went to find her, only her ribcage was found, I literally cried. I mean tears rolling down my face. I think it was because I had spent so much time trying to battle this Dragon and get to the level I was at. Well, I realized, I think I have a problem. But, this game captivated me. I mean, It is really amazing. 

  So, If you want to get into a game that has action, intrigue, adventure, thrill, and an amazing soundtrack with great graphic designs, I suggest this game. 

 

An American Dream: The Lies, Sweat And Tears of How My American Dream has been like A Night Mare.

I wanted to write about something personal, about me. 

 I have said over and over many things and many reasons as to why I am currently in Turkey but hoping to return to Turkey. 

 I would like to talk about a part of me that is very deep. Every real. It is my story. I will give it in parts. There is a couple of reasons for it. One being that parts of this takes an emotional toll on me. Sometimes it is because parts of  it is length and I want to still write but keep my readers from being bored. 

Why are my kids here and there and everywhere? 

Well, I have been literally put on fire over this. Not only by outsiders, family members, people that do not know me and I have lost many good friends over this as well. 

The following events are true. 

I became a single mother in 2004 or 2005. I never planned it. I tried to stay in the marriage. For his ego, which was a pretty big one and I think it has to do with "Napoleon Syndrome", and just not one thing but 1,001 things, I became single. He would tell you that he was really great and how he tried to do everything for me and then you would think... Wow... This person was a B**** and even times I hear from others he claims that I ran off on him which is not true and even so far from the truth, but I think he feels better telling himself and everyone else that. 

 When I went from AZ to Utah, no job, have not been in the work force for years other than a Day Care I ran by myself, just barely the money in my pocket, and 6 kids and one  Golden Labrador. I was scared and used to being comfortable financially and my kids were more scared than me. 

I had my son, 15 who was now the one I relied on as the "Man of the House" and my Preisthood holder in the home.  My second child a daughter was 14 and so sweet and just... happy all the time. My third child and daughter was sweet and spunky and the back bone for me, trying to make me realize I am a Phoenix, and then my 10 year old boy was just my baby boy and a daddy's boy but a mommy's boy too. My baby daughter was hardly 7. She was also spunky and a total mommy's girl. My sixth child was not mine with birth, but rather through legal papers in tow from my sister who gave me parental rights because she did not have a life that would be able to have a child in her home. My Golden Lab was my biggest baby and always insisted on sitting on my lap although he was 250 pounds and bigger than me when standing on his hind legs.  We were a family. I intended to keep t as intact as possible. I needed to. For my kids. For me. 

 Well, I found a job which paid ok but in order to supplement I had to work extra in the Catering Department of the Hotel I was working for. It was good money. But, It was leaving me gone and in retrospect, too much. But, I had to take care of my kids, right??? I mean what do you do? 

Well, things got really hard for me and my kids in the winter. My oldest son was more and more defiant to wanting to be in Utah, wanting to be in AZ and really resented that I had left a "good life and good money" with his dad that raised him to come to Utah where I could not buy a car for him and I felt horrible that I had no money to buy him a car for his 16 Birthday. I mean HORRIBLE. 

Well, my other son was crying a lot and it was breaking my heart. I mean really crying. He missed his dad and calling him on the phone was not enough. My son's heart was broken. School was hard to concentrate and his grades were slipping. I ached for him. 

 I one day sat my boys down and explained them I love them with all my heart. Sometimes in families, Mothers have to make a decision that would give the children options, and that sometimes the options a child chooses, makes the mom sad for her but happy for her child to be happy. So, I presented the idea that, IF my two sons were to move back to AZ, the oldest living with his friends, and the younger living with his dad, they would have to promise me some things

1: Stay active in Church and Boy Scouts 

2: Know that I love them and miss them and want them to come home anytime they want

3: Call me every week

4: Call each other twice a week and see each other once a week

5: Get good Grades, Stay in School and even get College Credit in High School to keep up on their studies. 

6: Repeat EVERY DAY number 2

Words can not describe how sad I was, how I did not want to say those things to them but how I wanted them to be happy and do what was in the best interest of them

They chose to live in Az. My heart sank but I had to accept their choice. 

   I found a home for my Golden Lab. That was heart breaking too. Bear was my only child that did not talk back. 

My son who I was legal guardian of but not birth mother to,  was planning on staying just the Summer with a family member but I was told he would come back in the Fall with me and continue our family unit with just us three girls and him in the house. I sadly agreed to allow him to go for the Summer.

