My Valentines Day

Today is Valentines Day. Normally on Valentines Day I am waking up and making Pancakes in the shape of heart, waking up Beka and the kids to shuffle them off to school so I can clean and head off to work. The Cupid comes and leaves things for the kids. Then, when I get home from work I am making a Valentine Day dinner for my kids and then off to baby sitting Kirianna and Kalyan. For the last two years now that I am engaged, my Valentines are different. 

  I am not in the USA where it is easy and rather cheap to make Valentines Day Cards. (A past time I adore... With paper doilies, of course) that is OK. I just am not in the mood of sharing MY Valentine with other people right now.

 I mean my Valentine as in my fiancee the Long Rock. 

Long Rock works in a city about 35 km from the city I live in. If you are in America that commute is NOTHING. But, here in Turkey where petrol is 18 DOLLARS a gallon, and you do not get paid that much, well you do the math. We do not get to see each other all that often. 

 Long Rock works at a really nice hotel. They are nice to the guests, but seriously, Long Rock is tired of working for these people. Turkey's standard of living and working is just not what I am used to in USA. 

  Long Rock and I need to be together. We are ready for it emotionally and other wise. But, Tradition is not on our side. 

  We have to wait. In the meantime, I do not get to be with my Valentine on Valentine's Day. My Favorite Holiday. (I have a couple of Favorite Holiday's I am aware.) I love De Facto Holidays. Valentines is my Favorite. (For the month of February) 

  Anyway, I am kind of in a blah mood I guess because  I do not get to see my Valentine but everyone at a damn hotel gets to see him. Everyone and his Favorite Soccer team. There is some kind of Soccer Meeting going on there, or something. But I was too busy missing Long Rock to pay full attention about how the hotel is full of Soccer players and Soccer people. I hardly understand the game. My mind wandered onto... Dammit, I am freaking jealous of those people! They get to see my Valentine and they do not even care! I do!!!

 Then my mind wandered back to ... I want to make him a really nice really lovely Valentine Dinner, but I tried making him something like that once before and realized... I can never ever ever do that outside of us living alone together because it just does not work out that way. 

 Then, it got me really annoyed so when he if I wanted to see his work schedule, I irrationally blew up at him. 

I did not mean to. I felt like it was a "Want to see all the days You don't get to see me?" when really he was trying to say, "want to look at all the days you get to see me?" I said I don't. Not because I did not want to look at all the days I get to see him. But because I did not want to look at all the days I never see him. 

 Am I a mean person? Why do I do that? Why is it when I am the most stubborn I really am shouting... "I do not want to be stubborn" and really wanting someone to  wrap me up in a blanket and hug me and kiss me on the cheek... Is that just ridiculous? I am I guess. I just wish that I could spend Christmas, Valentines, St Patrick's, Independence, Thanksgiving, Easter, Seker Bayram, Birthdays, Pirate's Day every evening... With him. Even if he has to work or if I have to work, OK. Just a somewhat normal life instead of him living working and sleeping at a hotel and me here. 

I will make his Valentine on Thursday, he will get it on Friday morning and then he will goo back to work on Saturday and I will not see him for another week and a half. That is my life. 

I will have to make the best of it. When I am not irrational and jealous of stupid people that get to see my fiancee on Valentines Day or any other day. 

  In the meantime, Happy Valentine's Day my dear readers.