My Grandpa Jensen was a very amazing man. He was a Rancher, a real American Cowboy. There was nothing less than amazing about him.
I would sit and ask him questions about his childhood all the time. What life was like in Wyoming, on a Ranch. My Grandpa was born in a tiny wooden one room home with no flooring. But my Grandpa became an educated hard working man and loving father to my dad and his four boys. My Grandma and he had great love for each other.
My Grandpa had two horses whom he trained and he loved very dearly. Grandpa raced them and rode them Roman Style. When Grandpa had to go live in the home, I looked and looked for a colorful pictorial book on horses. Grandpa hardly spoke to anyone when he moved to the home. He did however talk to me. All the time.
The first time I went, he said "My how you have grown! You are such a beautiful young lady now!" and the rest of the time was sent telling me about his horses and asking me how "Flotsam and Jetsam" were. (those were the name of his horses in his Roman Racing Days).
I would respond with the answers he would tell me when I was a little girl asking about them. I would tell them how they were playing and running in the field near teh ranch. I would tell them how they loved apples and carrots but I would not feed them too many, and I would tell them about how when it was cold outside I would put a blanket on them and he would ask me if I would take them in the barn for him when it rains. I said of course. He would answer with a "Sure, sure. You know very good." I loved , nay adored my Grandpa Jensen.
I hated leaving him.
I asked my dad once if I could please move, he could help me buy a home in Huntsville, Utah, and I could have Grandpa come live there with me, and everyday I could have a nurse come do the nurse things but please, let me have Grandpa come live with me. My dad would say, "That is so nice but, I am not sure how possible it is". I hated hearing that from Dad. Dad was thinking practicality and I was thinking.. HE thought, emotionally. But I was not. I hated leaving Grandpa. Grandpa would cry and hold on my arm saying, "Don't go, no please, don't go". I would wait until he was done with dinner and it was bed time.
I hated how one nurse spoke to him once. I hated it. She spoke to him in such a demeaning and rude way and then she looked at me and said, "He does not understand or know ANYthing" as if to justify speaking to my beloved grandpa that way!!! I scolded her. I said to her that this man was a good man with his memory gone but when he dies he will look at his life and how everyone treated him, including her. I told her that my Grandpa knew more than she did, and that all the people in the Rest Home were real people with feelings and to think twice before treating my Grandpa in an insulting manner again. I told my dad about it, too. I was really upset. Grandpa was bored and so I brought him a pictorial book about the Okavango Delta, I mean this book was amazing. Sadly there were no books I was able to find anywhere about Horses, and so this had to do. One picture he loved. It was of flamingos and they were bright pink and light pink. He would ask me about them. We would look at page after page about this interesting Delta.
When Grandpa was slipping away and it was getting time for him to pass, Dad called me and told me that if I wanted to say good- bye, it would be time.
I went into the room. Grandpa was given some morphine to help ease his pain.
It was the first time I had ever said Good Bye. Normally I do not do that. But, I did this time. My uncles were there and asked me if I would be ok to sit with Grandpa while they had a brother talk outside his room. I said I would. I kissed Grandpa on the cheek and it was colder than usual. A gray cold. I told him ı love him and sang "O My Father" to him. He looked at me, and said, "I am not going". I said, " But Grandpa, you had lived a good life. Your mom, dad, and family are there. Grandma is waiting for you." He sternly looked at me and moved his head in a very stubborn, "NO". and that is what he said. I said, "Grandpa, Everything will be OK. I promise." He got teary eyed and said, "Please care for them. Look after them." I said "I will." and I said, "I will miss you". Then he said "Me too."
My dad and uncles came back in the room. I told my dad what happened.My dad said "Dena he has not been talking to anyone." But, Grandpa talked to me. Grandpa and I, I like to think, shared something special that grand daughters and grandfathers share. We were and are so much alike. We are both hard headed and stubborn and we both have always said, "If you want something done right, do it yourself".
I have always felt that way and Grandpa and I shared some of our same ideas together. We had some quirky things that only he and I understood and all the rest of the world just thought was either irritating or weird or annoying idiosyncrasies, but we understood that. Oddly, he was not my blood Grandfather, but he treated me like one and I will tell you, he never ever let me feel like I was not. As a matter of fact, of all the grand children, I knew him very well. I would before his illness struck him, and he was living in the Downtown condo, I would visit Grandpa and Grandma every week and sometimes more. I talked to Grandma for hours on the phone. I would bring my babies to visit and they loved seeing them. Grandpa and Grandma loved holding little Jasmyne and got a kick out of seeing her clothes. They were doll clothes. Grandpa would chuckle at the tiny dresses and bows I would put on her peach- fuzz head. He would ask me how did I get them to stick. He would tell me don't use glue! It might have chemicals to make her hair not grow! I want a grand daughter with long blonde hair! We would laugh and laugh.
The hardest thing was to say Good- Bye to my long dear Grandpa and Friend. But, I knew that Grandma was in Heaven missing him and Grandma and Grandpa were never apart in the 60+ years they were married. Not once did they stay far away long. Grandpa worked in the Forest with his horse as a Forest Ranger and he would be gone for 3-4 months at a time. Grandma said it was so hard, but that she was so joyed when he would come home. She said they would not leave each others side longer than three-4 months, and so it seemed fitting that when Grandma passed away in June, Grandpa met her side in October. Both were very cold and equally rainy days, which again fit the family's melancholy feelings.
Why am I speaking of this? You ask.
I have a family member here in Turkey that I can not bring myself to say good bye to face to face. And so, I did it in a note.
I am family through my beloved fiancee. I feel forlorn and broken hearted, but can not bring myself to say good- bye, at least face to face.
I hope that this sweet family will forgive me and in this art of my heart, I am not that strong of a person.
But I love. and I love Deeply.
And so with this, I will write the beautiful words of Queen Lili'uokalani of Hawaii wrote:
| Haʻaheo ka ua i nā pali | Proudly swept the rain by the cliffs |
| Ke nihi aʻela i ka nahele | As it glided through the trees |
| E hahai (uhai) ana paha i ka liko | Still following ever the bud |
| Pua ʻāhihi lehua o uka | The ʻāhihi lehua[2] of the vale |
| Hui: | Chorus: |
| Aloha ʻoe, aloha ʻoe | Farewell to thee, farewell to thee |
| E ke onaona noho i ka lipo | The charming one who dwells in the shaded bowers |
| One fond embrace, | One fond embrace, |
| A hoʻi aʻe au | 'Ere I depart |
| Until we meet again | Until we meet again |
| ʻO ka haliʻa aloha i hiki mai | Sweet memories come back to me |
| Ke hone aʻe nei i | Bringing fresh remembrances |
| Kuʻu manawa | Of the past |
| ʻO ʻoe nō kaʻu ipo aloha | Dearest one, yes, you are mine own |
| A loko e hana nei | From you, true love shall never depart |
| Hui | Chorus |
| Maopopo kuʻu ʻike i ka nani | I have seen and watched your loveliness |
| Nā pua rose o Maunawili | The sweet rose of Maunawili |
| I laila hiaʻia nā manu | And 'tis there the birds of love dwell |
| Mikiʻala i ka nani o ka lipo | And sip the honey from your lips |
| Hui | Chorus |
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