About three weeks ago, I got a message from a dear friend. This friend of mine relayed a story to me about how he has to move out of his place right now and how he was homeless, and really freaking out because he didn’t know where he was going, losing his job, and was suffering panic attacks because he didn’t know what his future held.
After talking to my husband, we decided that he was in a place in his life where that was me a few years ago, moving back to the USA from Turkey. We took pity on him and allowed him to move in with me, until he had a job, and a place to stay. We were hoping it would be very temporary.
Well, about two days after he came to stay with me, my new “roommate” started to slip in (in conversation) little things here and there that only my kids and I would know about. It went from there to just about everything that my kids would talk about to this “friend” of mine. I realized he was getting more and more aggressive about myself and how he felt towards me. It also made me really uncomfortable because he was getting mis information about me, and I didn’t like how he was saying things that weren’t true about me and acting like everything he was saying was cannon. Finally my. Daughter left to go back to California and, my roommate, the very person who I found a full time job that was a managerial position, that got paid more money that his last job, that paid him more money than he ever had in his life, and that gave him benefits for the first time ever... Was treating me, the person that took him in, like I was a criminal. I couldn’t figure out why. Why would he be so angry, passive-aggressive, frustrated, etc etc with me? Come to find out he was engaging in conversations with a family member that was telling him lies about me, and he was not shy about telling me about it. The lies were also slander, and, I knew I can handle the family member, and I have to get on with the family member, but, he wasn’t an option. I was not going to go for that behavior towards me. Ever. I kicked out the so called “Friend” told that person that he was no longer considered a friend for me, but considered an aquaintanse with, and if anyone asks me my opinion of the former, I will say he was a really good friend but is now a person I can not trust and so therefore he is an aquiantanse of. (I think that is fair of me to do exactly what I did for what he did to me)
I have been thinking about all my relationships after this happened. The reason being is that before this incident, I have been allowing people to just do what they want, say what they want, and try to just back away from those people. I did think it is healthy to live a life like that. I think it is important for you own mental well being to not allow people to talk to you and about you poorly, and still be civil to a person, but no longer have an association with that person, or people. The people you allow to be cruel or mean, speak poorly or unkindly about you or to you, will continue their aggression towards you, and sometimes, with some people, rude talk can end more violence. I know that the more badly the people are not nice you, the more you allow that behavior, and the more you allow it, when you see that it’s cruel, you are allowing that person to abuse you, and I would go as far as to say that, when you recognize that people treating you poorly is abuse, and you allow it to happen, you are perpetuating more aggression and abuse on yourself.
This is why I, in this case, had decided to tell this person that he is no longer welcomed into my life, my personal space, and. I told him I would be nice and civil to him, I helped him find a really great job, and that I will no longer have any trust in him whatsoever. This means that if someone asks about him, I will say we used to be friends, but I can not trust him, and until he proves his trust to me, I will remain at a distance from him. Since I have done this, it has been soul cleansing and a purging process for any other person. It gives me the empowerment to further protecting myself. I think everyone needs to do this in their life. It doesn’t mean being aggressive to others, and it doesn’t mean being rude or mean. There’s no ticket for that. However, you protecting your own emotional well being , and protecting yourself from people that are harmful and dangerous, and are encroaching into you life, you have every right to leave. Go. Stay away from those kinds of people. Treat those types of people like they are rattlesnakes, and keep them away from you and your family.
Remember, Dear Readers, You determine your life. No one else does for you
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