On Being Selfish

I don't think anyone who has never lived in America knows how hard it is to live here. If you think you know about America because of the movies you watch, you need to rethink your ideas about America. America isn't a country that will allow you to just come here and bring your family, unless you are coming illegally. To anyone here illegal, I despise you because I am not able to see my husband because of you. 

If anyone thinks I am selfish they know nothing about me. 

I did not know I would be away from United States for as long as I did. While I was gone, I lost everything in my life. My kids included. Everything I have ever planned in my life has gone to shit. I stayed in Turkey because I was so torn with myself. Not being with my kids, having no job, and no home to return to. But, I fell in love with my husband. I fell in love with my (now) in laws. I didn't want to leave Turkey, but I also wanted to live with my husband as a couple. It could not be so in Turkey. And so, with a lot of difficulty, my husband and I thought that him coming here would be the best option for us. See, while in Turkey, I was living with his grandma. He was/is living with 3 other guys in a tiny hotel room with a window that looks out into the other side of the hotel, and a vent humming constantly and which is super loud and give headaches. There is no air conditioning. The hotel food is terrible, and so this is his life. Rent in the city where he works is outrageous, and so we would not be able to see each other. This is one of the reasons why I wanted to bring my husband here. When I lived in Turkey, I would only see husband every once in awhile. I would have been able to teach over there, however, the country has decided to close private schools, and I would not be able to find proper jobs in order to help us be together. We just want to be together. And, so, I came here, being told by a U.S.C.I.S. Officer that it would take me and my husband no more than 5 months apart. how would I have known I will not see my husband after 3 years and 6 months. This is killing me and my husband. So, It took me several months for me to find a job, get me an apartment, (which I need in order to bring my husband here). This is the thing. I have to meet criteria from the Government mandated by them to me. I have met that criteria, and so it took years for that to happen. Afterwards, the government said that because I have not been paying my taxes long enough, although I make the money they said I have to be paying taxes a lot longer than they originally told me. So, now i am being told by certain people I am selfish. Am I really? I am burning, no, fuming with anger that someone would accuse me of being selfish. I went to Cabo, because #3 child paid for the hotel, and I happened to, for the first time in literally years, go somewhere to relax for 4 days. And it is now being thrown in my face. I was told that me living here and my husband in Turkey is selfish and of me and I do not put him first in anything. I am calling bull shit on this. If I did not put my husband first, why would I go through all this hell, knowing that in the end I would not see him here? I am doing everything I humanly capable of doing just so I can have my husband with me and at my side. This is my only goal, and I  can't stop until this happens. I am just saddened and shocked and upset all at once. It angers me too. I do everything in thinking about how it will effect me and my husband and how can  I bring him here. The first year I came here, I made 1,000. The second year I was here I made 5,000. I have come a long way since then, but, everything is nothing if I can not have my husband at my side with me. I am told that I don't think of him and don't put him first in anything. This cuts me to my soul.  Whomever says this has no idea what I go through to try to bring him here and has no idea what they are talking about.  I will one day be able to face that person and that person will see how wrong they are, and how bad it is to think such things about me.