I found a way smaller house to accommodate the 4 kids and me, and  thought that things were missing, a hole in my deepest part of my heart, but that things would get better, some way. 

 The end of the Summer I was informed that the boy I was Legal Guardian to was adjusting VERY WELL with the family member and according to another family member "better off than he ever was". Well, that was a huge stab in the heart, but, another part of my life was just steps ahead, and I was hoping for better times. 

 The home was very quiet. Too quiet. But, we girls got along. We had our fun days and did our fun things and we had our moments of hard times, too. There was an unspoken hole in all our hearts, but we are a family, and we are pulling together trying to stay together. At least we had us girls and the boys would come visit us from AZ anytime they could. 

  January my third daughter came home from visiting her father in the Middle East. We were in a store in Orem when she was telling me about how her trip went. And then she said how much she loved me and how deeply she feels connected to me and how there is nothing in the world that can stop me from loving her but how deeply she needed to know her father and his family and how I have given her the best 13 and a half years of her life, but she will be going to College soon and would that be great if she knew her fahter as much as she knew me and how she wants to see him everyday, too, like she got to see me everyday. then she said how she went to this school and it was a Private School, American with all types of children going there and how they went to interesting places and was very culturally diverse and how she would learn French and Arabic. And ended with, "Can I please live iwth my dad and I promise I will still always be with you?" and before I thought about anything; before I had a chance to say, "NO!!!" I heard myself with tears streaming down my face saying "Oh, my darling yes! Please, never forget I love you" and within 6 days, my daughters back pack was stuffed with a little piece of my heart that was little enough that no one saw it but bigger than that back pack she had as she waved good bye to me and boarded the air plane to her new life, and a life that I could never give her. 

 The next few months were sort of blur for me and my other daughters. We were a little beaten. We tried to be happy. we were just... Shattered but happy for the kids with their new lives. But, it was hard. I would stay home as much as I could to be with my girls. I stopped asking for extra time and over time to work. Time was spent more at home.  But, I did not want to go anywhere. I tried taking my two girls places for fun. We would have fun, but we were still... Suffering inside and I would try to talk about it my second child, but she bottled up inside. 

  That Summer came and she wanted to see her brothers and thought that it would be a good thing to visit the summer in AZ and be a sort of 

baby sitter for her brother and sister and spend more time with them, spend two weeks with her dad in California then head back up to Utah for school and with her little sister.

   For reasons that I will not go into detail in this post, my finances went from Great, and Good and Doing my Best to at an ALL LOW. 

 that was OK. I was scared, but I had my two girls coming back for School. Well, I got a phone call from a hospital in AZ, telling me that my daughter had no idea who I was and had an accident. See, two weeks before that, she was riding bikes with her brother and sister and fell and hit her head, and she was knocked out. But, the kids said she seemed fine. She later went to Y.W. Camp (Young Women's) and there she was suffering from many things, heat, lack of shade, lack of water, stresses of the year, etc etc etc and she passed out but when she came to, she did not remember anything. The Hospital transferred her to a bigger and better Hospital in Tucson and there that Hospital tried to make me allow her to take An Anti Psychotic. and sedatives. I disagreed because the Anti Psychotic was also a narcotic and once she took it she had to take it the rest of her life. My daughter was not psychotic. She was suffering from Acute Mental Distress that was situational not because of anything else.  The Hospital decided to take action against me and tried to throw me in Prison for "Child Endangerment" and so, I had my brother take me to my daughters room and show me everything that was a sign of a disturbed teenager, because my brother is a Certified and Licensed Psychologist and Family Therapist working with Disturbed Teenagers in Utah and one of the few that is qualified in his line of work. Well my brother sees that all the time in his job, and I told him, even if it hurts my feelings, please show me the signs. We went in her room. There were notes to her from her friend: "Hey, Ja*****, What are you doing?" daughter: Oh, nothing. English is boringgggg..... ZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZZzzzz... LOL friend: What are you doing Friday night? my daughter: well, I want to hang out with my mom. It is her night off. What are you doing? friend. Oh :( I was going to aask you if you wanted to come sleep over. My mom said it would be OK. my daughter: Well, Can you sleep at my house so I can hang with my mom and then we can do our own things too? Let me text my mom. She is way cool.  Friend: Oh, OK. sure! daughter: My mom said what is your favorite pizza so she can call in before she comes home. YAY!! We will have a blast!!! 

  Her room was filled with Books Such as Harry Potter, a Holy Bible, A Book OF Mormon, and children's books. Her Music was mainly soundtracks from movies like Fiddle on the Roof (which she stole from my CD case) Mary Poppins, Sound Of Music, Night mare Before Christmas, and the all time favorite in our home: Mormon Tabernacle Choir. (REALLY A DISTURBED CHILD??!?!) My brother laughed at the accusations of my daughter's hospital and with my dad's help: She was released, to go to California and live with her dad because her dad had the insurance that helped her, paid the bills and if she came to Utah, the insurance would not cover it because he lived and worked in California. There was no other options for her health right? She had a team of 5 different Dr helping her with her memory recovery, helping her with her feelings and allowing her to express her feelings so that she realized it was OK to be sad about her family being torn apart, etc etc etc. She also has found well we found that she has seizures from time to time. We have been trying to get to the root as to why and we have been helping her with those. 

  Well that left me with just my little one and me. We were inseparable. We would do everything together and for other reasons beyond our control we moved in the same city limits and in a different school district but a better one. Well, it was me and my little one and we would do our best to see everyone in the holidays we could. They would come up and see me too. 

  I planned on coming here to Turkey just for 6 weeks. That was my initial plan. 

 I was going to come here to meet a person I was not sure how it was going to end up. I spent a lot of time talking and emailing and I wanted to see what this was all about, but I only had 6 weeks to spend. I was going to return and have a new place lined up and allow my baby girl to stay with her dad from the time I left for Turkey and let her wait out until school the next school year because six weeks was a lot and moving and shuffling was too much, but start a new school year, it seemed the best thing to do. I was promised my  job when I came back. Well two weeks after I got here, I got fired. There is a "No Cause" law in Utah where they do not have to like you and can fire you for any reason. In another post, I will talk about the details, but, my dad was happy to have me leave the company. I on the other hand, was scared. How to get back to USA on my own, how to be with my kids and still have my Turkish Fiancee join me, this is all complicated and hard and difficult. One can look at my kids and say... Well, most kids do not get to spend time with their fathers, and I have gotten letters on my counter from people who are ignorant and jerks saying "You suck as a mom, You are the worst mom ever" and I have answered her, well this one in particular. I ignored the letter until I was at church when the self righteous woman came up to me and said, "SO?" I said "Excuse me?" she said, "Did you get the letter ı wrote you?" I said, "Yes" She said,"What do you have to say back?" I said, "I did not know how to say Fuck you, Bitch, in a tactful way so I decided to say nothing at all." I did get the gratification of watching her huge bigger than Jay Leno ugly chin drop to the floor, before I did an about-face then quietly asked the Lord to forgive me for saying those words in His House of Worship, but not Sorry for saying them to her.

   Since then, I have been harshly judged, but, I have loving and caring people that stand at my side, and 5 children that although we are not a family in the conventional sense we are a family that desperately wants to be reunited.  Many set- backs and many triumphs as such with any family have been along the way, but through it all, I do not write this as a pity me nor have I ever asked "Why God? Why my family?" but I do in my deepest heart of hearts and in my quiet times, ask, "When God? When is it my time with my kids again?" and then I ask, "Please?" but I know that there is nothing that can part me from my kids completely. 

 and I always Thank God for keeping my kids safe, providing me with a way to see my kids in the Summertime, and never giving up hope that I will find a job in USA and find a place for my two younger kids and me as the older ones are now in University. I want to keep the dreams that I will be working in USA and have a stable job, a simple home with the option of allowing anyone to feel like they can be welcomed in my home, and marry the man I love and live with him in the same home. I do no t think it is a big dream. But it is for me, and I just keep the faith that it will happen.

 My biggest concern is my children. I always want them to know I love them and with all my heart. I also want them to know if I had a job and a place, I would be there in a heart beat. I also would like to add that I think it is good that they have a father who loves them and that it is important that even though you can not get along with your X that as long as the kids are in a good place, it is optimum to have a mom and a dad but if that can not happen, either parent is good. I want to also say that I never abandoned my kids and I hear this a lot. I never planned on this happening. I never would dream this on an enemy either. But, I will say that I have learned a lot about judging others and judging single mothers. I will never look at a woman who does not have her children living in her home with her and saying ANYTHING nor thinking ANYTHING negative because I know the hurt and damage and gossipy falsehoods that come from that. And: Pictures of me and my kids will follow. I can not wait to post them.